I am a YWW just turned 30, my husband died 6 months ago, we had no children. I am looking to connect with other YWW who do not have children. I am slowly starting off on my new path in this life of widowhood but it totally sucks. I would love to connect with others that I can chat with.
I was married to my husband for 8 1/2 years and we were together 10 years. My husband battled chronic illness (Behcet's & Crohn's) for the last three years and I was his full time care taker. My husbands illness did not take his life but a mistake that was made in his medical care. I am slowly starting of on my new path in life and mid august moving to NH to complete my nursing degree.
Please join this discussion and lets start getting to know each other.
I thought there would be more responses to but I also have been super busy to keep the thread up. I have made it a point to trim to my friends back to only the most supportive and best for me. It is a short list but 7 months out I am adjusting to a small circle of great people!
I feel like a Fried Green Tomatoes kind of widow. Too young to be old and too old to be young. I was 50 when my husband passed and, sadly, we never had human children. We did, however, have a canine son, whom passed 5 years before my husband joined him.
It never seemed like the right time to have children and it is a source of emotional pain and regret for me even today. At first we did not feel ready, then we wanted to make sure that we were financially stable enough to give our child the best that we could provide for him or her and, then I went to school at night to finish my undergrad after he went on to finish his graduate degree. Shortly thereafter, his mother got sick and was predominantly bedridden for the last 8 years of her life. I can think of a lot of reasons why we didn't have children but, hindsight is 20/20 and we should have had at least one child.
We married in our late 20s and my husband decided to change careers in his early 30s from electrical engineering to the financial industry. The problem there was that unless you know someone or graduate from an Ivy League school, most large banking institutions won't give your resume a second glance. As the years progressed, the ageism factor reared it's ugly head. Young blood in the financial industry is much more malleable. And yet, my husband was so brilliant and everyone knew it, as they very often requested his expertise because he did his job exceptionally well. Unfortunately, advancement to the level he should have had was becoming less likely as the years went on. He became so stressed at work - having paid his dues and working graveyard shifts while he was gaining more and more experience but it was all for naught. In the end, I believe it was the stress that took his life, as I received a call from paramedics at his job one night telling me he'd suffered a cardiac arrest and that they were working on him. I basically woke up next to him in the morning, went to work and, the next time I saw him, he was stretched out on a gurney and gone. He died minutes before I was able to make it to the hospital downtown.
So, we met and became friends at 22, sweethearts at 24 and were husband and wife at 28. In short, we were together for nearly 3 decades and, never in my wildest dreams did I ever imagine becoming his widow at 50.
I can relate on the never the right time to have kids, I to wish we had just done it and had some babies! We always figured there would be more time...
Oh Nieta I love the Fried Green Tomatoes comment - that is exactly how I feel.
I'm terribly sorry for your loss. Life is cruel.
Thank you Danielle. My condolences for your loss as well.
Hugs in return
I totally get the in the middle thing. I was 49 when Doug died. 8 months later I am 50 & according to the world "old" I don't feel old. I went to a bereavement group of mostly people over 65 & kept being told I was too young to be a widow. What am I to say. Yeah I agree. I didn't fit in, & quit going.
I don't fit in with couples, divorced people, single parents. Even the church doesn't know what to do with us. My church has a group for everything accept widows/widowers. There is nothing shameful about being divorced now, support groups are everywhere. But after Doug died I felt like such a loser. I even did my grocery shopping at 11pm just so it would be mostly empty, so no one would see the big LOSER stamp on me. Two divorced people told me how lucky I was he died & we didn't divorce.
On the phone 3 weeks ago after we got thru the questions of my name, address etc, he said: "are you Happily married, single, or thankfully divorced?"
First of all I never check off anything about this on a form, it has no purpose for being on there. I replied "I was happily married , then he died". the phone went silent.
They need a island to put us I guess.
Hi Beloved Peach,
It is so hard but the fur babies help! I buried my husband with the ashes of his beloved childhood dog. I know the two of them are romping about in heaven!
I agree with the help of fur babies. Mine were very helpful to me when my wife died six years ago. I just turned 60 earlier this year.
Not to worry about conversing with them either. I sometimes discuss the philosophy of Søren Kierkagaard or St. Augustine with my three cats--of course, the conversation is a bit one-sided. FWIW, my cats are also multilingual. I can talk to 'em in English, German, French, Polish or Russian, and their response is the same--they ignore me. :-)
John you made me smile. After Doug died I sat my pets down & explained they now had to help out, no more freeloading. No one cared. I talk to them all the time, even outside. I don't care anymore.
I was going to learn French, but I guess, what's the point.
What's the point? Whatever you make it, Imogen. ;-) If you see some value in learning French, I say, "Go for it!". Just do it at your own pace. There are plenty of French-language radio stations available on the internet, and many public libraries offer language lessons online nowadays (Check out something like Mango.) in addition to language CDs.
I have never been able to learn Spanish, but I keep trying. (Perhaps I have too much interference from my knowledge of French. I don't know.) I had more success learning a few phrases in Cantonese when I went to Hong Kong for my 60th birthday.