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I had a person who was in the throes of divorce tell me that MY loss was "beautiful and romantic." My husband was dying of cancer at the time.


I felt sorry for her, and so, she went un-punched.

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You're so right! I realize thinking about the people who keep telling me I need to find another relationship ARE indeed in bad marriages. At least many of them are. I just remembered my wife's friend who wanted to introduce me to her friend only three months into my grief, was dealing with the fact that her husband was having an affair. And others who have made such remarks think it's like replacing a pet dog which also to me would be difficult at best.   Yeah, screw em all, let God sort em out.


thanks Bergen JC I have to remember  that line some one recently told Me I had to put  myself "out there" before my expire date" meaning before I am too old..... this I found funny  and it came from my godfather I couldn't get mad.... I just laughed..... he is 71 lost his wife to throat cancer 5 years ago and it dating multiple gals... one is 6 mo younger than his daughter ..... he cracks me up...   

Where is the expiration date stamped? I can't find mine. 

I know right ? he his like 16 years older than I am and he seems to have to beat the gals off. LOL  NICE FACE

This reminds me of something whihc happened to my wife, Connie. A couple years before I lost Connie, when she was still stationed at Ft. Dix, Connie went in for a PAP smear. The Medical Receptionist asks, "You still have a uterus?"  Connies asked back, "What, is it like a library book? Was I supposed to check it in when I turned 50? Do I owe overdue fines?"

I know this is off topic, Moderators, you can remove it if it is improper, but it just goes to show there are insensitive people everywhere. Plus I wanted to share something which makes me laugh everytime I think about it.

My husband died of pancreatic cancer and I was often asked if he drank a lot (no) , was overweight (no) ate bad food (he was a health nut). I think everyone wants to have a reason so they can feel "safe". After 4 years and a lot of Camp Widows and talking online I can conclude that we are never safe. Any time any place any age any health profile. 

Paula you are so right I have concluded same!

Who's NOT AFRAID or concerned about being left behind?  Natural for peeps to put up defenses/walls against the inevitable.  We are guaranteed that life will toss us unexpected turns on our road and we are left to adapt whether we lose our finances/mates/homes/health.  Eat the best foods and be the healthiest you can but look for NO guarantees because there are many who eat badly and live long lives showing that life cannot always be controlled so some of us will be lucky to manage and maintain what we have built up.

I have quite a few to add to this growing list:

My husband very recently passed away on July 5, 2014.

- At his viewing, someone told me, "you're young and very pretty. You can find a new husband quickly!"

- Just yesterday, an immediate family member to me, "why did you give the (one of my husband's prized possessions) to so-and-so? You should have given it to me. I helped him build it."

- I was talking to my SIL (a lawyer) about what I wanted on my updated will. Another immediate (and young) family member said to me, "I want your collection of designer bags!"

- Also at the viewing, some random woman introduced herself to me in the lobby as I was coming out of the restroom. I shook her hand and asked how she knew my husband. She stated she went to HS with him. So I asked if she knew my husband's good friends (which he still kept in touch with). No. Did she know his older sisters, who attended the same HS? No. She just said that she was a couple of years ahead of him. Then she proceeded to hand me her cell phone and asked me to take a photo of her as she posed and smiled next to my dead husband's portrait in the funeral home lobby.


Thank you. I have a pretty good sense of humor, but ultimately I think what prevented me from reacting adversely is the fact that I was in shock -- shock at not just my husband's passing, but at those people's words and actions.

NJWidow.   OH NO.  Did you take the photo?  I don't know what I would have done.   Unbelievable.   But, like something out of a Sienfield episode, huh?


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