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Today marks the 9th month that my husband died.    It seems that every month since he passed on the 13th day, all the memories of his death come flooding back.  Is this the pattern that will be with me forever?  The sadness doesn't last all day, but it is a reminder that I am alone; and I will never have someone look at me with the same connection to life and love.  Just wondering if this is unique to me because I am a "date/time" nut or is this normal. 

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I am sorry for your loss, F.Y.  I'm glad you were able to spend those last few hours with him. It is no surprise that you go back and "relive" those moments as so many of us do. I remember in the beginning I had little control over those thoughts any more than other memories that would pop up in my mind, causing me to cry.  It could almost be described as involuntary--but that's what grieving is like. In time, we regain better control and those memories no longer take over our thoughts 24/7.

Your last paragraph describes the way I feel about my own husband. I am grateful to have had that kind of love. Sad that he was taken away so suddenly but realize that I had been given something many people do not get to experience during their lifetime. This attitude will help you as you navigate your grief journey.

Former Yooper, I am so saddened with your shared reflection. I know what/how the mind is. I'm sure each of us here, because we are on this path the unplanned path, know the truth of what you say. I particularly know "The One" and "My One," only 47 years. It could never be enough time could it?

{{{Hugs}}} for you.

I lost my husband 13 months ago and I can still remember vividly his last hours- he died at home with support from hospice. They're not bad memories.  I hope I never forget sitting near his bedside reading from the Book of Common Prayer as he took shallow breaths with eyes half-open, and what his face looked like in death.  Just last weekend I was reliving some of this while talking with a trusted friend.

I've done better than most here- I've had some wonderful trips since Ron died and I'm enjoying my delightful granddaughters- but I hope I never forget his last days. 

The 2nd to 3rd year I hear from everyone is the worst & was for me.  It's when the reality of yes this is your life.  You are totally alone (I have no family, children etc)  This will probably be your life for the rest of your life.  I was only 52.  Most of that year I was a zombie.  I don't remember much.  It all felt so completely useless.  I worked at a horrible place, boss had no compassion (Typical millennial).  I fond I just had to accept this could be it.  Thank God for my pets.  Of course you have to make all new friends, which hopefully are widows or widowers so they "get it".  This is my 5th Christmas alone my birthday is Dec 27th alone.  I find now it's just fighting being bitter that I am still alive.  I have trouble accepting that.  Doug got to die & I am left in this terrible world of every day another terrorism attack.  I hate it.


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