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Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

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Born in the 40s or Earlier

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Born in the 40s or Earlier

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Members: 220
Latest Activity: on Sunday

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Comment by Jim on Sunday

Hi Laurajay.  The Median age of most people here is 90,  This means that half the population here is over 90 yrs, and half is under 90.  There are lots of old people her; many use walkers to get around.  Am considered to be young at 83.  When I first arrived one of our Shuttle Drivers asked me what I  am doing here?  He told me he didn’t think I belong. So this is my story about new people in my life. 

I took your advice that I may have better luck if I explored other avenues for feminine companionship.   Alexandra  said almost the same thing when she was here.  She told me about MEETUP,  an organization to enable new comers to socialize and meet strangers in Ft. Collins.  I signed up for a Saturday workshop.  We all gave Self introductions, and at the end of the session, this woman came up to me, gave me her email and phone number and told me she’s like to have coffee with me!  Just like that.  I sent her an email and learned she was curious about my introduction, decided to reach out to me.  I accepted her explanation and since then have seen her three times,  She’s in her mid-50s, and she is slim and trim. 

 I mentioned in a previous WV commentary about meeting Mary,   She is about my age and I admired  her for her optimism and cheerful attitude on the future.  Her spouse died almost at the same time as Mabel.  She understands my loss and invites me to attend events with her.  It helps to take my mind off my grief.  Your phrase on slim and trim skinny women who workout  is amusing.  Mabel was always slim and trim   I’m not lonely here, though am still searching for intimacy.  Am aware I will never find another Mabel in this life.  

I do have regular breakfasts here with three fellas.  One of them is a retired chairman of the CSU (Colorado State) Physics Department. He is in his 80s; has all his marbles and enjoys talking with me about our favorite topics.  He and I are both eager learners, so there is much to talk about.  One of the men is a retired Engineer who has worked in the Middle East.  He doesn’t say much. The third fella is  a Hispanic WWII veteran, and loves to talk.  He is on the same bowling team with me, so we know one another well.   There are a lot of retired educators and former teachers here,  One such gal is a woman who was at Teachers College in NYC at the same time when I was there.  We both majored in the same department, got the same Advisor, sat in the same classes at the same time and never knew one another until we came here to the Worthington!   Small world.  

 

Comment by laurajay on Saturday

Jim~   I think you mentioned  most of the  folks  there are older than you so I am  assuming  90's  or late 80's  and it seems   remarkable  that  they have all lived  beyond  life expectancy  age!    I think  at a certain age  it must become  tedious  and difficult  to maintain  "appearances" in a physical  sense.  I applaud  anyone so old  who is still trying!  Maybe  you would have  better luck if you explored  another avenue  to meet a female companion  who is slim and trim.  How about  a gym  or  health food store-skinny  women  work out and shop organic  often...  or a church  group or hospice volunteer?   I don't  think there is  a "sexless" age!!!!!   Only an age  without  sex.  Say no more.  Can of worms.

Don.  Perhaps  it would  temper  your   search  for remarriage  if you  tried  a reconciliation with your children you are estranged from...a re connection to family  as a means  to having love in your life?  I can't imagine  life without the love  of my child/grandchildren.  They keep me from" going to seed."  sorry that  expression made me chuckle when Jim used it. 

Expression that comes  to my mind is  "old geezer" .At online  dating  there are plenty  of those...often  tattooed with motor  cycles, muscle  shirts,  mile long  bucket lists (what did they do  the first  60 yrs?)  and  seedy  lewd expectations.  No  thank  you!   Gentlemen  only welcome.   Case closed.

Moving on  is moving forward....each in their own way.  I move forward   but  the wagon  that I bring  along with me is  no burden....it's  filled  with   thousands  of  bright memorable   moments  I can think on anytime I choose to.   It  overflows yet never empties~  because  of the nurture  my long marriage provided for me. It is enough.    Ok,  now and then   that  little dream  of a cabana  boy   invades  my  thoughts  and desires  but  it's  probably  because  I indulged  in some sugary  treat!  LOL    love  your  posts....lj

Comment by Okbobbo on Saturday
Hi Don, I'm in San Diego! Attending Camp Widow. 345 of us! Having a wonderful and warm experience with exceptional people. I'm glad I came. Hope you get your wish.
Comment by Don on Saturday

What a wonderful bunch of comments.   Thank you all ! !     I'd like to have a companion to go to the Coast with and  go to Utah Canyonlands and San Diego.

Comment by Maggie on Saturday
I too have no interest in a new romantic partner...just friends that's it! And so hard to find that in a man. But also I can be content with women friends and the current activities I'm involved with. I'm just too tired for the other and frankly, it's too much trouble and stress for the little reward. And even though my husband was by no means perfect, there was a bond that will last forever and it IS an honor and respect thing. I have found that women can handle, emotionally, being alone better than men and don't have such an intense need as men. I know it has to do with the differences in the sexes in the way our brains work.
And Jim, I live around a lot of older people (older than me even) and I wouldn't say gone to "seed", but more gone to "fat."
Comment by Jim on Saturday


Comment by Jim just now Delete Comment

Hi Don.  I've been reading your comments and am sympathetic and glad to hear you've moved on and have found a companion.  Am pleased to see your children agreeing with you.  Its difficult to meet women my age.  Hate to say this but so many of the women here (mostly widows) have not taken care of themselves, do not seem to care for their appearance, and seem to have "gone to seed."  They all "look alike"...maybe its because I do not belong here (I don't know!).  The children of the grandmothers here are more attractive to me, but they're too young!  That's my dilemma.  Am sure am reflecting a man's point of view.  But there aren't many men on this page.  Have we all reached a "sexless" age already?  The men here in the home  have "gone to seed" as well.  Masculinity seems to have disappeared.  Discussions on the past seem to be a favorite here at the Worthington.  

Generally, I am reluctant to join in with the elderly to talk about my past.  One of my best lady friends here is an inspiration as she has put the past behind and focuses more on her future and getting the most out of it.  I enjoy her company.  We encourage one another to attend various lectures, concerts and movies.  She is good company for me.  She is aware I still weep and grieve periodically, but she helps change my mind quickly and not focus on Mabel.  I am fortunate to have met her.  But that's the extent of our relationship.  In my new environment its easy to fall into a routine, one day looks like another, we forget to check our calendars, life can be boring.  I enjoy reading, pursue my hobbies and check with activities at the Senior Center.  Have not lost interest in women.  Still love my Mabel.  I still miss her.  Yet.  Hope my grieving will fade away.

Comment by Barzan on Saturday

Don, I've been absent from this site for a while but feel your post warrants a response.  My husband has been gone 6 years now.  Several years ago, I tried online dating and it was a disaster.  The men seemed to desire a physical relationship almost immediately after we struck up a conversation.  Heck with getting to know one another.  I realize that we are older and time may be of essence but felt it wasn't for me.  I would love to meet a guy who enjoyed the things I enjoy and was interested in a great friendship which may lead to something more permanent.  I am not looking for marriage.  It would be great to have a great travel, dinner and theatre partner.  Also, I feel I've "moved on" in the sense that I am open to new experiences.

Comment by Faolan on Saturday
Don, just because we are still missing someone whom was such a major part of our lives for half a century or more, does Not necessarily mean we haven't "moved on" in other areas. I have no desire to start over with someone new, I have never had a problem with my own company, and don't need to define myself by taking on someone with infirmities, for future grief. As far as I am concerned, my late husbands boots are too big to fill, and as I've said before, "'til death do us part" is untrue, I still feel very much married to him.
Comment by laurajay on Saturday

Don. I remember   some of your earlier posts and I seem to recall you are  nearly 90 and looking for marriage. I know I mentioned  very honestly  that older women would have little interest in a new permanent relationship and marriage  because  it would mean  sacrifices in  many areas,  and could mean  becoming a  caregiver  and  facing another death  of a spouse in just a few years. Most of us enjoy  company  but do not want  to relocate nor face the obligations and responsibility  of a new marriage at an old age.  I know I have zero   desire  and would not even consider anything  permanent  again with a n old  man.  Friends? Sure  , but  nothing that would drain energy or or require   compromise!   It is not a grief mode.  It is a remembering/honoring  mode.  A long happy marriage  is not something  you ever "get over".    Barbee is an exception and it's right for her and it's working  but it is not for everyone.  I seriously  doubt  many women  with deep committed long  marriages  would be interested  in marrying again or getting serious  with a man up in his years after they have lost their  beloved spouses.  As  Barbee  said- this is not a dating site.  At 90  I don't have  any added suggestions for you  but to try  enjoying  more casual relationships with the women you meet  and drop the  "to the end"  aspect of your desires~ not  realistic  from the woman's  viewpoint.  There  is still as lot of living  to do without re marriage  or serious commitment~keep going for it!   I think if  you try to see the other side of your kind of thinking  you will understand   better.  I wish you well.  Unrealistic  expectations  can cause  unnecessary  strife...Look at the big  picture.  Be happy with it in present time.

Comment by barbee on Saturday

Don, at 74 I did move along, finding a wonderful companion. We both are widowed and had almost 50 years with our mates. Neither of us wants to marry (for financial and legal reasons) but that does not lessen what we have. We live 35 miles apart and take turns staying at one another's homes. We've been together for over two years now. We travel together (took a six month trip across the country and are planning another one). It's not right for many widowed people, but our children and grandchildren are all delighted we have companionship and love again and it is very right for us. If you want to find someone, keep looking. WV is not a dating site, so you probably will not find someone here, although there have been exceptions.

 

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