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I had a person who was in the throes of divorce tell me that MY loss was "beautiful and romantic." My husband was dying of cancer at the time.

 

I felt sorry for her, and so, she went un-punched.

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Such morons do exist.. I feel so violent inside even hearing their voices

Me too! But when I try to express that to anyone who doesn't "get it" I get scolded for being irrational or I'm taking it too far and then I'm more angry.

That is totally insensitive. Until someone lives the same reality of your loss, they can never understand. I recently had a birthday and I felt just awful that day. Many posted well wishes to me on facebook, so I felt the need to respond, but waited until the next day. I gave my appreciation for all the wonderful posts and also noted that it was a particularly difficult day for me, but I was now on the mend. Well, one of my "friends" posted how long it took her father to recover from the loss of her mother and that the expected time lines of grief were from 3 to 5 years, with exclamation marks emphasizing this protracted time line. Then she proceeded to tell me to take it one day at a time. I really, really took offense to this on many fronts. First, she has never herself lost a spouse so she has no point of reference. Second, why would she attach a time frame to grief, which she probably pulled off the internet. To inform me that I have a looooong way to go? Was that supposed to make me feel better? Lastly, don't tell me to take it one day at a time. I've been there and have been living one day at a time. There is pretty much no other choice. Thanks for letting me rant : )

I find that absolutely no one can say the right thing and comfort me.  I wish I could somehow telepathically tell people to not give advice, don't ask how I am doing.  Just tell me you are thinking of me and hoping I had a good day or something like that.  I hate the "how are you doing" because if I say something vague they always think you are doing great!  Yet if I say anything other than "I'm hanging in there" and express my true feelings I know that is not something someone wants to hear and they almost look at you like they are thinking "why are you telling me this?" or "I regret asking."   It sucks!  I'm glad I can also rant - feels liberating!!!

My stock answer to "How are you?" was always "Compared to what?"

That's good!  But what kind of response did you get from that?  I need to start loading up with good responses. ;)

Usually none.  I guess it's kind of a rude remark, but the truth is that no one really wants to know how you're REALLY doing.  They just want you to say "fine" so they can go about their business.

Yes, exactly reflecting my thots

Someone at my husband's funeral came up to me and said, "I bet you have been hearing all types of horrid, meaningless things today from people who don't know what to say."  I had not heard anything horrid or meaningless from people who were there and was really unnerved by her callous comment. That was such a negative, insensitive thing to say to me about others who were there to express their sincere love and sorrow for my loss. 

Ah, and I would have found that curiously refreshing.  To each his/her own, I guess.

Not the way she said it. 

The most insensitive thing I have heard is Rachel and I aren't legally married because we don' have the piece of paper. Another one is.... I made a joke about my doctor to  an ex gf I have allowed back into my life  (she is extremely toxic).. anyways after I made the joke this ex told me to grow up and own my shit. I make a fucking joke!!!!! A joke!!!! That was suppose to make me laugh and then she throws this in my face??!?!?!?!? I AM OWNING IT!!! I AM LOVING THIS HELL WITHOUT MY SOULMATE EVERYDAY!!! 

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