I took mine off way before I started to date -- but I tend to get very long-lasting tans -- so I took mine off around the first anniversary, at the beginning of summer.... I figured that when I tan, it lasts till October, and by October, I'd probably be ready to date. Didn't want anyone to think I was cheating (or "on travel," as they say!).
Turns out my timing was nearly perfect....
I took my band off probably about 6 months after. I don't really remember the date which is odd for me. Anyway, I think I'll always feel like I'm still married to him but I didn't feel right wearing the ring anymore. It's been about 2 years since I stopped wearing it and just now I looked at my ring finger and realized that the indentation is gone now... I love that some of you have had your rings reconfigured and would really enjoy seeing photos.
I tried removing both our rings when I started dating, but I started dating too soon for me. I broke up with the guy and started wearing both rings together again. I liked the soft clink of his ring against mine. He had bigger hands and I used mine to keep his in place. But about a year and a half ago, I put his away in the silver ring box that our ring bearer held while walking down the aisle during the wedding ceremony.
Almost three and a half years later, I still wear mine as a reminder of how much I was loved and how proud I was to be married to Gary. I’m not ready to start dating. If I ever decide to take mine off, I’ll put it in the silver box along with his.
No removal here.
I’ve been waffling about what to with my rings. I’m over a year now.
My house was recently broken into and a bunch of my jewelry was stolen. I’m so thankful I was wearing my rings at the time.
I've never posted here before, however I have been reading/viewing many posts in this and other areas. I have had to deal with loss too many times in the last 10 years (father, brother, close friend, and recently spouse) that I initially had a strong exterior when it comes to loss. However my spouse was a very different thing. We were high school sweethearts, dated 7 years, married 10, have 4 very small children and her death due to cancer came quick, 7 months, 2 months after the birth of our fourth child. My wife died at the young age of 35. I thought I was doing ok, however this past weekend we would of been celebrating our 11th wedding anniversary and fathers day on the same weekend. It was rough, however I did decide to try taking my ring off. I'm not someone who normally wears jewelry but for the last 11 years my wedding band has exception. I rarely ever took it off. Now, a few days later after it's off, it's still a pain when I don't see it there. I'm not sure if it's right or if I will keep it off, but I feel like it's a step. I know I'll love her forever, but I also know I need to grow. I'm not sure what is "right" but just wanted to add to the comments, and say thank you for all who posted as reading the variety of other peoples decision and reasons really does help.
Condolences on the death of your beloved spouse.
There is no "right" or "wrong" when adjusting to the death of a spouse (or any other loved one). Do not allow anyone to tell you otherwise.
Personally, I prefer to keep wearing my wedding band; I see no reason to cease wearing it.
Losing one's spouse IS different.
Sounds like you should keep wearing your wedding band. I wore mine on my left hand for 5 years. I still wear my widow's ring. My wedding ring doesn't fit on my right.
So sorry for your loss but i'm glad you found us.
Zwrest I am sorry you had to find us but it is good to have you on board. Slick really has it right. "There are no rights and wrongs with grief". No two grief's are the same. We just share the same loss of a loved one. We do evolve and yes we even grow with what has happened to us. I say this after eight years so it is easy for me to talk that way now. Your wedding ring is not what keeps your love alive. That happens simply because the love is true. I still wear my ring and will die with it on. I was part of a book titled "Grief through the eyes of men" in which I spoke about how I would always wear it and never marry again because I was a done deal long ago and had already found perfection. The day the book came out was the day I met a widow who I would then marry. She felt the same way and wears her wedding ring still today. I contradicted myself for certain which proves that you never know what may transpire to change your life. I will always love Kathy and for all of time but now I have an inscription inside my ring that my bride Patty put there that joins us both in a four way love affair. Grief does not end even if you find new love and there is not a day where we don't think about them. Sometimes we hug each other in our pain while knowing they brought us together. But it is not the ring that keeps the love alive.
Yes you will love her forever and I hope you can feel her strength and guidance to help you on your grief's journey. It is indeed difficult but know you are not alone.
It sounds like you're on track with just seeing how it all feels, Zwrest, and that's as it should be. There are no rules in how we do this widowed life.
I didn't think I would ever take mine off … but I did in April of this year, more than 7 years after my Vern died. I was in a space where I felt taking my rings off was a step I needed to take to know whether I really wanted to venture into the dating games. It was not an easy thing to do. And I still look at that finger and can see where rings have been for the past nearly 49 years. But it was the right move for me to take at this time of my life. (Even though I've decided I don't want to date.)
I took mine off just last week. 1 year after he passed. I work with my hands and I damaged my wedding ring, but was able to repair it, and almost lost my husbands'. I tried to take them off then but felt naked without them and felt a bit like I was betraying my husband as I still feel married. I became panicked at the thought of permanently damaging or losing one of them so I made the decision I needed to do something so I could take them off and put them in a safe place. Last month I commissioned a jeweler to create a widow's ring. It came in 2 days before the anniversary of his passing and I waited until after to exchange my rings. Now I feel better. Our wedding rings are safe and I don't feel naked or guilty.
I have seen some posts here about a “widows ring”. Can anyone tell me what that is?
It's nothing that's "official". Some people have had their ring and their spouse's formed into a new ring.
I had the idea of a black diamond surrounded by small white ones as a mark of the void at the center of my life and the light that surrounds it in my new life. The ring I bought was not terribly expensive, but it is evocative of what I wanted to say. And it has the added advantage of looking ambiguous. Some people have bought the same ring (I know from online comments where I bought it) as engagement or wedding rings. So it could be a wedding ring; it could be an engagement ring, it could be a widows ring, it could be just a ring. I like its ambiguity.