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We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

There's nothing like the death of a spouse to scare you out of your mind. So what's frightening you these days? Get the fear out where you can look at it, instead of just having it running around in your mind like a nasty, sneaky predator. 


Here's my list for today:


I'm scared that I might not be able to go the distance with the man I've been seeing for the last few months.


I'm scared that the health insurance I bought (after losing my husband's "cadillac plan" after he died,) might not be good enough in case something bad happens around here health-wise.


I'm scared that when I want to go back to work there won't be any jobs for me cause I'll be a woman over 50 with a Bachelor's degree.




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The realization that if I became seriously ill, or become somewhat disabled for a period of time, that there will be nobody to do for me like I tried to do for Arlene. Also the realization that unless I am out in public, I could be dead and nobody would notice and that they wouldn't come visit my grave after I was gone. They all are too busy with their own lives to worry about me.

Don. there is no guarantee that anyone will do for us what we did for your loved one.  I just hope that my daughter who is my guardian will put some thought into finding me a good place, which will probably be a nursing home, in which to end my days when that time comes.

I too dread dying here and remaining undiscovered as few people beside my next door neighbour call on me and he is away a lot.

I scared to be alone.... I am scared I want to abandon my kids... I am scared of the future... A 4 year plan seems so far off.... I'm afraid I'm not going to make it.... I'm afraid to sleep.... I'm afraid that I will forget what my husband looks or sound like.....I'm afraid of being old... 40 is so old in the dating market... I'm afraid that I'm so stuck.....I'm afraid of my anger.... I have always been afraid to die alone....but that is the reality....

Hi GrievingNurse,

Your post really made my heart ache and I wish I had magic words that could take some of the pain away. One day at a time is all we can do, I guess right? I'm afraid of the future too, both the immediate and the long distant, sometimes I feel like if I start screaming I'll never stop - that the panic will overwhelm me, so I try to break it down to 'right now'. This second. This minute. Just focus on this moment, what's around me -the colour of the trees/cars/clouds/grass whatever is around. The future can't get me right here. It's a long way off and it can damn well stay there! I don't know if that makes any sense but it helps me at least. 


I'm not sure what your situation is, but try to take it one day at a time.  You are on a journey and try as best as possible to embrace it.   40 is not to old to date, but don't worry about that now.    I'm 55 and I'm four years out and I'm finding out things about me all the time.   I'm not even sure if I even want to be in another relationship.   I seem to be able to make friends, but never more than that, and you know, that's ok too.   I saw someone most of last year and it never progressed beyond a friendship.   She's seeing someone else now and that's ok.    Good luck, Grieving and we will be here for you.   More than anything, be kind to yourself.

Looking back, after 3 months, Im still scared of being alone....I saw someone weeks after dh death and fell in love...Im scared at my age (40)of my options....
For me its either marrying a rich guy and abandoning my kids or keep on strong and waot for the one I love as he is not ready...
My 4 yr plan is already in motion...went to England woth my son to explore moving there....Im afraid of getting fat and not being attractive, did not have to worry bout this previously....Im afraid of managing money, still angry at my dead spouse for leaving me with nothing.....

Just went to the doctor's for a minor health check and suddenly there are a few things that need investigating, one of which I need to attend to right away.  As usual there will be no-one to care for me so have to make sure I have everything in place.  I know I will be out of action for a few days.  I know it isn't true but sometimes it feels as if no-one gives a damn. Even my kids. Sometimes I wish they were more regularly in contact so they know what is happening in my life and I could talk things over with them.

only 1sue,


    I too am going to the Dr.... For a check up / mammogram. My sister is taking me. All the luck to you to whatever may be wrong.


I'm scared of the Holidays Oct, Nov, and Dec. My husband died Dec 20, 2016

I'm scared of where my finances will come from and what it will be.

I'm scared about my future, and what it will hold.

I'm scared of my new life.

I'm scared I'm losing my step family.



    I know the holidays ( Oct. Nov. & Dec. ) will be hard. My husband passed away on Dec. 7, 2016. It was hard enough last year. At least his year I'll have a grandson to help me. :-)


Two months ago I had the worst pain in my chest.  Eventually, I called 911 on a  Sunday evening.  The fire dept followed by the ambulance arrived and they found it was not my heart but that I did need to go to the nearest hospital, nearly a two hour ride.  It started at 7:30 pm, and due to the weather (snow and sleet) I arrived at the hospital around 9.  They ran tests, did a CAT Scan, and that next morning did an ultrasound to confirm that I was having a Gal Bladder attack.  5 days later I was in a hospital in Denver to have my gal bladder out. 

At 72, that was the first time I'd been in a hospital for myself and the first time I'd ever had surgery.  I was really scared, and living my worst fear, I was alone.  I did not realize how unique I was until neither the doctors nor  nurses could believe that I'd never had surgery or been hospitalized before.  I've been in them dozens of times with Susan.  Heck, even the "gurney drivers" knew us.  My intake nurse chatted with me and helped me through the nerves and suggested that I might want some Versed for my nervousness.  I watched her put it into my IV and that's the last I remember till I woke up. 

Well I survived my nightmare and am back to my old self, but I still fear (a little less) being alone.  I always figured Susan would be holding my hand if I ever was hospitalized.  Alas, that was not to be.  It's tough being alone.



Frank, I just had a surgical procedure and felt the same.  Who do you turn to when you have no "significant other".  Strangely enough I was not asked to give a contact number this time.  It was only day surgery but it still got me thinking about being alone.  I rang my daughter when I got home and told her she was my contact number from now on. She is the closest, would have taken her about an hour and twenty minutes to get here if she had been called.



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