I've been trying to cope with the pain of loss since my wife died on Sep 13, 2022. We loved each other deeply. She was everything to me. When I lost her, I lost everything, even the desire to live. I've tried to find ways to cope, one of which has been to think and to say out loud that I will find a new purpose for living. I am going to build a new life that honors you, my love, and that honors the love that we have for each other. Having such a thought has brought relief and hope for the future.
At the same time, the hope is fragile. Something will trigger a memory of her and then the reality hits: she is gone forever….how can I go on without her?….I wish this would end, right here and right now….
And I sometimes think, what does it mean to honor my wife. It seems that an underlying premise of that thought is that her spirit lives on and that she would be aware of the life of her loved one — me. And, if her spirit exists, doesn't it make sense that what we humans call god also exists? If god exists, why would he take her at the age of 53? She truly was a kind-hearted person loved by many. Children took an instant liking to her, especially when she flashed them her warm and inviting smile. Why take her in the prime of life?
My coping technique of imagining a new life that honors Yoko does help me to cope, but my mind will often intercede and take me to places that I would prefer not to go, such as questioning the very meaning of life and existence. There are no easy answers. Maybe there are no answers at all. Feel the pain and move forward the best you can. Well, that sounds a bit too fatalistic! I do believe that there is a way forward and a way to find happiness again. I do not know what that path is, but I'll keep on trying to find it.
TimF says
Posted on February 7, 2024 0
I am two years past the worst day of my life. I was in a fog for several months. I started journaling, every day. Actually I converse with her like she is here. I tell her good morning. I tell her about what I dreamt, what my plans for the day. And I always tell her “I love you”. Towards the end of the day I tell her how it turned out, any news she’d be interested. And I tell her Sweet Dreams.
These are similar to conversations we used to have. It helps.
MichelleD-4 says
Posted on January 25, 2024 0
Hey KenL, sorry for the loss of your wife and that she was taken at such a young age. Sorry to see that you’re having a very difficult time to adjust living the rest of your life without your beloved wife.
I have also questioned God as to why he took my husband at age 57 and why we were cheated out of forever together. God took our spouses from us for reasons he will only know and we will not ever know. It’s a hard reality that we must accept and live with in order for us to move forward with our lives. I hold onto the little bit of hope I have left that I will have happiness and joy in my life again someday soon.
ChristineM says
Posted on October 31, 2023 0
Im feeling the same way. I lost my husband in July. At times I feel as if Im moving forward but then I get triggered by familiar places where we used to be together and the thought of the rest of my life without him seems unfathomable. I cannot even imagine it. I just take another breath, another step, thats all i can do.
Cindy W says
Posted on August 11, 2023 1
Thanks for sharing. I feel very similar. My partner passed away only 6 weeks ago and I often find it hard to get up in the morning. I feel lost and don’t know what to do without her. I sometimes feel like there is not much else to live for, like no point or nothing to look forward to in life. It’s like I sit here and stare into space waiting for the hours to go by. I feel like I might have little bits and pieces of joy now and then but I honestly feel like I will never be truly happy again
MichelleD-4 says
Posted on January 25, 2024 0
Hey Cindy W, sorry for the loss of your partner. I know that you feel like you have nothing to live or to look forward to right now but that feeling will pass. You have yourself to live for and she would want you to live your life happily.
I’m 4 years 5 months out and still haven’t felt this overcoming feeling of happiness and joy in my life again. My cat and my daughter are my happiness in life. My feelings and emotions are numb; I haven’t cried over my husband in over 2 years and I’m living in a state of misery due to having major depressive disorder.
I survive day by day and don’t think too far into the future cuz I’m fearful of the unknown and don’t know what will become of me.
DavidB-5 says
Posted on July 25, 2023 1
Hello Ken,
Thank you for posting this. You’ve managed to sum up so much of what has been whirling around in my mind in recent days. I am sorry to hear that you lost your wife, Yoko. Your give such a strong sense of her and your bond was clearly strong.
I really struggle with the idea that I will have no more chances to communicate with my partner or laugh together. I feel like we have been cut off mid-conversation and that’s the last chance we will have. I’m working on new ways to connect to him – so far, writing a journal has been most useful – but none are particularly satisfactory when all I really want is to have him here with me. But I know that’s not possible.
I agree with your idea that we need to put our efforts into honouring our loved ones. I am trying to that in whatever way I can – keeping in contact with others that he loved and looking out for them where I can, helping strangers whenever I can, being inquisitive and respectful about the world and open to all it can offer me and I can give back in return.
But these first few months are hard. I feel untethered most of the time. I could go in so many different directions but where do I go without him here to help guide me. On some days I find it hard to motivate myself to do anything at all. I feel pretty lost most of the time but remain hopeful that I will get through this and find ways to find joy and to lead a meaningful life once again.
Thank you for your words,
David
MichelleD-4 says
Posted on January 25, 2024 0
Hey DavidB-5, sorry for the loss of your partner. When did your partner pass away? It’s a harsh reality that we will never be able to communicate or laugh with our beloved partners ever again. You have good intentions of honoring your partner however you have to take care of yourself first and foremost before you can be there and help others and give back to them and/or society.
Rex says
Posted on June 17, 2023 0
Wow I feel so much the same way. Its only been January 15th. It seems to get harder not easier. I will be at the grocery store and just want to cry. Shows on TV I refuse to watch.
JustinM says
Posted on June 4, 2023 0
Thank you for writing this. I lost my wife on January 1st, 2023. She was 47 and we were married for 27 years. My world ended when she passed. These past 6 months have made me want to give up many times. Honoring her memory is the only thing keeping me going some days.
It’s nice to know we are not alone out here, stumbling along life’s path trying to find our way back to happiness. I am hopeful for the future. I look forward to the day that thoughts of her bring more happiness than sadness.
Your post let me know I’m not alone on this terrible journey.
CynBon says
Posted on November 1, 2023 1
“I look forward to the day that thoughts of her bring more happiness than sadness.” Yes, yes, that is exactly what I want, too. I am only 25 days into this but the grief is sometimes almost more than I think my body can bear. I feel shaky all the time, sick to my stomach most days, and just so so downtrodden. I visualize myself in a perpetual slouch. I cannot think about all the good times we had. All that does is make me miss him more. I can barely stand to look at pictures of him. At first I could, but I find as days go by, it hurts too much to see his face. I am hoping this is just a phase, because I loved the way he looked, and I want to have that feeling again.