I took mine off way before I started to date -- but I tend to get very long-lasting tans -- so I took mine off around the first anniversary, at the beginning of summer.... I figured that when I tan, it lasts till October, and by October, I'd probably be ready to date. Didn't want anyone to think I was cheating (or "on travel," as they say!).
Turns out my timing was nearly perfect....
I still wear mine, 17 months out. I still feel as though I'm married and I don't know if I could remove them and still feel okay. I think if I would have passed away before my husband, he would wear his until the end of his days. There are days when I feel as if I should, but then I reason, why? There is nothing that is right for everyone, so I'll just figure it out as I go along.
I am still wearing my wedding band, and his, actually. It is 5 and a half years out. I just never felt to take them off. In the meantime, I started "seeing" an old family friend in October. We dated in a platonic manner for 3 months. Our first kiss was on Christmas night, and by Jan 10 he proposed. So I now have a diamond, too. Miss Manners said that in the Victorian times a widow kept her rings on for life, or in the event f a remarriage, she kept them on until the morning of her next wedding. I feel strangely in tune with this and it is still one form of proper etiquette. ( I say a widow should do what she feels in her heart.) My new guy is very patient and understanding with all of this. He has held me in high regard for a long time, over the years of friendship. I have three grown children and I think they have been appreciative of his attitude and the rings. I will change it up before the wedding. The date has not been set.
I realized I kind of like the Victorian way - My late husband is the one who married me and fathered my three wonderful children. My fiancee is the one who has promised to marry me and he brings me much joy and love. Everything in its own time. I was never 'looking" and never tried to be available... I felt my husband's soul bless me the night before this new friendship was rekindled. (It had been nearly dormant for many years...) I felt my husband bless me and tell me to be open to the new love that was coming...
So my late husband's love is even a part of my new love.... so it is natural for me to continue to wear the rings... I may switch them to my right hand, or???? Not sure yet. I still have time.
Most guys would not be quite so understanding... So I am not saying anyone should try to follow my example. I am just a representative of a very small niche category these days of keeping one's wedding ring on all the way to the next wedding day.
Love came by surprise. I never really thought it was in the cards for me.
The fact that it was a Victorian tradition to leave your wedding band on till the morning of your remarriage says that there were many other people who felt the way you do. As long as you and your fiance are comfortable with it, that's what counts.
so happy for you!!
Very happy to hear your news, Maria Louisa! Congratulations! Sounds like you and your new guy were divinely blessed.
My daughter has a hope in her mind that one of our friends will be my next love because they will have loved me from afar but because we were "Martin and Denise" it was not possible. Now, it seems...it is. I am not afraid to date but at the same time, do people understand etiquette of a widow and a ring? Sigh. Mine isn't going anywhere.
Maria Louisa, I am happy for you and appreciate how much you thought about all this. I just passed the second anniversary of my beloved husband's death on 2/17/16, and I haven't even thought about taking my rings off. I have his ring on a beautiful silver chain, and i wear it during our frosty New England winters, since the beautiful, intricate chain gives me a rash in warmer weather. I should buy another, but the chain belonged to my husband and it just feels like home when I wear it.
I believe with all my heart that everyone's grief journey is unique to them on a most personal level, and when something feels right to you, it IS right. I wish you and your husband-to-be a long and joyful life to share together. I hope you're going someplace fun for your honeymoon. Peace!
I never really wore my wedding ring so I am not wearing it now. I am trying to find a way to wear my wife’s engagement ring and wedding ring on a chain around my neck. I have two concerns:
I wear mine everyday and even have our silver wedding ring on a necklace I wear. I'l never remove them
I took my wedding band off the day that Sharon passed…and I asked the funeral home to remove hers and return it to me. I then mounted both rings in a shadow box and also put our marriage date and her passing date inside. I place that on the wall in my living room next to a laminated and framed copy of her obituary. In my faith we hold the last part of our marriage vow, “…till death do us part” as a truism. However, the last verse in Sharon’s favorite hymn, "Blessed Be the Tie That Binds” …
When we asunder part,
It gives us inward pain;
But we shall still be joined in heart,
And hope to meet again.
….is equally as true, and is my chief source of comfort. That is because the “hope” that is mentioned in the last line of that hymn is not “hope” as used in the common way. A “rabbit’s foot” type of hope but rather the assurance of what will come. Hebrews 11:1 tells us that it is true. I will see her again and, while we will not be married in heaven, we will stand together praising Our Lord. For we are still one in heart and, yes……”Blest be the tie that binds our hearts in Christian love” Thanks be to God!!!
Amen, Marty G.