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I am not a kid anymore I am 66.   The last time I dated was 45 years ago.  I am not sure that I want to date yet but am thinking maybe in the next year or so.

In the meantime I need a lot of help in HOW to date at my age. In the '60s as a late teen and in my early 20s I met most of those I dated at dances, I went on Friday and Saturday night around a country dance circuit.  Now if I meet men it is mainly as part of a couple and not as singles.

I don't want to go into online dating or go to a meet up I am not ready for that. But I would like to find someone to go to the movies etc with. 

Tell me your own experiences or where did you find that someone special?

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I was 14 when I met my husband. 22 when we married. I can count on one hand how many men I dated between that time. My husband was one who loved me unconditionally. Always built me up. Never looked at another woman. And, we were friends. I don't want to bend to a man's whims and be the woman he is portraying in his mind he wants me to be. I don't want to be the nurse or the purse. I want the man that looks at me and says, "she's the one". I don't want to be looking over my shoulder and worrying about whether he is looking at or flirting at another woman. I want conversation and not someone's head filled with smoke or booze. I want him to accept me for the woman I am today - physically and emotionally - and not the 22 year old I once was. I have grown as a person in my 61 years of life. I don't want to give up that part of me that I have grown to be. I guess what I am looking for is an "enlightened man". 

"Enlightened man"....I like that, but they're far and few and in between. Even when I was young, I don't think there were that many of those fine types of men.you said it perfectly.
I think it's loneliness. Loneliness can be a huge driving force, but it really sounds like you need to get away from what appears to be a toxic relationship. Ultimately, you will feel better about yourself if you do, otherwise you're going to lose yourself completely and for what! I know it's hard when you're lonely, but you'll regret it if you don't.

Seek professional help if you can't do this on your own. You really don't want to live this way. Since I'm a stranger, I won't sugarcoat it...it sounds like he has a lot of issues and will bring you down right along with him. Go..be free!

Slick, you HAVE to walk away.  You don't deserve to be treated like this.  If you ask yourself the old Dear Abby question of "Am I better off with him or without him?" I think you'll get the right answer.

I'd swear you were dating my first husband except that he's dead (7 years ago, from alcohol abuse).  It doesn't matter how strong you are- it will tear at your self-confidence and wear you down.  I was an officer of a large corporation, respected professional credentials, a member of the Board of Directors of my professional society- and he nearly broke me before I finally divorced him.  Just last month- 20 years after the divorce and 7 years after his death- I had a nightmare that he was in my house after I watched too many True Crime TV shows before bedtime. If you need counseling to detach from him, get it.  One book that really opened my eyes was "The Verbally Abusive Relationship" by Janet Evans.

I don't post too often however read many of the forums. Seashell, your posting is right on and so similar to my husband and our marriage, I couldn't say it any better. Slick, its been 7yrs in Oct that my sweet Randy passed and I still miss him every single day. About 5 yrs ago, I met a man that i had several  things in common with and easy to talk with. Well, let me tell you, there were so many red flags that I ignored. Also, on and off so many times, it got to be a joke. I kept going back believing he would make some changes. Never happened. And when I think about it now (final break up 3 mos ago), he was all wrong for me. He's  not a bad person, just not for me. I let the fog / haze / fear of loneliness make my decisions to keep going back. I'm really uncomfortable putting myself out there so to speak, so I just keep plugging away trying to figure out who I am, etc. In fact, I purchased items a month ago to create a vision board. Have yet to finish it. Oh well, it is what it is. 

Hi lex and slick, Years before my husband came along, I was with a man like that. Look up the term narcissist on youtube.com, it will help you understand and heal!

There is nothing lonelier than being with someone who is bad for you.  He's not going to change.  So you have to ask yourself:  "Do I deserve better?"  If the answer is yes, then break it off and don't go back.  Sometimes "better" means making a life of good friends and laughter.  "Any man" is NOT better than "no man."

Well, then, there is just one thing to do.  What I read in your e-mail is "I want to end it...but..."  There are no buts here.  You have three options here:

1)  Stay with him just so you can say you have a man and take the emotional abuse.  If you choose this option, I can tell you that people will tire of listening to you.  I have been in a toxic work environment for the last five years.  I just sent e-mail to my manager saying I'm resigning.  I've been complaining about this long enough.  Time to do something about it.  So if you stay, your friends will tire of you complaining that he is mean to you.

2)  Lay down the law with him about what YOU want and what YOU expect from him.  I'm guessing he can't give it to you; that he doesn't have it in him. 

3)  End it and tell him why.

I really think your #1 task is to learn how to be alone; how to make a life that doesn't have a man in it.  That is the only way you are going to be able to make smart choices.  That you are even subtly justifying what this man does indicates that you are still in "any man" role.   I once dated a guy who said that if I could lose enough weight to look good in tight jeans he'd marry me in a minute.  In a rare moment of not being willing to be a doormat, I broke off with him.  He had a condo right on the beach, drove a BMW, and was a jeweler -- a "good catch."  I'm sure other women went along with his "Want these goodies?  Jump, little girl" thing.  I did not.  

What you need is friends that you can depend on when you feel life overwhelms you.  This man is not someone you can depend on.  So what does he bring you?  

You know what to do.  Don't go on with this BS forever.  Stop putting up with it, or accept that this is how he is and admit you'd rather have him than be alone.

BelovedPeach, pretty interesting  info on YouTube. Slick, the last and final break up was fairly easy for me, as I finally had had enough. I was so mad at myself for getting back together that last time. I deleted his phone #, pics, etc from my phone. I made it a point to have no contact in anyway. When I met my sweet Randy, it was an easy, smooth, wonderful relationship right from the start. With this man, it was hard work from about two weeks in. I felt similar to you, that he had it good with me. He said I was first girlfriend in a long time that didn't cheat on him, didn't steal from him, had my own home and money. No wonder they keep trying to get us back. And with our insecurities and fear, take them back. Ugh. I feel for you Slick, it's  a tough situation to be in, but we've  been through worse. I'm  so glad I finally made that break. Yes, I'm lonely AND I'm okay with that. I'm  here if you need to just vent - I totally understand. 

BelovedPeach, pretty interesting  info on YouTube. Slick, the last and final break up was fairly easy for me, as I finally had had enough. I was so mad at myself for getting back together that last time. I deleted his phone #, pics, etc from my phone. I made it a point to have no contact in anyway. When I met my sweet Randy, it was an easy, smooth, wonderful relationship right from the start. With this man, it was hard work from about two weeks in. I felt similar to you, that he had it good with me. He said I was first girlfriend in a long time that didn't cheat on him, didn't steal from him, had my own home and money. No wonder they keep trying to get us back. And with our insecurities and fear, take them back. Ugh. I feel for you Slick, it's  a tough situation to be in, but we've  been through worse. I'm  so glad I finally made that break. Yes, I'm lonely AND I'm okay with that. I'm  here if you need to just vent - I totally understand. 

Hi Slick, I was reading all the latest postings here. I also don't  understand  why I ignored  all the red flags. I'm  a non-smoker  never smoked in my life never had dated a smoker in my life  and here  I am in a relationship  with a smoker and had other issues (watched porn) very different from me. He was totally opposite of my husband. I tried not to compare however difficult to not do. This  guy was kind of a bad boy where  my husband  was sensitive, caring, etc. Even a couple  of my girlfriends didn't  understand  what I saw in this guy. I think maybe i was just  so tired of being  sad, wanted to have some fun. 

I thought I would be in a different  place by this  time, don't  know  where  or what, just more settled after 7 yrs. I'm a little    disappointed in myself, thus the reason for vision board. Just gotta get started on it. ☺ Yeh, you need to break it off before  it becomes  a year, 2 years ... that was my mistake. Make yourself #1. Also, you know you can't  see a future  with him, so  let him go. And no 2nd guessing  -  you know what needs to be done. HUGS 

The way you get rid of him is to say "This isn't working for me.  I don't want to see you anymore."  That you are unwilling to do this tells me that you are still trying to find a reason to stay.  Of course that is an option, but then you can't complain about how he treats you.  Because then you know what he is and choose to stay anyway.  

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