It has been four years since I lost my wife. Until two months ago I continued living in the house in which she died -- in a very remote location with little in the way of support mechanisms. I got by just keeping busy and distracting myself, only really breaking down when alone in the car. Then two months ago our home was taken by the current lava flow in Hawaii. I got out with the two dogs and a suitcase of papers and clothes. No affordable insurance existed so it is a total loss. I've landed on the mainland and am housesitting for a friend of a friend until October and have some FEMA money to tide me over. Rewriting the CV so I can start over -- at 58. This most recent loss has rekindled my feelings of loss of my wife. I realize that I can only get so far in my bereavement through distraction. I now feel I must make space in my life for a deeper grief, acknowledge it, and let it flow through and out of me. Not sure how to do that and can't afford medical help. Been trying self help books but can't seem to get it through my thick skull -- keep rereading the same bits over and over and not getting it. I'm pretty isolated in my new location as I don't know anyone here, but I hope to meet some folks through this organization and find a way forward...
Kip, you'll find your way, the important thing is to keep plugging away until something sticks.
I can totally see how losing your home would trigger everything, it is a loss to grieve on its own. I wish you the best of luck. Hugs
Oh my!! Yes, we can often postpone and bury grief.... I did so after my first husband died by working. But, when my father died it seemed to trigger the suppressed grief. Writing helped me, and has helped other people. Please keep us posted on how you are doing. What a horrible experience, and to be going it alone without your spouse makes it all the more difficult. Sending hugs.
Yes, our minds sort of prioritize our life and problems. The disaster in Hawaii' is a self preservation "thing" and it did take precedence for a time, over the loss of your wife. Now that, that imperative has calmed down, the loss comes back, sometimes in full force, and we have a new "problem." Look on line, for a Grief Group and see if their is not one somewhere near. I have a 120 mile trip, one way, to participate in "Mine." My group meets twice a month and in between, I participate here in WV. Between the two, I've made progress, and my adult son's are no longer afraid for me. Start by talking about your loss in a Blog, or in chatting with others here in WV. Oddly, the more you talk about your loss, your life, your wife, and each time include more details and feelings, the better and more able you can speak freely without breaking down. It helps.
Hi from New York. I'm so sorry for your loss, first your wife and then your home. I understand how any type of loss can trigger our feelings of grief. I'm going through right now myself and having a very hard time. If you still need help with your CV, I'm happy to offer my services as a professional resume/CV writer. Feel free to email me at [email protected]
All the best to you.
I too kept busy so I didn't have to deal with the loss of my husband. I kept telling myself I had to be strong for the kids, grandkids, family etc. I finally joined a Grief Share group. It has been such a release. It is a place where I can face my loss. I have cried through the sessions and there are people there who understand and have helped me. I hope you find some peace. Hugs to you.
It'll be six months for me next monday when I lost my wife suddenly. At first I was kind of on auto pilot with all the stuff you have to do (finance, insurance, accounts, funeral, ad nauseum) but since that was kind of handled the realization started kicking in. I also started to grieve the loss of my first marriage, which although ended in divorce-which was my choice-kicked in, as well as the loss of a career thanks to the banksters at that time. I had not realized that I hadn't grieved those losses until now. It was nice to find this site as it helps to get through. It's football season which was a big part of our lives in the fall, going to the games and tailgating with friends, and she's not here with us. That kind of reignited the grieving.