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its almost as great as the american heart association calling up and asking for him by name, and then asking what he died of, cardiac arrest, and she replied, well that is just the reason we need a donation then. I hung up.
I think I had all the normal stupid replies... "he'll always be young", "it was fate", "when your time is up, your time is up", "you'll just get another man", "friends coming on to me - like I needed THAT", "aren't you over it"... Most people have been great, compassionate, empathetic - then there are the ones who simply don't have a clue... I lost a 20 year friendship with a person, who just couldn't understand that my world just fell apart, that I'm on a journey with no map and no clue to where I'm going, nor who I am . I just gently explained to her that I just don't have the strength nor the energy to help her through this and left it with I'll call you when "I'm better" - which is right after I get to the drug store and buy that new product "grief be gone"...
I was pretty impressed with how people responded after my husband's death, but I was really irritated by one of my neighbors when my husband was undergoing cancer treatment. Everytime I walked by her house with my little kids she would ALWAYS have to stop me and ask in grave tones how my husband was. I really didn't want to constantly discuss it with her. One time in the grocery store she actually asked: What's his prognosis? Ugh. We aren't even good friends. Now, she was a young cancer survivor herself, so I think she got a little overly involved. Eventually, I actually told her I didn't always want to talk about cancer, that I actually liked talking about all kinds of things still. I think she didn't like that. But I really felt like I had to do it for myself because I knew she wasn't going to stop.
A couple of weeks after Philip died, one of my sisters, who had been very supportive up until then, suddenly fell apart on the telephone one day, and started bawling her eyes out about what she was going to do when HER husband died. How she would be all alone, with no one to take care of her, because he is so much older than her (nearly 20 years), and she would end up in a nursing home staring at the walls all day when she was old, because SHE didn't have children to take care of HER.
I was stunned. Hello, Jen, your husband is still alive! MY husband is the one who died here.
You can add to that my inlaws meeting me outside my dying husband's hospital room, greeting me with the announcement that I could expect no financial help whatsoever from them (I hadn't asked), because they had been "more than generous" with us in the past (they sent us a check once for a couple thousand dollars as a surprise, which we used toward new kitchen cabinets.)
Then my multi-millionaire father-in-law added that, of course, if I needed money, I could always borrow from Philip's IRA, which is the second worst piece of financial advice he ever gave us. The worst was when he told Philip he didn't need to bother with a will, and could save himself a couple hundred bucks by not having one made out. We already knew, by the way, that Philip had cancer, and both of these men were lawyers.
So, Philip saved himself "a couple hundred bucks," and it has cost me over $10,000, which I can't spare, because Daddio also told Philip three months before we found the tumor to cancel one of his life insurance policies because $500,000 was more than enough since the kids were grown.
I am supposedly supposed to inherit Philip's share of my father-in-law's estate. I have seen the will. I am not holding my breath. I am sure the will was changed as soon as my husband's ashes were placed in the columbarium.