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I am not a kid anymore I am 66.   The last time I dated was 45 years ago.  I am not sure that I want to date yet but am thinking maybe in the next year or so.

In the meantime I need a lot of help in HOW to date at my age. In the '60s as a late teen and in my early 20s I met most of those I dated at dances, I went on Friday and Saturday night around a country dance circuit.  Now if I meet men it is mainly as part of a couple and not as singles.

I don't want to go into online dating or go to a meet up I am not ready for that. But I would like to find someone to go to the movies etc with. 

Tell me your own experiences or where did you find that someone special?

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mrsmcgoo I am well aware of the odds against remarriage at my age, and probably with my temperament also.  But I would love an arm to hold, another face smiling at me, someone to dance with etc.  Maybe I will have to just be content to go on alone?  Who knows?

My roses 1st december

 Professor Ben-Ze'ev is considered one of the world's leading experts in the study of emotions, and he set up the Interdisciplinary Center for the Study of Emotions at the University. His research focuses on the philosophy of psychology, and especially the study of emotions. Most recently, his research has centered on love and romantic compromises.

Aaron Ben-Zeév, Ph.D., is Professor of Philosophy at the University of Haifa and former President of the University (2004 – 2012)

Love After Death: The Widows’ Romantic Predicaments

All of us have romantic predicaments; widows (and widowers) seem to have even more. Should they actively search for another lover? And if they find another lover, while still loving their late spouse, how can these two lovers reside together in their hearts? For widows, is loving again worth the effort of having to adjust to another person? And is widowhood the proper time to fall in love again?

Read  more at this link 

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/in-the-name-love/201203/love-af...death-the-widows-romantic- predicaments

I CAN'T LIVE IF LIVING IS WITHOUT YOU

Aaron added this song to his article. I played it and how Mariah sings.

What a powerful expression of  the pain of loss of  love.

Song by Mariah Carey http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zochPeuCI5Q

thanks for posting this!  but the article "death the widow's.... " from Psychology Today did not work from the link...'

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/in-the-name-love/201203/love-af...        ... this one worked for me.

Love Love Love  your posts and thoughts :)

I am not sure I want to date but I do miss the companionship.  I haven't a clue to where to begin to go about finding people who enjoy doing things I like to do.  I'm beginning to venture out a my comfort zone a little which is hard and uncomfortable at the same time.  I guess I look at it this way, if I am meant to have someone in my life then okay if not then that is okay to.  I am me and will not change to please any one so it's take me as I am or not at all.

Talking to another widow today and she said several groups she wanted to join rejected her as they wanted a gender balance so basically they take couples not widows, didn't know there was that kind of discrimination!  She settled for Lions so we belong to the same club.  She also goes to the gym and belongs to an aerobics class.

She says she doesn't see much hope at her age that she will find a permanent companion so is starting to travel with other women some of whom are widows, mainly girls she went to school with or worked with.  She more or less said you have to have a happy life yourself and if love comes along again it does, if not you go on alone.

Hi

Actually I met my husband on Seniors Meet, which is affiliated with Your Time dating site. I had a push to even do online dating when I met my husband. I had previously been single for 10 years and had not dated.  You can sign up without paying just to get a feel for it.  You can say if you just want friendship and or penpal and designate local men only, whatever your preference.    My dad remarried at 65 years old and just celebrated their 21 st wedding anniversary. Love Love Love my stepmom. My mom passed away in 1992. You can put exactly what you are looking for in online dating.

Matter of fact I just watched "MUST LOVE DOGS" and laughed about the arena of online dating. It is heartwarming and yes though it is a movie it touches your heart and gives you insight. There are men out there that have crossed over to online dating, feeling the same way you are now. Just sayin'  PEACE AND BLESSINGS   GABBY

I do meet single men in the groups I belong to but they are 15-20 years older than I am.  A lot of them would make wonderful partners if they were ten years younger.  At 66 I do want someone who is active, who is interested in travelling and preferably not someone I would have to take care of in the near future. I wonder how many men I would be likely to meet in the age bracket I would be looking for?

I felt the same as you - had a lot of worries about online dating.  My social circle didn't include any way to meet single men.  A good friend suggested trying Senior People Meet.  It may be the same site Gabby was referring too.  It is much smaller than the other advertised sites which I liked.  I got on the site and it took me quite a while just to think about what my profile should be.  It is hard writing about ourselves.  Its best to be brief and not reveal too much personal information.  You can select whether you want to be just a friend, pen pal, dating, etc. and you can select what type of person you are looking for - age, common interests, etc.  I felt that if I changed my mind about dating, at least I could meet a potential male friend.  To set up your profile is free and it took me several months before I got the nerve to pay and to be able to respond to the inquiries.  The cost was very reasonable too.  I didn't initiate contact with anyone - I  responded if I thought the person was worth responding too.  With anything today, your main concern is keeping yourself safe.  Unfortunately, that is a reality of the times whether you meet someone online, at a bar, in church or anywhere.  For the first few times, only meet in a public place.  Don't reveal your address, phone number (I got a Track phone specifically to give out that number which I could turn off at any time) or any other personal information until you know you can trust that person.  From that point, it will be up to you as to what type of contact you want to have.  Like anything in life, sometimes we luck out sometimes we don't.  I did meet a wonderful man this way.  He was very in tune with what I was going through as a widow and has been very supportive.  We go out every weekend now and have a great time.   I hope you can meet someone closer to your age (a little younger would be ok?!?) that likes what you like.  Good luck.

I am really glad that I found this post.  I am 58 and lost my husband in 2011. The last time that I went on a date I was 18 and I met him in accounting night school. I discovered that he lived in my area and worked across the street from my work. we did homework projects together.  I was never an very aggressive dater and would probably not have even spent time with him except that we had so much in common. Even at 18, I did not have good dating skills. I never had guys falling over me. So now I am 58 and still do not know how to meet a boyfriend and I am not even sure if I want one. Older women keep telling me to find someone or I will become old and lonely. But I am not sure. What if he dies too? What if he has troublesome kids?  What if? What if?  How will my children feel? I definitely do not want to marry again because I am afraid of having to conform and all of the above.  My girlfriend whose husband died in 2012 is already out dating and has rejected a man. She tells me that she will give me his phone but I said that I was not ready. I am not sure if I will ever be ready. I would like a friend sometimes but I am not sure if I am done grieving.  I have been out with  friends of both of us but I feel like a spare tire. I am so confused and confusing.

Jen  

Jen, I really must take issue with women telling you 'to find someone or you'll become old and lonely'. That is just not true. My MIL spent 30 years alone and my Mom 14 years; they both lived happy and full lives. 

While I realize I'm in the minority, I choose to not date and that's ok. I was 59 when my husband died in September 2010. I've had friends who have suggested or asked about dating, but I stand firm. This is my personal choice. Let me just say that I'm thrilled when my widow friends find someone new (and it seems that most all of my close friends have recently), but it is just not something I want or need. I miss my guy. Him. I married at 18 and he's my one and only.

Just wanted to offer a different option. Dating is great for those who want or need it - and you'll find all sorts of discussions in here about dating and how to do it safely ... but it's not the only choice available to us. And that choice doesn't have to mean a long, lonely, sad life.

I am not sure that I may ever be comfortable in a romantic situation again. The women who said that I would be old and lonely are 95 and 80 something. Both are widows. It is possible that they are from a generation and culture that saw their value wrapped up in being married. They may also feel that they spent their whole lives doing for their children and now feel sighted that their children are off living their own lives. So therefore, get a man to have a companion. I am from the same background and I see the way older widows are sometimes blown off. I think that was behind the "advice" that they were giving. I spent three years taking care of my husband when he was diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma and the last almost three years grieving for him. We were married for 33.5 years and cannot bear the thought of having another person. I think of him always and fret about why it had to be this way. I do not even sleep at night. I am on the "most active" list because I spend all night here and still have to go to work tomorrow.

Jen.

I do understand the generational thing having an impact on their comments - also being 'left behind' by friends and children. Guess it's an individual thing, however, since my MIL was 90 and my Mom nearly 87 when they passed. Volunteering, traveling, women's church groups seemed to help them keep active and social.

I spent 4+ years caring for my husband (he also had MM). I was honored to be able to care for him and believe it was my life's calling, but it was very, very heavy caregiving. We had 41 years together and I will admit that I do not want to have to do that again for someone I may only have had a year or two with. That sounds really awful to write it out, but it's how I feel. So that probably plays a part in how I feel about having a new relationship. That, and the whole dating, insecurity, self-doubt issues, just don't make it worth the effort for me. I would rather put my efforts into finding other things to occupy my time, that bring me joy. I'm still working so that takes up time for the next year or so until I retire and I'm taking some online classes that I'm enjoying and have brought me new 'online' friends. Keep yourself open to opportunities to try some new things. 

We have a Camp Widow coming to Toronto in September. Might you be able to attend? I'd love to meet you and I can assure you that you'll take away some wonderful insight and positive feelings from it. I'm always looking for volunteers to help with Camp, too!   http://www.campwidow.org/

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