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Its just past 10 months since Helen has gone.  Whenever we went out for the day/evening when we got back home there was always (well usually!!) a message left on the phone.  Now I know that a lot were left for Helen but some were for me!!!  Now - nothing!!!  I know its me being sorry for myself and I know no way near as popular as Helen - but no messages!!!

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Hi! What i’m learning as a recent widow, it is important to reach out to people you like or have been a friend to you before. Post on facebook if you do that. People in ited me out quite a bit in the first couple of months but now i contact or email them and extend an invitation. Being a friend is how you make a friend. Have someone come over to share a bottle or glass of wine. This is your new life now. Ikm sure friends liked you too or wouldn’t have gone out as a couple. Leave a friendly message for someone you like and have them call you back. Yes it’s very lonely for us but we must reach out now. I have no doubt others would like to be with you. If you stay alone, some might think you prefer it! Most people are happy to chat with someone who has suffered a loss like we have. They want to keep you company but ask. In this case it’s understandable that you need others especially now. They can bring a lift. I know. I’m learning tomdo what i forgot how to do because i liked to be with my husband.

i wish you peace and the comfort of caring people!

Hi Bobbig, I am going through a phase of feeling a bit sorry for myself. Last night I was feeling a little bit lower than usual and perhaps a little bit hurt as well. And I should say not hurt for me but hurt for Helen.  I have a good group of friends (old and new) who I meet and talk to on a regular/daily basis but all of Helen's friends/family seem to have just disappeared. When I see Helen's mother and sister they ask me if I have heard from Carol or Gail or Heather, etc., all exceptionally good friends/cousins of Helen and all I can say is no. 

I know that life moves on and people don't really forget but do that just move on. I know its not that they don't care and don't forget but their every day normal life just happens, whilst I/we have to, as you say, start learning a new life.


well, you sound like a nice caring man! Being sad and feeling alone is a constant for all of us going through our losses. Sometimes if I’m around people I feel fine. I chat and smile because the connection to anyone, even for a short while helps me feel better. If i have no plans to see a friend. Busy time of year, i feel very down. It’s no fun but normal. We just all feel miserable some days. Treat yourself in small comforting ways. Maybe if you have a piece of soft familiar clothing that reminds you of Helen hold it close to you when you need that comfort. I do. I have 3 pen pals from this website and we write to each other and express what is hard for us and what helps. Tell of our lives before our loss. They match you up by time since your loss. Decade when you were born and general location where you live. Try it. You will have a friend to share with 24/7. Wishing you peace Ray. Your doing OK!

HI, I think it's for several reasons.  People, in general, don't understand, when the funeral is over it's over (for them), they don't want to intrude because they have no idea what to say, because they are afraid of you, because they are insensitive.  

There are as many reasons as there are people.  It doesn't reflect on you at all.  Also, I believe we as widows are hyper-sensitive.  

I agree that you should reach out and let your pals know what you need.  Invite them to dinner, or get up a poker game.  You'll soon find out who are good friends and who are not.  I am finding that I wanted people to reach out, then when they did I didn't want that either.  Strange.  The best thing I've been able to do is to cultivate new friendships while hanging on to the few friends who turned out to be actually genuine. 

Whatever you do, please don't take it personally that your friends are stepping back.  It happens to ALL of us.  


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