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What is the most insensitive thing someone has said to you about your loss?
I had a person who was in the throes of divorce tell me that MY loss was "beautiful and romantic." My husband was dying of cancer at the time.
I felt sorry for her, and so, she went un-punched.
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Macduff (Hal) on -
The clothes giveaway I did with Betty's best girlfriends led to my being TOTALLY estranged from her parents. To say they never liked me is an understatement, but for awhile we bonded in mutual grief. Then her 89 year old mother blew up at me when I was making my daily visit to them. She said, with a mean angry look in her eyes, that she'd being keeping this to herself too long. She said that she thought she should not only have had a chance to go through Betty's clothes but should have been the first.
She said "after all, I bought her lots of those clothes", which wasn't even true.
I said "what would Betty think of you saying this?"
Her mother then said "I don't care!"
I said that was the last they would ever see me and it's been 1 1/2 years and I have kept my word.
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Permalink Reply by smit09 on -
so sorry to hear that Macduff.
death does strange things to family sometimes.
sounds like Betty's mom is a bit off her rocker, excuse me for saying so.
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Permalink Reply by Diane on -
Almost a year after my husband passed away, I met a friend who had also lost his wife. My sister in law told me that my husband would have been so disappointed in me, shouting at me. I was to weak from grief from my husband dying from cancer seeing him go from a 178lb to 90lbs over a period of ten months. Less then three months later finding out my son had cancer. This continued to be a topic and I finally was able to speak up for myself. I told her that it wasn't me that he would have been disappointed in....that it was her that he would be very disappointed with because the way that she was treating me. I told her I knew what my husband wanted for me and it was to find some kind of happiness. I just wanted a friend that knew what I was feeling in my heart, someone that understood my pain. Two and half years later we still are friends and friends we will remain for life. Someday in the future I hope to meet someone that I will love again. I don't know if I will ever be able to love again after you have been with your soulmate, my love of life of 38 years. For now I am so glad for my friendship and no one can take that away.
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Permalink Reply by pkren on
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My husband passed away just 6 weeks after our wedding. So I'm still getting, "Congratulations!" comments pretty often. Those are tough.
But the most insensitive thing anyone has said to me yet was, "I hope you find someone to love again. At least he taught you what you really want." it was a week after Scott died, and just REALLY seemed like the wrong moment.
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Permalink Reply by smit09 on
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pken: my hubby died 3 mos after our wedding, I didn't even get our thank you cards out to our guest by the time I was filling out cards from the funeral guests. worst feeling. I have wedding cards mixed in with sympathy cards mixed in with congratulations "its a boy" cards. oh what a year
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Permalink Reply by smit09 on
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people say the MOST stupid things and @ the most inappropriate times. Sometimes clueless, mostly clueless.
family members (mine, not his of course) will say "OH i hope you find someone new"
-i could vomit at the thought
my good friend said "I was feeling bad about my life, and then I stopped and thought about yours, and realized that it could be a lot worse"
-i wanted to say "fuck off"
or the "oh wow, your son has no father"----um HELLO PEOPLE!!! I KNOW THIS>i was in the delivery room alone, do you think that was the birth plan???!! MY gawd it could drive you crazy.
I just learned that people really dont know what to say, or how to say it. sometimes without even thinking they'll say it, perhaps feeling bad about it later (i had someone apologize after a comment). If I'm not in the mood to encounter some of these senseless remarks I just stay inside. F*ck socializing, LOL
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Permalink Reply by Paula on -
"the holidays must be sooooo hard for you", said with the stupid half nod. duh? This is still being said to me after almost two years.
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Permalink Reply by Tommi on -
Two divorced people this week told me they know exactly what I am going through......third one is the charm.....I'm probably going to go crazy widow cat lady on them......
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Permalink Reply by stella777 on -
My very own mother said, "I wonder which is worse, divorce or what you've gone through?" Grrrrrrr!
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Permalink Reply by Tommi on
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Oh yes....mothers.....I've posted a zinger or two that my Mom has said to me.......And she's even a widow!
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Permalink Reply by Paula Rene on -
Tell her from me, widowhood and especially if you are a widow whose husband had a psychotic family you can't seem to get rid of. I've been divorced w/a child and was able to never have to see those people again and listen to their heartless comments. But, I did have someone say, "Wow, you've gone through a divorce and the death of your spouse. Those are two of the most traumatic experiences you can go through in your life." DUH, you think? Where am I on my list? #14
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Permalink Reply by lifeistoshort1975 on -
During the service as we are out standing in the snow. My mother-n-law says and I quote "If Heather doesnt get remarried there is a spot for her right there" as she is pointing to the blank snow covered spot next to my hubby. She had said that to my sister. I am thinking, really you have my life planned out for me?
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