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I had a person who was in the throes of divorce tell me that MY loss was "beautiful and romantic." My husband was dying of cancer at the time.


I felt sorry for her, and so, she went un-punched.

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Ok, had my most insensitive thing said to me today! (Maybe more just utterly ridiculous then insensitive?? Not sure)

Had lunch with someone I hadn't seen since my husbands funeral (I think she was there, don't actually remember seeing her) as we're talking, she mentions she saw some trips the kids and I have taken on FB. Then she actually asked me what kind of car I drive. I told her and she responded...."Your husband takes better care of you dead then mine does alive. Maybe if he'd die I'd get some trips and a car too." At first I was a little stunned, then thought maybe she thought she was funny, so I kind of uncomfortably sort of chuckled, she wasn't joking. Really. Was not joking. 

Misplaced jealousy? I, like you, would have hoped she was kidding.

Geez! What the hell is wrong with people! Knowing my nature, I would have gotten up, and told her to have a nice life. - Off the topic for a bit, I did this on a job interview back in April. They practically told me that I didn't have the qualifications, so I got up and shook the woman's hand. She wondered what happened since this action took her by surprise. Here I sat in a noisy room, being humiliated for over an hour, and she expected me to sit there for another two hours to fill out a lousy job application; that I wasn't qualified for in the first place according to her standards!  Since Gil died, I've developed a few of his ways. He was a type of no-nonsense person (lacked tact at times), and would have come back with a catchy phrase or two that weren't so nice; and probably would have dropped the F bomb or two depending upon his level frustration reached by that point. Although, I didn't cuss on that crappy interview, but don't think for one minute that I wasn't far from it! I know now when  I'm being abused time-wise and emotionally. - Pardon my rant, folks - 

It's a shame that I found this stuff out later in life. I've earned the right as an older person to be respected as a human being, and that I don't have to sit and be abused by jerks. I think some people do this to get a reaction.

Are married people really that miserable with their spouses or is this just their way of rubbing our noses in their muck? My brother tried this with me and I haven't spoken to him since January. He was cheating on his second wife every chance he got. But just he and his second's wife attitude towards me after Gil's death was a real turn off for me.-  Pardon my crassness. -  

I have taken on a few of Martin's habits, as well. It's amazing to know that when they were here, they were themselves- a counter balance to us. But now, I realized how much I knew and learned and I use it every chance I get.  I am 54 and it is hard to get back into the job market. The thing I had going for me is that even though I did not earn a paycheck, we owned our own business, so I  had some "skillz". :) Keep looking forward, you'll find something and will be treated well.

I agree with you on this YLG. Owning your own business is the way to go. The job market can be very sketchy and unpredictable at times. I was looking for another agency that I happened to stumble across on one of those popular job sites. I;m already employed with a nursing agency, but work was slow during that period, so I applied for a position as a Certified Nursing Assistant. I've decided to stay with the nursing agency where I'm currently employed on a part time basis for now. I also have a full time job as well. I took a part time job because I needed the income after Gil passed, and I enjoy working with clients. They have free classes offered at the Community College in my area, and I took the Nursing Assistant and Dialysis Technician courses. They were fun and I learned a lot. I worked in the field over twenty-seven years ago. Those skills came in handy during Gil's chemo treatments.

I apologize, I didn't mean to get away from the main topic here.

Yup, I get it! Stunned is all you can be, because even if she was kidding, there's truth behind it.  doesn't sound like the kind of person you should waste your time with.  

At my older age now, I tend to blurt out my first thought when surprised/shocked by such a statement, I see my one second pause stare, then simply, "you're kidding, right?" It's like I would let em off the hook, but kept uncomfortable with the company.  The scenario would stay with me regardless of my reaction though. Because the offense had already been made.

UGH. I tell people that my grief from the death of Martin is no different than the grief someone else is going through in divorce. People try to quantify it by saying we had no choice because death was imminent or unexpected. Sometimes divorce is imminent or unexpected, too. I'm glad you left your friend un-puched!  She needed your good grace and your husband was probably laughing knowing that had he been there, you mighta!! :)


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