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Where to be buried...
So this might be a morbid topic, but death is what unites us...
Has anyone given any thought to where they want to be buried?
A year ago if someone asked me I'd have said, right there above my wife, you see it, that spot where the grass hasn't even grown in yet.
But as time went on and I thought about there being another wife, it became more of a conundrum with so very many variables, and to this day is a question to which I have no definitive answer, but which comes to mind anytime the idea of future happiness does.
Tags: memorials
Views: 986
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by A Widowed Father on -
On the one hand, I think about my daughter, how much easier it would be for her to visit her parents if they were together. But then I think, she's only 3, if I found a new partner she's going to identify them as her mother in some fashion for most of her life, and she'll likely want to visit her too, maybe I should buy the next plot and we'll all be together, but that would be sorta weird, and would this issue of where to put me become an issue between my daughter and my new wife if I died first, and what if the new wife is a widow, would she want to be buried with me, or with her departed spouse. I found myself this morning returning to an old joke, well I actually was never kidding, but nobody including my wife took the idea seriously. I think I should be taxidermied and placed in a rocker beside the fireplace in my daughter's living room. And for generations to come all of my female grandchildren and great-grandchildren should have to bring potential boyfriends to meet me first, and hopefully they'll take off running.
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Permalink Reply by Boo on -
Cliff was cremated and his ashes scattered via fireworks. I have some left which are kept in a locket and I will be cremated wearing that locket and my wedding ring will be put in the coffin (I decided to leave his wedding ring on him after he died).
Even if I were to have another relationship, I wouldn't change this.
Just remembering that even though my dad remarried after my mom died, he stipulated in his will that his ashes were to be buried with hers so that my sister and I could visit them together.
It's a hard choice for some people, I'd imagine. Especially those who are widowed young (and never stop loving their first spouse) who remarry and love the new spouse (equally yet differently, somewhat like a mother finds enough love in her heart to love each child equally). Because they may have been married for 5 years to one, then another 40 years to the next. THAT would be very difficult I think?
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Permalink Reply by A Widowed Father on
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That would be my issue exactly, I had every intention of growing old with Claire, but she was diagnosed with AML early in our marriage, we spent our very first anniversary in the hospital, and she was gone before we made even made it to our third. Granted we knew each other for almost 10 years and it doesn't mean I don't still love her any less, but the reality is that if I get remarried the chances are that I'd spend the majority of my married life with someone else. Is it like riding shotgun in the car, she who had dibs on me first gets my body for eternity? If I were to outlive a future spouse then I'd have to make the choice based on what the future holds, but if she outlived me, is it fair to her to not let her decide what to do with me, or would my wishes be to leave it up to my daughter? If I were cremated I would think that I'd be split in half, but I don't want to be cremated. There is also the possibility that a future spouse will have a desire to be buried with her family or their own departed spouse, and in that case I'd assume that they'd be fine with me doing the same, and it would be a non-issue, except for the fact that it would make our lives together seem temporary, as if we're placeholders until we each return to our original spouse, but for widows and widowers is this not at least partially on some level actually the case?
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Permalink Reply by Boo on
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it's hard isn't it? I think being cremated gives you the option as you described above ... but as you say, not everyone wants to be cremated. And that means you either make the choice or let your spouse make the choice.
Death sucks.
Interesting because a blog I follow describes this issue today - here's the link if you want to read it:
I loved what you said in your closing words. Succinctly (must focus on that LOL) and so astutely. So true.
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Permalink Reply by A Widowed Father on
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The comment about the plaque on the grave just made me contemplate the other half of Claire's stone if I don't end up on top of her. I'd always imagined that if it weren't me then Hannah would want to eventually be with her mother, but hopefully she'll have her own family one day as well, and will likely want to be with them, so maybe if I'm not there I should still have my name added, along with the location where my body can be found, in case anyone is looking for me.
Peter
1980-2075
I can be found at XXX Cemetery
Plot number XX by the oak tree.
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Permalink Reply by Boo on
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I'm glad I sent the link then. She wrote that blog post on the day you were wondering about it. I love how we can all help each other and not even know we are! You know if you have a plaque like you described, if it was a memorial plaque (e.g. you added the words "In Memory Of" or similar, then you are still there, because you have chosen to be memorialized there. Similar to the way that some of the bereaved don't visit graveyards, but opt to sit on a bench erected "in memory of ..." and remember them and reflect. Your body can be somewhere else like you said. But your daughter could lay flowers by the stone AND the plaque. Your spirit(s) will be all around her wherever she roams <3
And I did notice the year of death you entered BTW ;-)
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Permalink Reply by A Widowed Father on
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I mentioned being taxidermied to someone else and they sent me this article...
http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2010/07/06/ap/strange/main6650706.shtml
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Permalink Reply by David's girl still on -
We have a daughter, she's our only child. I know, no matter what my future holds, when I join David she will be the one who grieves for me the most. So my decision is not only what I want but what will be easiest for her. I will be cremated and put in the same urn as David. He wanted to be spread in the Pacific Ocean. But, I can't do that yet. So, she will decide if she wants to keep our remains our spread them in the ocean. Whatever is more comforting for her. She will have her parents together.
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VOLUNTEERPermalink Reply by Supa Dupa Fresh on -
I want to be cremated and returned to the earth, one way or another. A marker doesn't matter to me, and location isn't important. Gavin doesn't have a marker anywhere and I plan to plant the rest of his ashes, too. Strangely enough I can't recall what my second husband wants but I doubt he'd be so romantic to think it matters for us to do the same thing....
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Permalink Reply by cleodoggie on -
Jim was buried in a Veteran's cemetery where all headstones are the same. The simplicity of it is nice. I am going to be buried on top of him. That's the way they do it there. Then they put my information on the back of the headstone because all veteran's information faces the front. It will cost very little for my children to lay me to rest by their Dad. I will be happy resting on top of him!!! LOL
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Permalink Reply by A Widowed Father on
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There are a number of new widows and widowers here now, many are younger folk, so I thought I would resurrect this topic to see if there are any fresh thoughts or ideas, or just in case anyone wanted to read thoughts already posted...
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