I lost my partner July 8. He was a ski race instructor in Andorra every winter, for the entire season.
We had a cabin in the Pyrenees and spent every single weekend there for five months last year. I dread winter, I don't know how I can face it. I have no future anymore...
hugs to you Peanut....
I am so sorry that you are experiencing this agonizing pain. The pain of losing a lover is unlike anything I have ever experienced. I would like to share this with you if I may, without sounding arrogant or callous, for that is certainly not my intent.
I too have wondered if I would survive the seasons, the holidays, the next month, next hour.
Truth be told, I am, surviving. It is difficult, agonizing, challenging, gut wrenching, tearful, all the adjectives one can think of.
But I/we are surviving-and you can too! You will survive, you have no choice.
There will be days you feel angry and not know where the anger is coming from or what its about-its okay to feel angry and cry and pound the wall and yell at the cat, at the car that pulled out in front of you.
It's ok to not take a shower or bath for a week if you don't feel like it-lol.
It's okay to go outside and scream, its okay to bury your head in a pillow and cry. Its okay to run outside at 0200 (if its safe).
It's okay to accept invitations to parties or gatherings and then cancel.
It's okay to buy something nice for yourself, something you may not have ordinarily purchased, or take a day long sauna, or eat ice cream and cake for 3 days straight-it's OK!!!
It's NOT okay to quit, to give up. That is not okay.
Grief is uncharted territory for all of us, and you are not alone. I am rooting for you! We all are!
Dear Peanutbritt: So sorry for your pain. My first husband loved skiing, and also spent every weekend teaching skiing (although in the Poconos, not nearly as cool as Andora).
Keep coming here to read and post. Know you are not alone. All here "get it".
I'm sorry for your situation. But we're all with you. Therefore, you're not alone. Just come here. :-)
Winter was always my favorite season. Fall and Winter both. To me, Cold Weather =Extra Cuddle Time.
It just got colder here in Barcelona. There are so many reminders of what I no longer have...Albert changed my life for the better, I loved winter with him in my life (I hated it before). And now...I don't know what to think. I am just missing him so much and that absence can't be filled. I do not know how to live now, I do not know how to move forward. I am faking everything. I am overly sensitive and get angry with others and misunderstand their intentions.
It's all just so hard.
How do I get through the holidays? I have no plans.
I'm sorry to hear that. We all have those reminders of what we no longer have. So I know it's hard. :-(
Like you, I'm also becoming quite well at faking and lying about how well I am.
Holidays are hard. I spent half of Christmas last year in my Mom's hallway crying, while my son holding me. Sometimes tears just fall.
I wish you well! I'm here along with everyone else if you feel the need to talk.