My wife of 19-years passed away from an incurable disease 2/12/2014. The week after the funeral, I enlisted the help of my sister-in-law to go through 3-boxes of her books and some clothes. What a mistake that was! Books - no problem, take them all. Clothes - Man did that rip right through me; and it was my idea! How stupid can I get? Guess I didn't learn my lesson since I'm posting it for all to see. You're thoughts?
Totally understood, Doug.
Can't even throw away his deodorant. I'm using it and I smell like Mennen Artic Wind, or something. Gives me a whiff like when I used to hug him.
I wear my love's deodorant, either on his clothes or something so that I can smell him. The first few nights , i rubbed it on one of the last shirts he wore and put that on his pillow so I could snuggle with him again..
I was starting to run out a little after the accident, I was the crazy lady at walmart buying her late boyfriend's deodorant.
I am very attatched to my love's things. His brother came into town and started looking around for stuff of his brother's he "needed". We had just buried him, and I was not ready for those possessions to leave. It has only been 18 days since my love has gone and I can not fathom removing anything of his from our litle space. I wear his hoodies all the time (I did when we first got together as well) I find myself wearing his boxer briefs when I need to feel extra close to him. I also wear the jewelry he was wearing in the accident. Someone will have to pry them from my cold dead hands if they want them.
I am not ready to part with anything of his.. In fact, throwing away his cup from Sonic from the day of the accident was hard enough, and it is just a fast food cup..
Remember that the holiday season includes all kinds toy and clothing drives, so for those of you with clothes, shoes, socks and toys that you want to donate, this is the time. I read an article this morning about a sock drive and I will look into donating my wife's socks. There were plenty of them....
My love had TONS of socks.. alot still in packages.. This is a wonderful idea. He would love the fact that he was helping someone!
It is 13 1/2 months and today I finally got up the nerve to clean his closet out. Previously I just disposed of medical supplies and old socks or worn or torn items. Everything is packed to go and I saved a few items he wore alot and bring back memories. Also some shirts I will wear when I paint. There is a local hospital that has a sale in the spring and donates the money to the cancer center. Now I just need to find a place to store them till then so it is not a reminder to me when I see them. Also I plan to give a few small items to friends and family as a keepsake. I'm having a quilt made from his tee shirts for myself. For me I needed to wait to complete this task as it would have been crushing for me earlier. Each in our own time.
13 months here and I'm gearing up to do exactly the same. Thanks for the inspiration.
Doug, my husband passed on 2/18 so we have dealt with this horror for the same amount of time. I was forced to pack everything in my house up less than a month after Jeff passed. We were living in a hotel due to storm damage when Jeff died suddenly. In order to get the repairs done to allow my children and I to move home, I had to go through everything. It was the worst. When I moved back, pretty much everything was put right back where it was with the exception of Jeff's dresser, my son is using it now. I got an end table and a nice settee to put where his dresser was. That spot is my talking spot.
I don't know if I will ever fully get rid of most of his things, if anything his items will be passed on to my kids, his kids, his parents and family. I can still smell him on most of his clothing, I can still picture him throughout our life reading the books and I can hear him telling me about it. His energy is still in all of his stuff and I can feel it. Maybe that is unhealthy, but having those things that keep those memories so alive is what is helping me through this process.
I simply cannot imagine getting rid of ALL my husband's things. I have some of his CDs, about a dozen dress shirts, one suit, one blazer, two light jackets, and 3 storage bins of other clothes and memorabilia. Some of what he had was just trash -- years of bank statements of pay stubs, papers, etc. Things of value, like his musical instruments, I gave to the people he had specifically wanted them to go to. Everything else was either donated given to friends, or freecycled. I found that giving his things to others who could use them and thinking of them enjoy them helped my healing process -- the friend who now spends evenings poring over his boxes of comic books...the men in the inner city trying to put their lives back together who are wearing his suits for job interviews...my co-workers who go home and watch his DVDs and listen to his CDs. It really does help. The only sad part is when I go to the basement and look at those three storage bins and think, "You live a life and this is what's left? Three storage bins?" On the other hand, it then makes me think more about my own stuff and helps me part with things because I think "Do I really want my sister to have to deal with this?" I have no children, so when I'm gone, it's tag sale city.