A community of peers created by the Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation
THE worst--because of especially BAD timing--was when a friend of mine, who had previously shown sensitivity and respect and, y'know, empathy for things--well, for starters, he drags me to dinner a week after the funeral when I could still barely eat. He chowed down on a full meal and I had a shake. AND all he could talk about was his amazing girlfriend that he was about to propose to--and my late boyfriend, who'd been right on the verge of proposing, had been only in the ground for a week. Rubbing salt in the wound a little? Yeah.
The kicker was when he told me that I really should start dating again, because look at his father, who'd been widowed just the previous year and was already remarried. Through gritted teeth I told my friend that my beloved's body was barely cold, I was still in love with him, and I could not even contemplate the thought of dating at that point. I didn't know whether I'd ever date again. I'd become a monastic for all I knew. That's where I was only two weeks in. I was TWO WEEKS IN! and he was telling me I should start dating!
I couldn't talk to him for a year. I'd see him in church occasionally, mumble a few words at him, and then scram. Only recently have I felt able to talk to him again. I socialized with him again recently and things were fine. I think part of the problem was that I was so very raw, it was so very fresh, and he was literally about to propose to his girlfriend and could not talk about anything else. It was a perfect storm of awful.
...I suppose another classic, though, would be the month of what would have been our third anniversary as a couple, and a month before the year sadiversary, when my mom says to me, "Aren't you over this yet?"
I just looked at her incredulously, mouth agape. What can you SAY?
You can't say. But you can HIT.
OK not really but still. Your feelings are valid.
You can FEEL like hitting.