A community of peers created by the Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation
We know now that my mother was in a very early stage of senility, but only moments after my husband died, my daughter hugged me and said, "Don't worry Mom. You will always have me," and my mother piped in, laughing, "One of these days some good looking guy will turn her head and she'll be gone."
My daughter was very hurt and I was just speechless at the thoughtlessness.
Like I say, though, within the next couple of years after, she had descended into dementia, so I guess it could be forgiven.
I also had someone soliciting donations who called looking for my husband.
I said, "I'm sorry, but he just passed away a couple of weeks ago."
She never even offered condolences, but said, "Oh. I see. Well are you interested in making the donation, then?"
Have to mention this: Last week I mentioned that it was my anniversary at work. One new employee, who had heard my story, said, "Oh, I still celebrate my anniversary with my ex-husband." Everyone was stunned that she said that. I looked at her and said, "Having an ex husband, who lives in your basement, isn't exactly the same as having a dead husband!" What an idiot. Some things just make me laugh, they are so stupid. I know most people say the wrong thing because they are so worried about what to say, and I try to remember that their heart is in the right place. Wasn't the case in this instance, though. Oh well, I got through it. It's been a year now. It would have been our 44th anniversary.
I still can't get over what my youngest sister did a couple of weeks after my husband died. She called me and started bawling her head off because, as she put it, "Someday my husband will die, and I will be all alone because I won't have any children to take care of me, and I will end up in a nursing home. BOO HOO HOO HOO."
Yeah. Get over yourself already, kiddo. You are the one who married a man 20 years older than yourself, and, oh, by the way, what makes you think my two borderline autistic kids are going to take care of me? As for the nursing home? Did you forget where my poor 54 year old confused, demented husband spent the last two months of his life? And, Oh, that would be the husband who really did die, making me a new widow, so thanks for the sympathy call. I will be sure to be there for you in, what, 15 to 20 years when your husband dies, IF he doesn't outlive you.
My other sisters and I still want to wring her neck.
I also could add a new one every time I talk to my mother. I just won't go there, though.
Today my best friend told me that when her husband works the late shift, she feels like a widow. I wanted to say "you have no idea what it feels like to be a widow." I was so mad!
To me it is always the "God has his reasons" that really cuts deep, and people say that a lot. I apologize if this offends anyone here, but I still find it hard to accept that Carl was killed in Afghanistan because "god had a different plan for me"
Hi and welcome: I hate when people say that too. For other insensitive things, you can go to the home page on the upper left is a video "We helped make this video" for things NOT to say to a widow!
My husband was killed in a freak car accident less than a mile from my house. The car hit sand and careened across the street into a chain link fence and some trees. I actually had an old friend of ours that we hadn't seen in 15 years ask me if I thought he may have done it on purpose. We'd been married for 35 years and he was coming home from the store with a bag of groceries so NO I really don't think he did it on purpose!!
Oh Angie, I'm so sorry. Sometimes we want to bop people over the head....lol
I had a phone call, a person on the other end asked for John.. I said I'm sorry but he is dead.. she said well is their another number I can reach him? (DUH) I said I told you he is DEAD.. and I hung up
had another call and when I said he passed away. the guy on the phone said Shit.. and hung up.