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I took mine off way before I started to date -- but I tend to get very long-lasting tans -- so I took mine off around the first anniversary, at the beginning of summer.... I figured that when I tan, it lasts till October, and by October, I'd probably be ready to date. Didn't want anyone to think I was cheating (or "on travel," as they say!).

Turns out my timing was nearly perfect....

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About a month or two after my husband died, I got a bee-sting right on my ring finger. Had to take the ring off because of the swelling. I took it as a sign from him that it was the right time, that I needed to start moving on (even from that early date), and I've never put it back on again. I keep our two rings together, in a carved wooden box a friend made for me (the box was actually made to keep some ashes in...but I've never used the box for that purpose...at least not yet).
It's well over a year at this point and I still have it on...
Is it my imagination or does this simple band of white gold that I don't even notice is on anymore because I'm so used to it actually feel really weird when I take if off?  I've been thinking about it, and realized that the only reason I still have it on has nothing to do with a connection to my late wife, she won her battle the day she got me to actually start wearing it, I'm sure she's shocked that it's stayed on my finger as long as it has.  The real reason I'm still wearing it is because I don't want to deal with my casual friends and acquaintances noting that I took it off, and offering whatever it is they will, encouragement, advice, etc. and especially the comments from family.

The main reason why I removed it is so I dont' have to explain my situation to people (hairdresser, manicurist, parent at kids activities etc) who dont' know me, when they assume I have a husband because I am wearing a wedding ring. I dont' mind talking about it but more than anything the other person feels awkward and overly apolegtic and I'd just rather not go there. I am about to have it sized so that I can wear it on my right ring finger instead. Although hmmm..that may promote other interesting dialogue like why it is on right hand instead of left.

 

@ Peter:

I totally get it, esp. the comment re: the fight to get you to wear a ring. :)

Duane initially refused but on our wedding day he surprised me by buying rings for both of us (we had agreed: no rings) -- and he wore his til the end.

I totally get this! My ring was my husbands grandmothers. I took it off when ever I was home or doing an outside activity. My husband took his off when he was doing an outside activity as well. When he died, I put it on instantly upon hearing the news and couldn't take it off.

At about 7-8 months, I considered taking it off but was afraid it would tell people "oh look she is over it and ready to MOVE ON". Far from true. I just felt like looking at my rings made me feel like I was waiting for him to come home. I began to take it off at home but would wear to work and around friends. At one yr, I took it off and put away. I see myself wearing it at times. I would make it into something but want he engagement ring for my daughter to have should she want it. It truly is beautiful.
I'll have to go through my blog and see if I wrote it there, I honestly don't remember. Then again, I don't remember many things in my life ... how the hell do women remember when they started their period? I haven't a clue, my life was sooo screwed up back then lol (sorry Peter lol)

at Heathrow Airport before I boarded my flight to Geneva to meet my exboyfriend from boarding school (he found me a year after Cliff died) and we'd lost touch back in 1982 ... we're allowed to be frank and honest here, right?  Well I'd asked him if he could "help me out" because I'd just started thinking about and missing sex ... and so enjoyed a few weekends in different cities with him ... better than going for a massage ;-)

The first and so far only time I've had "relations" since my loss I was still wearing mine, and there was a picture of my late wife and I in the apartment being as it was with a friend of hers...  Guess that's a little weird, and not nearly as exotic as international city hoping with someone from boarding school.

don't think it matters where ... but I mentioned that because at the time it was really really important to me (it wouldn't be now though) that it was "away from home".  I don't know

why ... but it seemed crucial to me a year ago.  Widow/er brain?

He lives over there and travels with work a lot, so it was the only time we could find with both our jobs.

I don't think it's weird Peter, maybe because it was your wife's friend, she had similar qualities?

Same for me ... only one person.  And I think I asked him because, we'd already been together, I knew and trusted him and we agreed on no commitment whatsoever ... but sharing this with you has just made me understand that subconsciously I probably favoured my decision because "it didn't count" because we'd already experienced this together as teens - perhaps if that makes sense?

I don't think where would matter, unless it was my room, which is still full of her stuff, and pictures of us happy.  It's funny you say that "it didn't count" as this person wants me to help her out now because she's still single and lonely, and my thinking was basically been there before so it wouldn't really be an issue to go there again.  I describe her pretty well in another post I made in one of the groups on here, probably the one about dating.  As far as similar qualities to my wife, not really, it was more an understanding of the situation, at that point I felt more comfortable with someone who knew the whole story.

I will go check out your other post.

I totally get that about the understanding of the situation ... this friend of mine has become one of my most cherished sounding boards today.  He is smart and a calm influence ... he talks through stuff with me, makes me slow down and think before I act, as sometimes I am blind to the fact that my emotions can be coloured or biased by grief.  And we are close enough that he can say that LOL.

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