People keep telling me that my husband had a "good death" because he died in his sleep- that he didn't suffer but his death was a complete shock and we didn't get to see it coming and I didn't get to say good-by. He wasn't suffering where death may have been a release from pain. He was fine the night before ad then he just died during the early hours of the morning.
I love widow85's comment about how people have to be concrete when offering help. So many people have told me to let them know what I need and the ones who have said something like "I'd like to stop by and bring you XXX or spend time with you and which night works for you?" have been very welcome.
Disgusting and objectionable on so many levels! I'm sorry you had to hear that. My least favorite one is, "Now we just need to find you a man." Like I'd want anyone else after marrying and living with the love of my life for 12 years. Ugh. I'm wishing us all some peace and hope today.
He's an "angel" now. Well, I searched the Bible and other literature, and there is no indication that we become "angels" after death.
Please accept my genuine condolences for your loss.
Well-said Callie. I'm more than 3 years along in my journey and I've learned that many people don't know what to say. As a result, some say the wrong things. My own mom started comparing my loss to my brother's loss (he died nearly 3 decades ago) and, in the beginning, started talking about what she went through and her depression. At one point I was sobbing and asked her to please stop. I told her that I would never dare compare the loss of a child or any loss to mine. I explained that it was not a contest and that both circumstances were terrible but that I simply could not grieve for my husband and relive the experience of my only brother's death because I was at the breaking point and I simply could not handle it. She said other inappropriate things, which I've mentioned in the past and choose to leave there. She simply did not know how to "fix" her grieving daughter and I helped her understand that this was not something she could "fix" but something that I had to work through myself.
You also hit the nail on the head about how people handle grief differently and how some prefer solitude while others prefer to be with other people. There were (sometimes still are) days when I didn't want to be around anyone or speak with anyone. Other times, I am fine being with friends/family. It depends on the mood/day/moment.
People can truly say and do the stupidest things, I had a cousin of my late husband stop by 3 weeks after he (my husband) died and give his condolences and then proceed to ask me out on a date. Seriously??? Well I chalked it up to him having a great ability to multitask lol. I kept thinking, goodness I lost a husband of 34 years, I didn't just break up with my boyfriend.
A person learns lots of things about people when all is said and done.
when things get difficult then you see the true side of people.
Agreed, for me the biggest thing is some of the male friends, family that were my husbands. Not sure how to understand how the male brain works, it's like most of them go from being our friends to just wanting to jump your bones. Sorry if I sound sarcastic, but it really does seem that way. It really puts a lot of things into a different perspective when dealing with neighbors and so called friends.