There's nothing like the death of a spouse to scare you out of your mind. So what's frightening you these days? Get the fear out where you can look at it, instead of just having it running around in your mind like a nasty, sneaky predator.
Here's my list for today:
I'm scared that I might not be able to go the distance with the man I've been seeing for the last few months.
I'm scared that the health insurance I bought (after losing my husband's "cadillac plan" after he died,) might not be good enough in case something bad happens around here health-wise.
I'm scared that when I want to go back to work there won't be any jobs for me cause I'll be a woman over 50 with a Bachelor's degree.
Don. there is no guarantee that anyone will do for us what we did for your loved one. I just hope that my daughter who is my guardian will put some thought into finding me a good place, which will probably be a nursing home, in which to end my days when that time comes.
I too dread dying here and remaining undiscovered as few people beside my next door neighbour call on me and he is away a lot.
I scared to be alone.... I am scared I want to abandon my kids... I am scared of the future... A 4 year plan seems so far off.... I'm afraid I'm not going to make it.... I'm afraid to sleep.... I'm afraid that I will forget what my husband looks or sound like.....I'm afraid of being old... 40 is so old in the dating market... I'm afraid that I'm so stuck.....I'm afraid of my anger.... I have always been afraid to die alone....but that is the reality....
Your post really made my heart ache and I wish I had magic words that could take some of the pain away. One day at a time is all we can do, I guess right? I'm afraid of the future too, both the immediate and the long distant, sometimes I feel like if I start screaming I'll never stop - that the panic will overwhelm me, so I try to break it down to 'right now'. This second. This minute. Just focus on this moment, what's around me -the colour of the trees/cars/clouds/grass whatever is around. The future can't get me right here. It's a long way off and it can damn well stay there! I don't know if that makes any sense but it helps me at least.
I'm not sure what your situation is, but try to take it one day at a time. You are on a journey and try as best as possible to embrace it. 40 is not to old to date, but don't worry about that now. I'm 55 and I'm four years out and I'm finding out things about me all the time. I'm not even sure if I even want to be in another relationship. I seem to be able to make friends, but never more than that, and you know, that's ok too. I saw someone most of last year and it never progressed beyond a friendship. She's seeing someone else now and that's ok. Good luck, Grieving and we will be here for you. More than anything, be kind to yourself.