This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

I took mine off way before I started to date -- but I tend to get very long-lasting tans -- so I took mine off around the first anniversary, at the beginning of summer.... I figured that when I tan, it lasts till October, and by October, I'd probably be ready to date. Didn't want anyone to think I was cheating (or "on travel," as they say!).

Turns out my timing was nearly perfect....

Views: 28834

Reply to This

Replies to This Discussion

I wore mine for several months after my wife died then I sent both of them to a jeweler in Upstate NY and had them melted down and had one ring made, a Claddagh. 

I've been widowed for 3 months.  I removed my wedding ring for a day last week, jut to see how I felt.  It felt so strange and detached from having been married for 35 years.  i also wasn't ready to give single- or married- men the wrong impression.

I've got it back on and feel protected again.  I will probably take it off after one year, but who knows.

I believe I answered this already - that I removed my ring shortly after Ed died.

Recently my sister and I were going through my mother's jewelry (she died in March) and we came across a ring she had made! Silver and unmistakedly an S shape! We looked at each other, I popped it on my finger where it fit perfectly, and now I wear that ring. I have missed wearing a ring so this is just so perfect.

Wonderful ideas....I have 3 of Bill's wedding bands....and 3 of my rings...have no idea what I can make our of all of this....been thinking of it off and on doe almost 7 years...(:

I have answered this earlier, but here is an update: I have been widowed 4 1/2 years now. My own wedding ring became uncomfortably tight, but I did not feel comfortable with no ring. Solution: I have been wearing my husband's wedding ring on my middle finger for 4 years.  It feels like a good way to acknowledge our connection and my widowed status, even if I'm the only one who knows. I find that even with it not on my ring finger, it seems to project the "I'm unavailable" vibe I was looking for. I doubt I'll ever take it off.  This is such an individual decision, and I think anyone reading this should feel comfortable doing whatever feels right!

I totally agree, Hope.  It's such an individual decision for any of us going through this and whatever any of us decide to do....should feel comfortable for us and we should know we are doing the right thing for us. My husband died close to three months ago and I wear his ring behind my wedding ring on my ring finger. This feels right for me.  When and if that changes in the future....we'll see.

I am at 6 1/2 years and still not sure of what to do with our rings...I don't think there is anything I can do with Bill's to wear them....but mine are different....I put a very pretty and delicate wedding band on the other day that looks so's all small diamond chips in a white gold band that points into a V in the fragile.....I looked and looked at my engagement ring...and am thing either a pendant with just the center diamond or the small chips around it ....or what I would really like is the center diamond alone in a pendant...with the chips made into a pair of earrings.....I'm going to take it to a jeweler in my neighborhood who only has one of a kind jewelry...and see what he says is possible..finally a thought at least...couldn;t get there all these years...

Hi everyone,

I wanted to give my different perspective and situation on the wedding ring discussion. My husband lost a lot of weight during the last 6 months of his life that he couldn't wear his wedding band anymore, and he placed it in his top drawer of his bedside stand. A couple weeks before he passed he reminded me that his band was there, because he wasn't sure he was going to make it, which led to a long emotional discussion. He wanted to be buried with "our" wedding band on, so that is exactly what I did. He has his and I have mine!

I am allergic to metal and if in contact with my skin for any length of time, it starts leaving an itchy red rash in the shape of the metal, eventually "eating" my skin raw if not removed. So when it became time to purchase wedding bands I was very nervous and wasn't sure what to do. There is a company that does make decorative rubber wedding bands, mainly for people who can't wear jewelry for safety reasons, but I really didn't want to do that. So, when we went to pick out wedding bands, the woman who helped us, told me that they can put a hypoallergenic coating on my ring and that a lot of people had had a lot of success with it, so I did that. After my husband placed it on my finger, I was amazed after a couple of days that the metal ring wasn't "eating" my skin. Yay for me! Well, 6 months before my husband passed my ring every now and then would itch and I told my husband that the hypoallergenic coating must be wearing off. We discussed having the coating redone on mine and having his resized, but we never got to it before he passed. By the time my husband passed away, I was very aware of the presence of my ring, because it itched and was irritating my skin underneath the ring, but I refused to take it off. Six months after losing the love of my life, my ring was irritating my skin so bad, it was not only itching so bad I couldn't stand it, but it was now starting to "eat" my skin. In a moment of "I've got to get this thing off my finger" moment, I ripped it off my finger, gave a big sye of relief while saying ahhh. And then I realized what I had done, and totally broke down, especially after realizing the date. It was exactly 6 months to the day of my husband's passing. I was shocked, mortified, and inconsolable. After I came around, I realized that I would never send it out to be recoated for fear that something would happen to it and be lost to me forever. I couldn't take that chance of losing the ring my husband placed on my finger. I knew I couldn't put it back on my finger, so I put it in the display case (that contains a few other precious things), that sits on my fireplace mantle, where I can see it all day long. After removing the ring, my skin healed, leaving a dark scar ring (like a tan) around my finger in the exact shape of the ring where it once used to sit. Even though it's summer and I have a tan, I can still see the scar ring of where my wedding band once sat. There are days that I can physically feel the wedding band, not the itching or sore skin, but the actual wedding ring on my finger. To the point that I have to look at my finger to verify to my brain that it is really not there! Weird, but true. I think I am going to have his signature tattooed across that scar on my finger in Indian ink that would match the Indian ink tattoos that my husband had.

I don't know if there is anyone out there, like me, that buried there spouse with there wedding band on. I just wanted to say that if there is, they're not alone.

I still wear mine, 17 months out. I still feel as though I'm married and I don't know if I could remove them and still feel okay. I think if I would have passed away before my husband, he would wear his until the end of his days. There are days when I feel as if I should, but then I reason, why? There is nothing that is right for everyone, so I'll just figure it out as I go along.

I am still wearing my wedding band, and his, actually. It is 5 and a half years out. I just never felt to take them off. In the meantime, I started "seeing" an old family friend in October. We dated in a platonic manner for 3 months. Our first kiss was on Christmas night, and by Jan 10 he proposed. So I now have a diamond, too. Miss Manners said that in the Victorian times a widow kept her rings on for life, or in the event f a remarriage, she kept them on until the morning of her next wedding. I feel strangely in tune with this and it is still one form of proper etiquette. ( I say a widow should do what she feels in her heart.) My new guy is very patient and understanding with all of this. He has held me in high regard for a long time, over the years of friendship. I have three grown children and I think they have been appreciative of his attitude and the rings. I will change it up before the wedding. The date has not been set. 

I realized I kind of like the Victorian way - My late husband is the one who married me and fathered my three wonderful children. My fiancee is the one who has promised to marry me and he brings me much joy and love.  Everything in its own time. I was never 'looking" and never tried to be available... I felt my husband's soul bless me the night before this new friendship was rekindled. (It had been nearly dormant for many years...) I felt my husband bless me and tell me to be open to the new love that was coming...

So my late husband's love is even a part of my new love.... so it is natural for me to continue to wear the rings... I may switch them to my right hand, or???? Not sure yet. I still have time. 

Most guys would not be quite so understanding... So I am not saying anyone should try to follow my example. I am just a representative of a very small niche category these days of keeping one's wedding ring on all the way to the next wedding day. 

Love came by surprise. I never really thought it was in the cards for me. 

I am happy for you and wish you and your soon to be husband all God's blessings....I think he is patient ...but also feel you need to continue to do what's best for you the wedding approaches I feel you need to decide what you will wear and wear...have you considered having your rings from your late husband reset into something you would be comfortable wearing eveyday...maybe a necklace or a reset ring? I;m sure you and you new husband will figure something out......PEACE

The fact that it was a Victorian tradition to leave your wedding band on till the morning of your remarriage says that there were many other people who felt the way you do.  As long as you and your fiance are comfortable with it, that's what counts.


© 2018   Created by Soaring Spirits.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service