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I am not a kid anymore I am 66.   The last time I dated was 45 years ago.  I am not sure that I want to date yet but am thinking maybe in the next year or so.

In the meantime I need a lot of help in HOW to date at my age. In the '60s as a late teen and in my early 20s I met most of those I dated at dances, I went on Friday and Saturday night around a country dance circuit.  Now if I meet men it is mainly as part of a couple and not as singles.

I don't want to go into online dating or go to a meet up I am not ready for that. But I would like to find someone to go to the movies etc with. 

Tell me your own experiences or where did you find that someone special?

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God, I just had breakfast with a group from a local church (that I had visited & decided it wasn't where I belonged).   New lady in town!!  They all seemed to be interested.  Mostly polite, NOT MY TYPES.  One guy in particular , very gentlemanly made it quite clear he was interested.  I'm not :-(   As for having to be a caregiver, nope, not interested.  In fact I was thinking about that & I think the next time I meet someone that peaks my interest, I"m going to ask him to put something in writing (even if he has a trust, which some of them do), saying they have no expectation that I will be a caregiver in the event there is a physical problem down the road.  I will be happy to do the same.  It would no doubt be a loss, but somehow, if I could get through (sort of) the current loss due to my breakup with boyfriend, I don't think it'll be quite as bad.  I'm the one that did the break up but still, it hurt & still, the hole was back again.    

I don't have enough dough to invest LOL & I'm not interested in sharing my home with you if you can't afford your own.  I'll keep a real tight budget & manage on my own thank you very much.  Most the guys at this morning meet up appeared to be in good shape financially.

No - I think I need a break for a while.  Definitely no more web sites.

Jas, I think I understand your feelings regarding becoming a caregiver. I had just turned 59 when my husband died but having several chronic conditions, I felt no one would be interested, especially someone in good health. Unfortunately, by the time most of us reach our 60’s, we begin to develop health issues. Some “lists” are longer than others, some conditions are less obvious yet there are no guarantees even if someone is perfectly healthy that they couldn’t suddenly develop a serious illness. What I have asked myself over the years is whether I could walk away from someone stricken with an illness or how I would feel if it was done to me.

A short story...My MIL was a sweet and simple down to earth woman. (Widowed) She had very little yet never complained. She met a wealthy businessman and they had a relationship for several years. He lived a distance away and she never learned to drive. He became ill and was in the hospital and he wouldn’t even accept her phone calls. I think his children wanted to protect their inheritance so they caused a lot of resentment in him. One of my BIL’s  took her to see him but his family prevented her from seeing him. She was heartbroken. She had absolutely no interest in his money!

They were happy when they were together even though their backgrounds were very different. I guess the point I try to make is if we become involved with someone, it is somewhat of a risk. Situations regarding our health are likely to evolve at some point, then what will we do? How would we feel if we were the one being rejected over a health issue we cannot control? Would a few years of happiness be worth all that? It may be, if it’s with the right person. We still have to be willing to take that chance. I believe that mature adults should be able to discuss things like plans they may have if they were to be stricken with a serious illness, once they get to know each other better. That way, neither one needs to feel abandoned.

I've always said I wouldn't want to be a caregiver again but now I could be the one needing the care. The PET scan showed I had several conditions that left unattended to might lead to physical disabilities. So I have revised the plan back to telling anyone who shows an interest in me we can be  just "good friends" and I'll keep on hoping my daughter finds a suitable nursing facility for me when the time comes.

Sue, sometimes I feel it’s best to live in the day and find joy wherever we can. I have thought about what the future may hold and I am fairly sure I will need a couple “replacements” along with other maintenance issues. I have a few chronic pain conditions which I have learned to live with over the years. Yes, the list continues to grow but I think that’s the case with many seniors. What makes it tough is that we face these things alone. It’s one hurdle at a time!

Sorry to hear you’ve had to add a few more health issues to your list, I always hate when I get that type of news. You just went through so much with your leg and I can imagine being hit with more bad news is depressing. I pretty much do what drs tell me to do unless I feel it’s excessive. Then I try to focus on living!

There probably aren’t too many people in their seventies without health problems so maybe a relationship isn’t out of the question. I don’t think anyone needs to announce their health status to someone they just meet, but if there is interest, then there should be honesty. I know I could not take care of someone and I would not expect that from anyone else, but  for as long as I am doing OK, why not enjoy the company? That is how I would rationalize if I were interested in looking for companionship. I just don’t feel the need, I guess, but I can certainly understand that others do. Not so sure we are in control of these things anyway and it may even have a lot to do with timing. Hoping it happens for you!

Not wanting to give up (or cut back on) drinking would be a dealbreaker.  My Ex was an alcoholic.  Never again.  Good chance you could end up as caregiver, too.  (The Ex died from alcohol abuse 13 years after I divorced him.) 

I feel for your loss of the relationship, though.  After Ron died I reconnected with a guy I knew in college; we'd been e-mailing for years, nice, plain vanilla stuff, and he'd visited us a couple of times when he was in the area.  It escalated late last year and we had two really...ummm... passionate visits (he was working an IT assignment several hours away).  We knew it wasn't sustainable but it was lovely.  Really.  Then he had a stroke while I was traveling out of the country.  He's now home on the other side of the country where his family can take care of him.  He probably won't fully recover. It really does feel like a second great loss and I wasn't prepared for it.

Given what I've had with the last two men in my life (Ron and this man), I'm even more reluctant to take a chance, afraid it will turn out to be less than what I've had and what I deserve.

I also tried OurTime but never the paid membership.  It seemed like they just reshuffled the deck of guys in my age group/area every day, dealt 10 off the top and e-mailed them as prospective matches, even though 99% of them looked like they had no redeeming values.   I took the profile down.  Match seems to have more likely candidates, but none that have responded to my notes.

I'm also wary of stepping into the caregiver role, but I don't think you need to sign anything.  Just don't marry 'em or move in with them.  That way if either of you develops problems, the other isn't automatically assumed (by hospital staff for example) to be available 24/7.  

I DO have enough dough to invest (and a local friend said she also met a guy on Match.com who wanted to manage her money) but I enjoy doing it myself, TYVM!

I guess my visiting hospitals as part of my church work is a substitute for my former caregiver role but I don't fancy being full time caregiver again. When I took on looking after Ray we had many good years behind us. But at my age any man I become enthusiastic about are likely to have some health problems, so no new live in partnership for me. A companion for occasional excursions is more my idea. For younger people I would expect a different view of life but for the over 70s probably most of my widow friends would feel the same.

sue!  with  this in mind   get  that  hospital  notation  of  "partner"  removed  from your  friend's chart!  ASAP Better  safe  than sorry!!

A friend of mine threatened to line up men for me...I said I was not interested. She persisted and wore me down.

So I looked up my first crush and found him on facebook. We lost touch when I moved away from my home town at age 15.

He was a widower and so We dated a year and are now a couple. He moved in with me .. Dec 2017. I have renewed love and will celebrate my 65th birthday with him, this November.

I hope life is as great for you too.

Sincerely,

Jo

P.s. I never trusted online dating..but my plumber was devistated upon meeting my boyfriend and said "So you"re the one who stole my girlfriend". My sister said the plumber has a crush on me, I suspected that and his comment confirmed it. Lol hope our picture uploads ok.

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Well that's a lovely story, Jo!  I reconnected on Facebook with my first 'boyfriend' from elementary school but he is very happily married - and I didn't reconnect with dating in mind anyway. I do love stories where people reconnect many years later with people from their past and become a couple. And lucky you … to have two admirers!  I didn't think I'd ever try dating, but I did earlier this year and that just reinforced that it's not for me. I'd love to be loved and cherished again but I'm just not up to the hard work to get there (dating has changed a whole lot since I did it back in 1969).

If you want your photo to appear within your post use the image icon instead of an attachment. That icon is the second one shown above where you write your comments.

It does seem that most people who end up with someone else in the older age group, especially women, do it by reconnecting with someone from their past.  There is only one person in my past that I would be even remotely interested in connecting with, and his wife is very much still alive.  The others?  Feh!!

Congratulations and Best Wishes to you both, Jo!

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