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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

Born in the 40s or Earlier

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Born in the 40s or Earlier

Groups are a place to connect with others you have something in common with. Please get acquainted here and make friends anywhere on the site.

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Members: 193
Latest Activity: on Wednesday

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Comment by laurajay on Tuesday

One thing that holds true for those  of us in this senior age group is that of  those we love that are older than us  such as grandparents the majority of them are dead or  very old..and we will be losing them to death more and more...the few that are still alive.  The cycle of life includes death and it becomes apparent as we lose more and more people we are close to.  If you have an animal/pet  they too have a life cycle and they die also leaving a void if you had them for a while.  I don't think anyone here has lost only their spouse...family , friends, neighbors  etc...one by one leave us.   More reason to live for today and love who you can and  all you can while you can--because it sweetens the memories we are left with when they leave us.  Though remarriage is out of the question for many of us here by choice---I have had old people I know get a replacement pet , but mainly we must learn a way to live alone with the limitations of senior aging.  Such a difficult journey...

Comment by Jeanine on Tuesday

Barzan.... You were blessed to have a cat like that!  However, that blessing makes it that much harder to be without her.  I'm sorry for all your losses, and do understand the cloud you are under.  I hope meeting with the group next week helps you...

Comment by Barzan on Tuesday

Nearly five years ago, I watched my husband take his last breath at a hospice center.  Two years after that, I had to watch my dad take his last breath.  Last Thursday, my cat had to be put down.  She was almost like a service dog in that she could always sense my sorrow and would curl up by me and purr.  She would not leave my side until she could feel that the cloud had lifted.  Now that cloud is ever present and my heart aches and every breath I take has to be coaxed.  Only this group of people can really understand this pain.  I am meeting up next week with a local group of widowedvillage members and truly welcome the support and sharing.

Comment by Jim on Monday

Hi Laurajay.  I enjoyed your April 18th comments!  That it was said at 10:27 PM might include a little fantasy over your cabana boy :-)  ....chuckle, chuckle.  I just came home from a Church Conference in Chicago.  Was able to spend one night with my niece and her family.  Had a wonderful time there, but when I came home I found myself getting more and more depressed with the passing time thinking about Mabel...imagine my telling her about the conference, telling her about the joy I had playing with my niece's two daughters!  We never had girls of our own.  I had a meltdown thinking about her.  Her tennis teammates wrote to tell me about a match they lost.  I wrote back to tell them how much I enjoyed reading about their games.  Mabel never got upset losing or winning.  And she provided inspiration to the rest of her teammates that way.  I miss her so much...going on 9 months now.  My memory is failing me...(I can't remember the details of her face!...am upset over that...) I can remember hitting tennis balls to her.  I remember her jumping up while hitting a ball and I use to tell her not to jump...but I can't remember her face...I am distraught now.

Comment by only1sue on April 22, 2016 at 6:15am

I got two messages on Tuesday to say that friends of mine had died.  No wonder we are constantly grieving, not only for our own partners, parents etc but for the partners, parents and even children of friends.  In the first case I had to make a few phone calls as it was an old friend I visit in a nursing home and I am the contact to her old church friends, in the other I told my children as the person who rang me was the daughter of the woman who died but the death was three weeks ago.  All my children knew this family so they will grieve too. Sometimes it takes me back into my old grief and sometimes I find I have moved on from there a little and I can cope.

Comment by Hope on April 18, 2016 at 11:39pm

I am definitely not interested in senior centers or senior bus trips. Just not my thing. I would rather meet up with one or two friends to do something although right now I still struggle with pushing myself out the door. I have made some widow friends through the grief group which has been a Godsend because they get it.  Our home for the past 23 years has been a haven but now it is just lonely and too much upkeep and I will likely have to sell it for financial reasons. Still crying and feeling anxiety about this new life. I am grateful for my daughter and son being there for me but they have their own life. Yes, grieving and being older as well as thinking of moving is overwhelming....a lot to adjust to. I am relying on faith and learning to let go and not fear the unknown.

Comment by laurajay on April 18, 2016 at 10:27pm

Bonnie.  I really believe each year that passes now means greater challenge-widowhood aside. No one is in my body to feel my  pain or limitations but me. I am really annoyed by those who think " getting out" and staying busy all the time will make things better.  Ha!  Not true.  The answer seems to lie in finding out what pace is right for you whether you have one or ten centers near you.  I am not a senior center type of person...my husband was and enjoyed it.  I would rather  maintain my home, hone my cooking skills, enjoy my reading, my music and my writing.  I prefer time spent anywhere in nature.  I have no bucket list now---we traveled a lot of places when younger and able .  I am content with that.

  We do need to move our bodies  and that is a challenge  but  we must accept  our bodies will not live forever and balance means we slow down and honor our age with understanding and gentleness.  If you choose to stay in bed now and then at your age- I say do it and bask in the restfulness and nothingness.  We've done more at our age than all the boomers who came up through the technical age of  sitting with computers and I phones I pads cell phones and all the other things-   It was easier when we were younger!  It's suppose to be.   Also as there must be odds of ten women  to one man when you consider widowhood and age...so it's a big incentive for men who want company...to get out and let the ladies flock to them   lol     A group of ailing old ladies with pink hair and crooked lipstick  is not that inspirational to me...even if I look the part.  LOL  ( no pink hair or lipstick ever)  LOL    I think only a surprise cabana boy could energize me if the truth be told.   LOL  If I don't laugh at this I cry so I'm choosing humor.  Not to offend anyone.   Sometime  we should talk   . 

Comment by Bonnie on April 18, 2016 at 9:39pm
Don, This is not a large town. there is one Senior Center, but they play a lot of bridge there and I don't play, so there is little for me there. But I am trying to get involved in some other activities such as our local art association and that is helping. I know I have to make myself get out there, and I do it when and as I can. Somehow it all seemed easier when I was younger!
Comment by Bonnie on April 18, 2016 at 9:36pm
Hope,
It will get better, I can tell you that much. I know that feeling of just stumbling along in a coma. But it was worse a few months ago, and for the last two or three months I have had a little more energy. The physical therapy has helped and so has the dressing down the therapist gave me! I struggled through the first year and thought it would get better once I passed that mark, but it didn't all at once, in fact seemed harder for awhile. But now as I have passed 18 months and am approaching two years, I do find I have more energy, more ability to engage at least some of the time, and more ability to concentrate. I couldn't even read with any focus for over a year. So hang in there. You are getting through the very hardest time, the first months when you are really still numb and rather in shock. I think that is why it seemed harder for me in some ways as I passed the first year mark--the numbness and shock had worn off and I felt again--I know I didn't really feel for months. Now I am starting to feel more normal more of the time, so time really does make a difference. I am beginning to understand that the physical impact of loss takes a lot longer to heal than you expect.
Comment by Hope on April 18, 2016 at 9:05pm

Bonnie, I understand the lethargy and how hard it is to push to do things. Today I had good intentions but ended up pretty much sitting around all day. I sometimes feel I am practically in a catatonic state. I just want to sit and close my eyes and not think. If I have a particularly stimulating day and am active the next day I just want to rest. Its just how it is...I know before Ken died my level of energy was ten times higher then it is now. I am believing that as I do become more engaged and I process my grief I will get some of that energy back. Right now, I take it day by day. Its been 9 months and the stress of grief is wearing

 

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