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Hi All,

I am a YWW just turned 30, my husband died 6 months ago, we had no children. I am looking to connect with other YWW who do not have children. I am slowly starting off on my new path in this life of widowhood but it totally sucks. I would love to connect with others that I can chat with.

I was married to my husband for 8 1/2 years and we were together 10 years.  My husband battled chronic illness (Behcet's & Crohn's) for the last three years and I was his full time care taker. My husbands illness did not take his life but a mistake that was made in his medical care. I am slowly starting of on my new path in life and mid august moving to NH to complete my nursing degree.

Please join this discussion and lets start getting to know each other.

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Hi Imogen,

I thought there would be more responses to but I also have been super busy to keep the thread up. I have made it a point to trim to my friends back to only the most supportive and best for me. It is a short list but 7 months out I am adjusting to a small circle of great people!

I feel like a Fried Green Tomatoes kind of widow.  Too young to be old and too old to be young.  I was 50 when my husband passed and, sadly, we never had human children.  We did, however, have a canine son, whom passed 5 years before my husband joined him.

It never seemed like the right time to have children and it is a source of emotional pain and regret for me even today. At first we did not feel ready, then we wanted to make sure that we were financially stable enough to give our child the best that we could provide for him or her and, then I went to school at night to finish my undergrad after he went on to finish his graduate degree.  Shortly thereafter, his mother got sick and was predominantly bedridden for the last 8 years of her life.  I can think of a lot of reasons why we didn't have children but, hindsight is 20/20 and we should have had at least one child.

We married in our late 20s and my husband decided to change careers in his early 30s from electrical engineering to the financial industry.  The problem there was that unless you know someone or graduate from an Ivy League school, most large banking institutions won't give your resume a second glance.  As the years progressed, the ageism factor reared it's ugly head.  Young blood in the financial industry is much more malleable.  And yet, my husband was so brilliant and everyone knew it, as they very often requested his expertise because he did his job exceptionally well.  Unfortunately, advancement to the level he should have had was becoming less likely as the years went on.  He became so stressed at work - having paid his dues and working graveyard shifts while he was gaining more and more experience but it was all for naught.  In the end, I believe it was the stress that took his life, as I received a call from paramedics at his job one night telling me he'd suffered a cardiac arrest and that they were working on him.   I basically woke up next to him in the morning, went to work and, the next time I saw him, he was stretched out on a gurney and gone.  He died minutes before I was able to make it to the hospital downtown. 

So, we met and became friends at 22, sweethearts at 24 and were husband and wife at 28.  In short, we were together for nearly 3 decades and, never in my wildest dreams did I ever imagine becoming his widow at 50.

I can relate on the never the right time to have kids, I to wish we had just done it and had some babies! We always figured there would be more time...

Oh Nieta I love the Fried Green Tomatoes comment - that is exactly how I feel. 

I'm terribly sorry for your loss. Life is cruel. 

Hugs. xx

Thank you Danielle.  My condolences for your loss as well.

Hugs in return

XX

I totally get the in the middle thing.  I was 49 when Doug died.  8 months later I am 50 & according to the world "old"  I don't feel old.  I went to a bereavement group of mostly people over 65 & kept being told I was too young to be a widow.  What am I to say.   Yeah I agree.  I didn't fit in, & quit going.

I don't fit in with couples, divorced people, single parents.  Even the church doesn't know what to do with us.  My church has a group for everything accept widows/widowers.  There is nothing shameful about being divorced now, support groups are everywhere. But after Doug died I felt like such a loser.  I even did my grocery shopping at 11pm just so it would be mostly empty, so no one would see the big LOSER stamp on me.  Two divorced people told me how lucky I was he died & we didn't divorce.

On the phone 3 weeks ago after we got thru the questions of my name, address etc, he said:  "are you Happily married, single, or thankfully divorced?"

First of all I never check off anything about this on a form, it has no purpose for being on there.  I replied "I was happily married , then he died".  the phone went silent.

They need a island to put us I guess. 

I was 44 when my husband passed away 8 months ago, turning 45 3 weeks later. I wasn't able to have children, but I do have 2 dogs that I call kids. I talk to them like they are kids and they act like they are kids. Spoiled rotten too! They have been my lifesavers. I was having trouble sleeping in our bed without my husband Joey by my side. My husband used to hold my hand in bed as we drifted off to sleep and I would give anything to hold his hand again. My 3 year old boxer/pit mix (BJ) decided she was going to sleep up in the big bed with me, which I didn't care. Well a few days after Joey's passing she laid right up against me the full length of her body along my backside. It was so comforting and for the first time I was able to nod off on my own without laying there waiting to pass out from exhaustion. Let's put it this way, I now can't go to bed without her somewhere in the bed. A couple of months ago I woke up holding her 2 back feet. I don't know how long she laid there allowing me to hold her hind feet, but I do know that it was so comforting to me that I nodded back off to sleep waking an hour later still holding her feet! I can only think that in my sleep I must have reached out to hold my husbands hand and found her feet instead!

My husband (who was 65 when he passed away) and I lived together for 6 years, then married 2 1/2 years. Like you byhisgrace08, I was my husbands sole caregiver and advocate. It was just the two of us and the three dogs until my chihuahua, who was 11 1/2 passed away of heart failure in my arms in August of 2016. It hit both of us hard with her passing. I had her cremated and I placed her on the mantle until my husbands funeral in Nov. 2016, when I took her off the mantle and placed her in my husbands casket. That way they will always be together and neither will ever be alone. I take comfort in knowing that they are together.

Well I just wanted to let you or anyone here know that if ever you need someone to chat with, I would really appreciate the conversation. I too, even with my 2 remaining dogs am severely lonely with no one who understands or has the patience or time to listen. Thanks for letting me ramble on and take care.

Hi Beloved Peach,

It is so hard but the fur babies help! I buried my husband with the ashes of his beloved childhood dog. I know the two of them are romping about in heaven!

They are unbelievably helpful in ways I could never imagine. I have to be careful, because I swear one of these days someone is going to be walking by hearing me have a full on conversation with the "kids" and there going to put me in a straight jacket and haul me off to a cozy padded room...lol

I agree with the help of fur babies. Mine were very helpful to me when my wife died six years ago. I just turned 60 earlier this year.

Not to worry about conversing with them either. I sometimes discuss the philosophy of Søren Kierkagaard or St. Augustine with my three cats--of course, the conversation is a bit one-sided. FWIW, my cats are also multilingual. I can talk to 'em in English, German, French, Polish or Russian, and their response is the same--they ignore me. :-)

John you made me smile.  After Doug died I sat my pets down & explained they now had to help out, no more freeloading.  No one cared. I talk to them all the time, even outside.  I don't care anymore.

I was going to learn French, but I guess, what's the point.

What's the point? Whatever you make it, Imogen. ;-) If you see some value in learning French, I say, "Go for it!". Just do it at your own pace. There are plenty of French-language radio stations available on the internet, and many public libraries offer language lessons online nowadays (Check out something like Mango.) in addition to language CDs.

I have never been able to learn Spanish, but I keep trying. (Perhaps I have too much interference from my knowledge of French. I don't know.) I had more success learning a few phrases in Cantonese when I went to Hong Kong for my 60th birthday.

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