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Born in the 40s or Earlier


Born in the 40s or Earlier

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Members: 232
Latest Activity: 6 hours ago

Discussion Forum

Coping with yearning for dead husband

Started by Noelene T. Last reply by Noelene T 6 hours ago. 10 Replies

 I am new to this group and I lost my husband of 26 years on Valentine’s Day this year. He was 85 and I am not 79. I had been married before but he had not. We had a wonderful marriage and he was the…Continue

First post - Aloha

Started by bellgamin. Last reply by Sun Flower 12 hours ago. 6 Replies

My  first post. Aloha from Hawaii. I was born in 1930 when (as they say) dinosaurs roamed the streets of Honolulu.My wife, Imiko, & I had been married for 56 years when she died of cancer. She…Continue

Joining seven weeks after my wife's death

Started by Neush. Last reply by Bonnie Nov 29. 9 Replies

We seem to have been blessed.  We had a long (43 years) and happy marriage, jobs that we both enjoyed, two daughters and four grandchildren that live nearby, a home and neighborhood we enjoy.  We…Continue

Unfortunately finding myself here

Started by InsideLove. Last reply by Noelene T Nov 27. 7 Replies

My husband died on Aug 28, unexpectedly..I have a grief counselor- her husband passed away at 47 years of marriage too and so, she traveled this path. I do have a grief group, 4 widows 1 widower.…Continue

Comment Wall


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Comment by Soaring Spirits on December 1, 2018 at 2:54pm

A member has requested that we create a group for those living in Assisted Living Facilities to share stories and issues specific to that lifestyle.  Here's a link to that new group:    To post within that group you'll need to first join it by clicking on the +Join button.

Comment by Bonnie on November 29, 2018 at 8:56am

I think people are uncomfortable and don’t want to cause you any distress and so just avoid it.  I also think that most people simply live in the moment of what they are doing and aren’t thinking of anyone else’s feelings.  That seems to be more and more the case with younger people.  Even my children seem to think that I am fine now or ought to be and so never mention anything that might mean they have to be sensitive to my feelings.  When I talk about my husband as I often do with friends, they too sometimes just move on to other subjects.  I think the subject of loss and death is just too uncomfortable for most people most of the time.  They will say what is expected at the time, maybe bring food and sympathy then, but once the funeral is over, life for them just goes on and I think they think it should for you too.  I have friends who have lost children and that to me is probably the most painful of all and something one never ever gets over and find that no one wants to talk to them about their losses either.  It is sad that in our world today difficult things are just swept under the rug and we are all expected to accept just moving on.  I think the recent reports on how the two young British princes have also felt that they were not able to deal with their mother’s deaths really underscore the fact that it isn’t only here, only us, but a reality of modern society that death is denied and ignored.

Comment by Cee on November 29, 2018 at 7:37am

Noelene, I have noticed that also.  At times I feel it is a matter of out of sight out of mind.  I do have a couple of friends that will mention him and something he did, but not often.  It also is a problem that the people here are newer to us and do not have a long history to pull from.  I do hear from people where we lived in the past and that means a lot to me.


Comment by Noelene T on November 29, 2018 at 4:15am

The thing i find hardest to come to terms with is the fact that no one mentions his name, i belong to a table tennis club and we were both members until his death, he was well liked at the club but when i am there now no one says anything about him . It is as though he never existed. I find this heartbreaking as I want him to be remembered in speech as in memory,

Comment by Noelene T on November 29, 2018 at 12:25am

I meant to say i am now 79, the hardest thing i find to cope with is nobody mentions his name. It is as though he never existed. Sometimes i feel as if i am going mad, the pain is so severe.

Comment by Faolan on November 24, 2018 at 12:03pm

Yes, getting through grief is often a one day at a time thing, at your own pace. Your lovely daughter had exactly the right idea, you must have a great rapport with her. We must make things easy for us, instead of forcing ourselves into uncomfortable situations for the sake of others.

Comment by DIVA70 on November 24, 2018 at 11:57am

I come here because here is where I find people who really understand what I am feeling. This is the first holiday season since my husband passed away in April of this year. It has been a period of highs and lows and ups and downs emotionally. I know he would want me to be happy and to join in the festivities. During our almost fifty years together we shared some pretty great times. Sometimes we were with family and sometimes it was just the two of us. This year is not the same. His absence is felt more than ever. Thanksgiving Day was better than I had thought it would be. My children and I decided to forego the usual big family gathering. My daughter and I went out to a very nice restaurant which turned out to be very nice. The place was packed. There were families together and friends celebrating together. It was a mixture of young and old and various ethnic groups all together as one. It was nice to see that not every person had a "partner". So I didn't feel uncomfortable being there with my daughter. The atmosphere was pleasant and the food was delicious. For us it was the right decision. I was invited to a family gathering today but I know Im not ready for that yet. This is the side of the family that does not believe in grieving too long. I know they love me but I can tell they just want to have fun and enjoy the day. I know I would have to pretend to laugh at their jokes and act all happy but I decided that I cant do that. And they deserve to have their good times so my not going is a win-win for all of us. I did go visit my grandchildren the day after Thanksgiving and that was nice. They are still young so they love to hug and kiss grandma which is what I needed. I don't know what the coming days will hold. I just take it one day at a time. Thank you guys for just being here and being supportive. Make the best out of each day!

Comment by Bonnie on November 23, 2018 at 11:08am

Thanks, Cee. I know that many of you face the same sadnesses I have been having.  I try most of the time not to give in to it, but sometimes I just need to say it, own it, admit it.  I also know that we will always have to deal with the hole left in our hearts and lives, even if we sucessfully go on and find new paths.  I haven’t been able to do that yet but I appreciate it when I read here of those who have.  And while I don’t really believe that misery loves company, it does help to know that I am not alone in my feelings.  I have lost several other close friends this year, one of the ones my husband and I shared time with every year, travelling together and meeting regularly.  That hit really hard as it meant burying a part of my life with my husband all over again.  I think it is the combination of missing the person who was so much a part of me in an achingly difficult way but also having to bury our lives together over and over in small ways.  This was a big one though.  I am indulging in my frustration and irritation and letting myself say, “I HATE the holidays!” But tomorrow or maybe even later today I will fluff up my tutu and carry on dancing, even if slower than usual.  Thanks for the supportive words.

Comment by Cee on November 23, 2018 at 10:46am

OKB - that was a different meal, it sounds good. -- I'm sure you removed all the calories from it. :) 

Comment by Cee on November 23, 2018 at 10:45am

Bonnie, you definitely are not alone, we are all living the same lives.  I had dinner with three other people - non relative. It was nice to be with people but missed being with family - especially my special person.  I came home watched a Christmas movie - wish they would make one that didn't have that passionate kiss at the end. I usually change the channel about that time, just too hard to watch.



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