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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

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We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

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Born in the 90s

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Members: 32
Latest Activity: Oct 13

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Comment by Lulu on September 21, 2018 at 3:21pm

Hey Kat, my favourite books are ‘I wasn’t ready to say goodbye’ and ‘I’m grieving as fast as I can’. I agree with you Megraf, I’ve made new friends too. It was soo hard but has made the days a lot easier. 

Comment by kat on September 21, 2018 at 12:13pm

Hi Megraf, thank you for taking the time to respond to my post. My therapist has told me many times I need to make new friends that are supportive and nurturing (because the few I have, which is essentially zero) are the opposite of that. Nights are so awful, I agree. I hope time will help me live in parallel with this awful grief. 

Comment by Megraf on September 20, 2018 at 8:45am

Hey!

I am so sorry that any of us have to be in this group at all- or even on this website. I was also 25 when I lost my husband, only married 1 1/2 years. It is so hard to find people our age that understand what we are going through. I lost Bran early Easter morning of 2016. It has gotten a little easier, but I had to make the decision that I didn't want to live that way anymore. Being in pain all the time was not who I used to be and I wanted to go back to my old self so I had to force myself to go out and make new friends. It was really hard when all you wanted to do was be alone and be sad, but in the end, when I went out, it turned out to be for the better.  At least during the day I can be present in "life," it isn't always that way at night though. I would have to agree with Lulu on how to get past the lowest of lows. In a weird way, it is a comfort to know that we all go through them. Screaming and crying until you can't handle it anymore. I still look at old pictures and videos of my husband and need to hold things that were once his and sleep in his old shirts. It has gotten much easier, and somehow you will be able to go through life without him. It seems impossible, but you just do it. I am here if you ever want to talk as well. It is so much easier talking to other widows/widowers. 

Comment by kat on September 20, 2018 at 7:00am

Hi Lulu

thanks for all the suggestions and advice, I actually am going to Camp Widow ( think the one in Toronto and Tampa) so hopefully I will meet some people my age there as well... I don't have any social media. Jacob was against it his whole life and as soon as he passed I just couldn't continue with it. It really has shown me who my true friends are though, which people will notice if you drop off... no one!

Thank you for those suggestions... I watch videos of him and listen to music we shared often. I cry so much. I need to start reading grief books, though. For some reason when I go to read them it makes it seem "final" and much too real. I want to stay frozen in time. Do you have any you recommend? One for someone new to reading these kinds of books? I would love to keep in touch, my e-mail is [email protected] and my phone number is 941-468-4933 that goes to anyone in this group who wants a friend or needs someone to talk to!

Comment by Lulu on September 20, 2018 at 2:57am

Hi Kat,

I’m so sorry you have reason to be in this group but im glad you reached out. I was your age when my husband passed away on his birthday :(.  Also no kids as we were married less then a year before sudden death shattered our life together (well mostly mine I guess it ended his). I’m 2 years out now and all I can say is it can get better so hold on to hope :). 

Im so sorry no one reached out at the one year. :( That must have felt awful! I like to write a post on Facebook that day and other important days to help people know I need support. Something along the lines of ‘hey, I miss you like crazy and I love you more then ever, so glad I got to know you’ kinda thing. Maybe that will help the people in your life? I actually spend a few days before the actual day composing it and rereading it since those days are so painful too. 

You’ve asked how to get through the misery and I think you have to find what works for you but I can tell you what I do. :)  In my lowest moments I like to do one of the following: read a Greif book (makes me feel understood and not alone), listen to music that reminds me of him (helps me cry it out), sometimes go for a run (makes my legs hurt more then my heart and it’s aupposed to be healthy), look at pictures or videos of him (again let’s me cry it out). I think the thing that has helped me the most in the long term has been realizing I’m not alone by meeting other people in our situation so I’m glad you found us! Have you ever been to Camp Widow? The people I met there turned my outlook on the situation around, they gave me soo much hope. There are sadly so many of us who really understand, and who are traveling with us. Everyone at camp is amazing and I got to meet people my age in person! Let’s keep in touch :)

Comment by kat on September 19, 2018 at 12:52pm

Hello, I know this is a relatively small group (it is so hard to find people my age (26), 25 when my spouse passed away to relate to. Everyone is out... getting engaged, having children, which many of us have been robbed of. I wanted to share my story... I lost my childhood sweetheart, best friend, and soul mate (from 7th grade) at 25 and he was 27. We dreamed of having a family, getting married and spending the rest of our life together. September 4th was the one year mark...I feel more depressed than ever. I have been on all kinds of medications and nothing seems to soothe the pain. The grief has isolated me. Jacob and I were each other's best friends, so I don't really have any friends - so, it's like being completely alone in a foreign land. How do you get through the awful misery? Especially when you have zero social support... no one even called on the year mark. I feel like I could die tomorrow and no one would even notice, but the one who is already gone... I am just looking for a way to find hope but I feel entirely hopeless. 

So is there anyone in this group who is willing to start or form a friendship with me? Help get through this awful time? Please message me if so... I am in need of social support and I know only you understand. 


VOLUNTEER
Comment by Soaring Spirits on December 25, 2017 at 7:22am

We're hanging out in the WV chat room for anyone who finds themselves alone on Christmas day. Join us!

http://widowedvillage.org/chat


VOLUNTEER
Comment by Soaring Spirits on December 31, 2016 at 10:57am

Don't be alone this evening ... we'll be in the Widowed Village chat room tonight to keep each other company. 

Event post:   http://widowedvillage.org/events/new-year-s-eve-in-the-chat-room

If you haven't tried it yet, here's a direct link to the chat room: http://widowedvillage.org/chat

Comment by Lulu on December 19, 2016 at 7:00pm
Thanks, I will pray for you too. Good luck to all this holiday season.
Comment by Mev's Wifey on December 17, 2016 at 11:19pm

Yes, I understand. I feel the same way too. Indeed, "crazy" might be the correct word to describe all this.

I am glad that you've been able to listen to it. Be very courageous, especially during these festive times. I'll keep you all in my prayers. 

 

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