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I am not a kid anymore I am 66.   The last time I dated was 45 years ago.  I am not sure that I want to date yet but am thinking maybe in the next year or so.

In the meantime I need a lot of help in HOW to date at my age. In the '60s as a late teen and in my early 20s I met most of those I dated at dances, I went on Friday and Saturday night around a country dance circuit.  Now if I meet men it is mainly as part of a couple and not as singles.

I don't want to go into online dating or go to a meet up I am not ready for that. But I would like to find someone to go to the movies etc with. 

Tell me your own experiences or where did you find that someone special?

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Well, it just got weirder.  I was poking through profiles and found two men that I know.  Perfectly nice men... for someone else.  One is the tailor who made a lot of the really good pieces of my work wardrobe before I retired.  (I guess he knows my measurements, huh?)  I know the other because I've seen him at Toastmasters events over the years.  I don't see the potential for attraction in either case.  It could be darned awkward if either of them is interested, especially the first, where I see even less potential.

I do find it reassuring that at least two profiles are of real men with real pictures of themselves who are, as far as I know, harmless.

Whatever happened to friends and family members introducing you to their unmarried friends? I met Ray at a dance but probably would have met him eventually as we found out we had mutual friends. My sister met her husband through mutual friends. My sisters-in-law met their husbands through work or school or mutual friends at parties. Maybe we need to help other widows/ widowers out by arrangimg some meet ups and playing Cupid.

I think a lot depends on whether they think the friend would find us attractive, or even not wanting to rock the boat in a circle of friends.  After all, if it doesn't work out, that causes problems in the whole "friend constellation."  I met my husband through a mutual friend.  It wasn't a fix-up; she was publishing a 'zine in those days and he was the guy who ran it off on his employer's copy machines.  And we just hit it off.  Did your sisters-in-law get formally "introduced" by their friends, or were they at a social event and just clicked with someone?  I know my friend didn't plan a "fix-up", she just wanted to get me out of the house.  Perhaps it's more like that.

It still happens- a woman in my church in our age group is dating a really nice man she met through mutual friends.  They're both widowed.  It gives me hope.  

It may be that most people don't want to get involved in someone's personal business by suggesting a potential date for them and, as noted earlier, might be worried about what happens if it doesn't work out. My friends know I'm open to dating; every once in awhile I let them know of some of the more interesting profiles I see on the dating sites.  (The latest was an Episcopal priest with 4 kids who'd been legally separated from his wife for 6 years but was still married "for family reasons"- presumably to keep them on his insurance.  Hey, at least he was honest.)  I'm still not ready to pull the trigger and get a paid membership to the dating sites.  Still hoping to meet a good man in the normal course of things.

I am the end of a six month subscription at ourtime.com....Since joining, I have received explicit voicemails from sexbots AND when I go to "search" on ourtime.com, my McAfee webadvisor indicates RED-meaning the site is unsafe and/or sells your info to others as well as placing "PUPs" (potentially unwanted programs) on your computer...Just thought I'd pass the word along.

My experience  with  ourtime  contained  nothing  unsafe.  I kept my personal  email  private  and  only corresponded  through  emails on site at ourtime which is  what they advise when you join. Most of my experience  was  fine-  corresponded with a  few interesting  men  but not suitable  for my purposes-friend  only.  Any time  there was a questionable email  they give  you the option  to block  anyone  you do not  want contact with.  one box. one  check mark.   Also  I never  gave  out personal information  like  address or phone numbers.   My computer  gave  no warnings about  the ourtime  site.   I found  it  well-run  and  safe.  I learned  a lot about  what I didn't  want from that  experience.  But I was  cautious.   No phonecalls  and  no pups  to the best  of my knowledge.   That was  about  2-3  yrs  ago.  Might  have been changes  but I found  it acceptable.  fyi

Thanks for your telling of your experience with ourtime.

I haven't paid for a subscription to OurTime but took my profile down and Unsubscribed to e-mails- couldn't find a way to disconnect completely, of course.  I just found that their daily e-mail of "prospective matches" seemed to be created by re-shuffling the deck of guys in my age group and location and dealing 6 off the top.  Many were team sports and motorcycle enthusiasts- both are fine for other people but just not me at all.  Others had "finished high school".  My late husband had had to drop out of college when he ran out of money, and he was a very smart man, but I'm more likely to find compatibility with someone who's also got a degree.  Clearly they weren't doing much to "match" anyone. 

HI All,

About a year after my divorce I was remarking to a coworker that the gals in the "Wave Cage" were starting to be interesting.  He told me that I needed help and later that night he and his wife chatted.  She knew a coworker who had gone through a divorce and that she needed to get out.  They arranged a blind date for us and we went out for dining and dancing.  She nearly backed out but her parents packed her bags and shoved her out of the house.  I nearly backed out but my friend and his wife arranged for me to stop by their house to fix something and with neither of us knowing what was going on, Susan was there and I met her.

We went out that night and had a wonderful time.  That was Saturday, I was so interested in Susan that I asked if she and her son would like to tour the Aircraft Carrier I was stationed on.  The tour was a success, and we decided that we would date, once in a while.  After 6 months we were best friends, and 6 months later I was handed orders moving me from Jacksonville FL, to Norfolk VA.  That's when I realized that my "best friend" was even more serious, that I loved her and wanted to marry her.  She said "Yes" and we had 35 wonderful years together.  

Friends can help.  

Hugs,

Frank

Slick, glad you are happy and at peace,that is s good place to be. Also that you have a plan for the future. At going on for six out I am still not quite there. Unfortunately my "cup of coffee" moments have never led much further but I have my widow and widower friends and have become content with that. One friend told me her mother-in-law remarried at 83 so there is still hope...lol.

Slick, although Ray died in September 2012 I have been alone in this house since June 2011. I was lonely for the first few years but I am now comfortable with being alone as long as I have my day planned out. Those four weeks when I wasn't  able to drive were a challenge but because I had support from family and friends I coped okay.  Like you I'm sure I need to step a bit further out of my comfort zone .to widen my circle of pleasant acquaintances but will do that in Spring. Winter with it's windy weather is not really conducive to new activities. Enjoy your summer.

The man I used to go out with in 2016, who already had leukemia is now being treated for bone cancer. We still have coffee together in the local shopping centre occasionally. I feel so sorry for him but hesitate to offer help such as driving him to appointments. For now he can still drive but I can see a time coming when he may not be able to. I hesitate to do so because I don't mean to become a caregiver again.

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