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what to do with ashes ?
my wife passed awyay about ,about!!,no sorry exactly 9 weeks ago , one of her last request in fact vicki all ways said dont put me in a box in the ground ,I want to be cremated and then bought home so i can look over you all for a while, But we never really got around to talk about how long or what to do with her ashes in the end. The time is quickly approaching when we need to go and collect her ashes from the creamtorium and i dont know how i will handle that or what to do with them when i get them home. Any comments or suggestions would be appreciated.
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Ccdague on -
Spudrat.....I am almost the same time frame as you are (it was 8 weeks on Thursday -march 22) . I picked up his ashes from the funeral home about 2weeks later.....but I had selected one large urn and 2 smaller urns....matching ....either for my children or to use for scattering in the places we loved. Going alone to the funeral home was the toughest.....but they were so kind and gentle. The urn is so beautiful....no one knows but me what it is.....privacy is something we valued together. It is a unique decision you are making...whatever you do will be right. Hugs and blessings to you. I am so sorry for your loss.
Carol from Boston
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Permalink Reply by Shelly on -
I will be 4 mths out next week. My husband left a letter asking to be thrown in the river or put up at the family farm (suicide).We got his ashes back a couple weeks after his death. I was surprised it was so quick. The family and I wasn't ready to do anything with the ashes. His urn is a beautiful wooden box with his name carved o it. ( he was a woodworker )It will be given to my three young daughters to share amongst themselves after we scatter his ashes. My girls were uncomfortable having him in our house, so we took him to his Dad's house until the family can all get together. He is sitting on mantle in his childhood home where his Dad and brother live and where he took his life. We thought it woulid give his Dad having him there. I wish you peace and confort in the days to come.
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Permalink Reply by Joyce on -
Hi Sprudrat: My husband was a vet and it was his choice to be buried in a national cemetery, so that was one decision I didn't have to make. Here is a link to a discussion on here about ashes, maybe it will be helpful to you. http://widowedvillage.org/forum/topics/asheswhat-to-do-with-them?co...
Hugs!
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Permalink Reply by Ace on -
I put my husband's ashes in the side bag of his Harley motorcycle. I was certain at the time that it was the perfect place-when I thought of it, it gave kids and I great comfort. Would visit motorcycle and take ashes out occasionally to convince us that everything truly happened and he truly was gone and we had ashes left....not that I am truly out of shock that we did not beat his cancer diagnosis....it just takes a long time to believe your on your own..except for the memory of what they would think,do,say,feel about something. Well we were certain he would of liked knowing that there was just the exact amount of room on one side of the saddle bags for the plastic box that his ashes are in. A few years later I finished our attic (a dream we always talked about doing-someday) well when complete that is where the ashes got moved too.Seems like the perfect place near the photos from his memorial that got put on boards. Every day we live is a reminder that he WAS and IS forever our experience of pure love...so other than placing the ashes for safe keeping and respect for the precious dust left.....!if we eventually sprinkle it in the sea,off a mountain, any favorite place that feels perfect it is all OK and helps us get through till the next day just a tad changed from the day before. I have heard some really funny belly laughing stories regarding what some widows have done with ashes. Couple of years ago--a widow that was in process of moving -when she picked up ashes...for safe keeping....she brought them to her office cubicle....well once there in a box under her desk...well that worked for her....she was angry with him for myriad of reasons. so his ashes stayed there where she tried to figure out what and where the eventually should be....his family was no help with this....so the ashes sat....occasionally the cardboard box the plastic box was in had her feet perched on it. She had a promotion and a move was needed....well he just about turned sheet white when handed the box as she said here move my late husband for me. Poor innocent kid had a shock to his system. Oh and ashes I believe just went to the next office.
She wasn't ready to figure out different place yet....it worked for her. Only sharing this because....we are all so different...no judgment ....just as long as your comfortable with decision. Oh, I was told by crematorium when I picked up ashes....almost all by myself....finally found a friend to go with me....NOT one family member would come with me....and I asked them all first.....ugh....I got a bit upset remembering that....talk about....feelings of total abandonment and disappointment....well....it did not get better with them....for the most part....they were not impacted by his death...they were planning surprise 50th for his brother for week after memorial. Very cold and thoughtless family members ....my kids father did not make it to 48 and memorial was on what would of been his 48th birthday the week before this surprise birthday...one his ignorant wife was making arrangements for while my husband's chemo was failing and we were being told he had days to live.....none of them cared other than to get past day and obligation to go to memorial....then on to something HAPPY. Life as usual goes on for everyone else....but us left with ashes or grave site to tend...We have permission to do whatever we want.
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Permalink Reply by Mariposa on -
You don't mention whether the ashes on in an urn. If you haven't picked one out, have the the funeral home put the ashes into an urn- they have many tasteful and beautiful designs. Urns can also be engraved with the name, dates or more. It seems your wife wanted you to keep the urn at home. Find a shelf or a mantel where you can place the urn. Many people do this.
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Permalink Reply by bad ass widow on -
Spudrat, My husbands ashes are in the back seat of his truck which I drive everyday. My fathers ashes are there also now. My husbands original plan was for me to load some ashes into bulletts and be shot off on opening day for deer season. I have not been able to do that yet but I did spread some around the land he hunted. My Mothers ashes were divided between my brothers and me and at her request to be mixed in with the soil of yellow rose bushes that we were to plant in her honor. I like the rose idea the best, but thats just me.
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Permalink Reply by Lynne on -
It's such a personal decision so there's certainly no "one size fits all" answer. I think we each have to do what is most meaningful to us, whatever that may be. My husband died not quite two months ago and we had most of his ashes go out on a Navy ship, to be scattered at sea with full military honors. He had spent one entire career as a Navy Officer and it just seemed appropriate. We kept some, however, as there were two other places that we also wanted to put them. One is in our little home town where our first daughter, his parents and my mother are buried and where we both grew up, met and married. The other is in the gardens surrounding the home I now live in and that I shared with my husband for so many years. We had both so enjoyed doing the landscaping and gardening and it had been a true "labor of love" so it now seems like a very fitting "memorial" to him. Just choose something that has real meaning for you and you will be fine. Wishing you all the best. L.
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Permalink Reply by grace28 on
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What places did Vicki love? I have taken my Husbands ashes to two casinos, one golf course and soon to the beach. That's what I would do. I would like that for myself also.
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Permalink Reply by Lisa (lost) Lamb on
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I bought a nice urn and my husband sits on my night stand and has for a year now. I plan for him to be with me until my time comes then we will be mixed together and released. I know that's not for everyone but that's what we wanted. I also feel great comfort with him here with me..................Lisa
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Permalink Reply by Angie aka Woody's Girl on -
Oh Lisa! Thank you for the perfect solution! My husband's ashes are on his nightstand because I want him close to me. But I couldn't imagine that our sons would want to keep us both! Mixing us and releasing us together is exactly what I'll ask them to do for us.
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Permalink Reply by Cathy on
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My husband was cremated per his wishes, but left no plan for the ashes. I have taken them to the family cottage, left them in lakes we swam and sailed in, took them to the ocean and left them in a favorite snorkeling spot, have 2 small urns for my children, and the rest sit on his dresser in a ceramic pot I threw. Still thinking about those, may have them eventually joined with mine some day, and left in nearby memorial gardens. I would like a specific spot for my kids and grandkids to go and remember us both by, but am not quite sure of that yet, so just taking time and leaving them sit in the bedroom. The pot now has several of his hats perched on it, I have gotten used to it being there. Just because you collect them from the crematorium does not mean you have to do something with them immediately. It's been 2+ years for me, I just felt it was one decision i could put off for awhile.
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Permalink Reply by honeys(puddin) on
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Lisa (lost) Lamb that is exactly what I am doing with my Honeys ashes. He will be in a clock urn on the mantle till I die and am cremated then we will be mixed together and taken to our favorite seaside retreat and spread there. I can't wait till we are together again:)
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