What is the most insensitive thing someone has said to you about your loss?

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Permalink Reply by CrazyWidow on February 1, 2011 at 2:10pm

I ABHOR THIS STATEMENT.

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Permalink Reply by gcortez55 on January 31, 2011 at 5:17pm

When I was receiving people outside my husbands church service the first thing one of his collueges told me was "So why did you drop my Linear Algebra course?". It had been 4 years ago since I was last in school.

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Permalink Reply by Hira Animfefte on January 31, 2011 at 10:52pm

Wow, what a narcissist that colleague was. And a jerk!

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Permalink Reply by LisaPop on January 31, 2011 at 5:48pm

"I can't believe he would want to be creamated"....after

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Permalink Reply by gcortez55 on January 31, 2011 at 6:40pm

Wow, I can't even comprehend that remark.

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Permalink Reply by Hira Animfefte on January 31, 2011 at 10:50pm

People should mind their own business!

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Permalink Reply by Hira Animfefte on January 31, 2011 at 10:47pm

THE worst--because of especially BAD timing--was when a friend of mine, who had previously shown sensitivity and respect and, y'know, empathy for things--well, for starters, he drags me to dinner a week after the funeral when I could still barely eat. He chowed down on a full meal and I had a shake. AND all he could talk about was his amazing girlfriend that he was about to propose to--and my late boyfriend, who'd been right on the verge of proposing, had been only in the ground for a week. Rubbing salt in the wound a little? Yeah.

 

The kicker was when he told me that I really should start dating again, because look at his father, who'd been widowed just the previous year and was already remarried. Through gritted teeth I told my friend that my beloved's body was barely cold, I was still in love with him, and I could not even contemplate the thought of dating at that point. I didn't know whether I'd ever date again. I'd become a monastic for all I knew. That's where I was only two weeks in. I was TWO WEEKS IN! and he was telling me I should start dating!

 

I couldn't talk to him for a year. I'd see him in church occasionally, mumble a few words at him, and then scram. Only recently have I felt able to talk to him again. I socialized with him again recently and things were fine. I think part of the problem was that I was so very raw, it was so very fresh, and he was literally about to propose to his girlfriend and could not talk about anything else. It was a perfect storm of awful.

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Permalink Reply by A Widowed Father on February 1, 2011 at 5:01am

Now that you're talking to him again, what happened with the girlfriend, are they happily married or did it not work out, if it didn't I'd keep telling him that he really should start dating again.

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Permalink Reply by Hira Animfefte on January 31, 2011 at 10:49pm

...I suppose another classic, though, would be the month of what would have been our third anniversary as a couple, and a month before the year sadiversary, when my mom says to me, "Aren't you over this yet?"

 

I just looked at her incredulously, mouth agape. What can you SAY?

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VOLUNTEERPermalink Reply by Supa Dupa Fresh on January 31, 2011 at 11:03pm

You can't say. But you can HIT.

OK not really but still. Your feelings are valid.

You can FEEL like hitting.

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Permalink Reply by postal widow on February 1, 2011 at 2:17pm

average time is 5 years to regroup at least, if not more with trauma, people need an educationg, they basically are saying we dont want to hear about it anymore, and putting you in a box.

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Permalink Reply by Bula100 on May 7, 2011 at 2:41pm

That is exactly right:  they don't want to hear it anymore.  I have had a close friend tell me that after having "been there" for me there was only so much of my neediness she could take and to let her know when we could start talking about something else.

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