I have been widowed for two-and-a-half years since the age of 55. I also have seen a counselor for a long time who was good, who is getting to be nasty and downright abusive to me. I have contacted another counselor. Am I a horrible person for crying and wanting my Dan back, and because it's impossible to have Dan back, for daring to think about dating? She says I have a very slim chance of ever having a loving relationship again. I did have a wonderful husband, but I don't want to be alone for 30 years. I'm really miserable and tired.
DavidB-5 says
Posted on July 16, 2023 0
I’m so sorry to hear about this experience, Carolyn. It doesn’t sound like this counsellor is meeting you where you are – or showing a lot of empathy or compassion to your situation.
As humans, I think we have an enormous capacity to love. And it seems completely understandable that when your relationship with Dan was so loving and secure that you might want to try and find something like that again. You alone will know when you are ready to date again. And if that feels right to you, then you should not feel guilty about this. Not for a single moment.
Life is short – often much shorter than any of us know. I believe in trying to seize moments of joy wherever you can find them.
I wish you much luck.
Sending light,
David
JudyS says
Posted on July 13, 2023 0
Carolyn,
I’m very sorry for your loss and sad to hear that you’re not getting the grief counseling that you need.
You mentioned that it has been 2 1/2 years since your loss, so technically you don’t meet the criteria for weekly Zoom meetings for “newly widowed in the last year. However, I can tell you that after attending the last 2 sessions, I found that a number of attendees have been widowed for more than 1 year.
I am mentioning this because I found the 07/11/23 session to be very helpful to me and based on your comments, I think it might also be for you.
You will find the session under the Meetings tab, Newly Widowed Program and then scroll down to meeting replays
I hope this helps.
Judy
missingmary says
Posted on July 13, 2023 0
CarolynS-3: Firstly, I’m sorry for your loss. Two and a half years is still quite fresh in one’s mind and heart. I am 8-1/2 years out from my wife’s passing. I have dated for about 4-years, and am presently in a relationship with a wonderful widow. We had actually gotten engaged last year, but due to some issues, we have taken a step back. This has really hit me hard. My therapist has said that the “break” was much like losing my late wife all over again. We are now talking again, and seeing each other on a limited basis. Not like we were over the last year. I guess my reason for bringing this up, is that at your limited time of being alone, many have said take your time at being alone with yourself. There will come a time when dating will be something that you want to do, not just so you don’t have to be alone. This is the one thing I struggle with. Take time to heal your soul, and eventually having a new relationship will feel more natural – not something you have to do just to not be lonely. I know it is hard. I still miss my Mary every day, but the pain has diminished to the point that I no longer cry at the sight of a photo, or a memory. They are now looked at with fondness.
Best of luck to you in your grief journey.