Members

This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

I am not a kid anymore I am 66.   The last time I dated was 45 years ago.  I am not sure that I want to date yet but am thinking maybe in the next year or so.

In the meantime I need a lot of help in HOW to date at my age. In the '60s as a late teen and in my early 20s I met most of those I dated at dances, I went on Friday and Saturday night around a country dance circuit.  Now if I meet men it is mainly as part of a couple and not as singles.

I don't want to go into online dating or go to a meet up I am not ready for that. But I would like to find someone to go to the movies etc with. 

Tell me your own experiences or where did you find that someone special?

Views: 56154

Reply to This

Replies to This Discussion

Looks like an old love may be back in my life. Not going to try to turn it into a romance, friendship is enough for me at the moment. It is fun to remember the past and laugh at old memories though. Maybe we will even build some new ones if we catch up again. As so many of my contempories are leaving my life now for one reason or another it is good that a new relationship is possible.

An old  love  since  your  before  marriage youth  or  an  old  love  since  you're  widowed?  in  either  case  happy  to  hear  you  are  out  and  about....

He was a family friend for many years. Then he was married and divorced after only a few years of marriage, we've been in touch for a couple of years since his divorce. Not a romance just a friendship but pleasant just the same.

The man I went out with casually last year Garry has just had a kidney removed. He had the operation on his kidney to remove a cyst last year and apparently the kidney had not healed at all and he was told removing it as the only choice. I guess as we age things like that happen. I have to make sure I don't offer to care for him once he is out of hospital because I am a born volunteer. He has a family and hopefully they will step up now their father needs them.

 I have to make sure I don't offer to care for him once he is out of hospital because I am a born volunteer. 

Sue, I was happy to read this. One important lesson in life is to set boundaries. As we age that becomes harder to do, I think. Seniors have so much experience and knowledge to share and most of us have extra time to give. We forget that just taking care of ourselves is a full-time job! To not add duties with sick friends, granddchildren, and others who could use our help is a hard decision, but usually the right one. It's called TOUGH LOVE. What it is NOT: selfish or unfeeling or uncaring. I congratulate you for knowing where to set your boundaries and for taking good care of yourself.

Keep safe and keep your distance from those horrific fires in Australia. Hugs and smiles.

Still raising money through Lions to give to the drought recovery and bush fire recovery programs. Lots of controversy right now about how quickly the money is being distributed, not quickly enough in pubkic opinion but it is the long haul programs that do the  most good. We have to be able to provide emergency money now but obviously meet people's needs in the future too.

Hi Sue,

Thank you for the question.  It has been challenging for me. 9 months after my husband died, I thought I had come out of my cloud.  I thought - that's the key phrase.  I was in such emotional freefall, the worst had not yet happened for me emotionally.  I agree with your comments about the way we date.  I felt so lost.  To confuse things more, I'm a person of faith & the Word if so clear about the kinds of physical boundaries we should exercise.  My libido had kicked in for some reason & I don't know why.  I tried online dating & it was horrifying.  Men seems to want just one thing.  I had a terrible experience with it, twice.  That was end of that.  I kept the profile on line but I responded to very few messages.  ALSO, VERY IMPORTANT - if you're going to try something like that, use an email that has no Internet history.  There are some dangerous people onlin.

I attend church regularly & am involved in  ministry.  I just wasn't meeting anyone at church, no one seemed to be interested.  I finally stopped looking.

I happen to be be a musician, so I attend music events, am on several music non-profit boards.  In other words, I had a life, so loneliness wasn't really the issue for me.  I missed my best friend, my husband.  I missed his love, his trust, his respect, all that goes along with a long term marriage.  I went to a festival & met someone there.  When I met him, he had been drinking.  He wasn't drunk, but he was a little inappropriate.  I had that "gut" feeling thta he might not be a good choice.  But I was happy to have someone that seemed interested.  He was different but we had many things in common.  So we became friends & did some things (not a lot, just a few) over a 4 month period.  Then I did the unpardonable.  I developed a "relationship" with him.  I was still very much in emotional free-fall.  He turned out to be an alcoholic (among other things).  I wound up losing my self-respect and very disconnected from the Lord. I ended it after 14 months.  Was I angry?  No.  he wasn't the problem.  I was the problem.  I had to work on me.

I'll be 75 in June & I'm really starting to feel it.  Yes, we must take care of ourselves.  I find myself in the position of having to say no to some church activities.  I'm in a ministry that requires counselling.  If I can't take care of me, how am I going to help others?  Also, physically, I don't have the same level of endurance I had 2-3 years ago.  I got pretty sick this winter & was mostly fending for myself.  

I say go slow.  Look for friendships amongst those you already know.  If you are not particularly social, learn how to become social in an accepting way & yes, do learn to set boundaries. 

In closing, I don't think I look so bad for my age, but as you so aptly note, I am older.  I do have a lot of life experience.  My entire family lives on the opposite side of the country so I don't have those close bonds.  We're all different.  Grief groups didn't help me.   This website is invaluable.  Best of everything to you & just stay optimistic!

Jas, thank you for your post. Yes as a Christian I have to set boundaries, something that restricts the relationships I can engage in. Maybe one day someone will come along with those same boundaries. In the meantime I have my widowed and single women friends who are willing to meet up for coffees and lunches. The drawback is still the loneliness that never seems to get better but I guess I will have to live with that. I have a good family and some great friends and most of the time I am reasonably happy  so that has to be a sustainable life for me. 

It is nice to have a phone call twice a week from my long distance "friend". It is a pity he lives too far away for us to get together. With all my operations and health checks I am busy anyway. I go into hospital next Monday for my thyroid operation, he goes to his local hospital on Thursday for his second cataract removal. Then he'll stay with his daughter for a week while she helps with his four hourly hourly eye drops mi. It is a pity we live too far apart to help each other but good we can keep in touch. This isn't a romance, just a renewal of a long friendship. But at our age that is special too.

We have a new phrase "distance dating" which describes young couples who stay connected by text, emails, the use of apps and the occasional phone call. Might be what Peter and I do as he phones every second night and we email on the day he doesn't phone. The alternate days are because he is still working on a Masters Degree in History. This works well for both of us at the moment. It is what is happening to a lot of other people during this Covid-19 lockdown period. Whether this routine will continue after this is over who can tell?

RSS

© 2020   Created by Soaring Spirits.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service