I am wondering what I'm going to do this Thanksgiving. It was a day my darlin' and I always spent together, mostly just the two of us. We would work together in the kitchen. He made the pies. I cooked the rest. We would buy a special bottle of wine, and we would sit down together and enjoy the meal and the wine, and just have a lazy day. We might call some of our relatives and wish them a happy Thanksgiving. That has been the pattern for the last decade anyway. We bought a little cottage on a bay and often spent the holiday there together. But now contemplating spending Thanksgiving alone is giving me anxiety already. I live in a 55+ community and the people here have been excellent at keeping my dance-card full for the past few weeks, but everybody has somewhere they're going on Thanksgiving and I have nobody to impose myself on. I know I'm being a big baby about this but I've just about worked myself into a panic. Most of my family is gone but the few I do still have left live hours and hours away. My son lives half the country away, and anyway they have plans with some of their friends. I would love any suggestions from some of you who are farther along with their grief for how I can weather this day without a major break. I've had some pretty rough days during these last 35 days since he died. I see more of it coming with the holiday.
Kbagacina says
Posted on November 20, 2023 0
CynBon – I’m so sorry you feel so isolated. I think we all have anxiety of how we’ll get through the holidays. Please don’t diminish your pain by calling yourself a baby. You’re allowed to feel all your feelings. My plan for this 1st Thanksgiving without my Joe is to ask myself what’s the worst thing that could happen. I’d feel alone? I already do. I’ll melt down? Done that too and will do it many more times I won’t see a reason to be here without him? I’ve been down that road, too. I remind myself that I got through seeing him in a casket (worst idea ever). I survived putting him in the ground. Thanksgiving is just one day. I’m going to give myself permission to completely lose it if that’s what I need. Then I’ll get up the next day & do my best again. My question to you is can you plan to be with family for Christmas? Kim
CynBon says
Posted on November 22, 2023 0
One of my new, kind neighbors here in this community where we just moved in August has extended an invitation to me to spend Thanksgiving with her and her husband. They live across the street. I said yes. It felt like a lifeline. But now that the day is almost here I realize that no matter who I would be with, or where, it will just be another day to be gotten through. Like most of the other days since October 7 have been. My son and his husband are coming to spend Christmas with me. I’m glad they will be here, but not looking forward to the actual holiday either. All these firsts. I’ve already gone through our anniversary which happened just a few short days after he died. Now I can add, Thanksgiving, and then his celebration of life on December 8 (one of the most dreaded days in my near future). After that Christmas. We always went dancing on New Year’s Eve. That will be another sad day, most likely spent alone. I’ll watch the Ball Drop and drink champagne on my own. I am hoping this time next year I will look back and feel like I have made some progress through this grief minefield.