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Born in the 40s or Earlier


Born in the 40s or Earlier

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Members: 203
Latest Activity: yesterday

Comment Wall


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Comment by Lex yesterday

I too am alone with no children & estranged from my two younger step sisters for 30+ years. I do have several friends of varying closeness however doesn't  and never will  be best friends like my husband and me were. I miss having my Randy loving me with heart and soul. I'm  six years out and did the volunteer thing for five years  (hospice and local animal shelter) and recently stopped. Looking for a change. I've done various meet up groups which I didn't  seem to connect with. I do lots of reading and visit library and book store often. I did get back into riding motorcycle (use to in early 70's) and ride with a nice group and many times by myself.  Maggie, my feelings about this loneliness are similar to your's. Sometimes I could go for days without talking to anyone, so I go out to breakfast  just about every day to get my day started with human contact. I do have moments of fun and happiness, however, this grief is a part of me just as the love for my sweet husband will always be a part of me - it's  who I am and that will never change. I wish I had the answers to finding peace and contentment. I'll  not give up on hope and have much gratitude that I had a good loving man in my life for 31+ years. 

Comment by barbee yesterday

After 3 1/2 years I still miss my husband. I suspect that always will be the case since we were married over 48 years. Even now, in a new relationship with a wonderfully caring man, the loneliness doesn't totally go away. Today it is cold and pouring rain and gloomy outside and I am so longing to crawl back to bed and hibernate. That is definitely not good. So, I get dressed, put in a load of laundry, eat breakfast, and force myself to get busy. It seems like a full-time job re-imagining what the rest of my life should be/could be. Most of life is happy, but that lonely spot never seems to go away. My guy is widowed also and he says it is the same for him.

Recently I read that more elderly die from loneliness than anything else. Whoa! Gotta kick butt and mix it up and fill the hours with people and activities that do interest me and relax me and make me feel worthwhile. Some days, like maybe today, it might mean crawling into the recliner and reading a book for hours on end while waiting for the rain to stop. Not every day needs to be rushing about. If I can't be happy just being with me, how can I expect others to be happy around me? "Happiness is an inside job", right?

Sorry if I'm rambling here. I have "some-timers". Some times I remember and some times I don't. Some times I have energy and some times I don't. Some times I make sense and some times I don't. LOL

Comment by Barzan yesterday

Maggie and Hope,  I too was in the same boat for the 1st 2 years after my husband passed.  I have female friends that were around even when my husband was alive but I kept turning down invitations to do things with them because I missed him so much.  I spent my days alone with no desire to do any of the things I loved doing in the past.  I isolated myself and just couldn't seem to move myself out of the house.  One day, I was just sitting at my table drinking my coffee and thinking about my life.  The revelation that came to me is when they punish the worst felons, they put them in solitary confinement.  I had been punishing myself for something I had no control over.  Humans are social animals and I forced myself to not turn down any invitations. 

Perhaps taking baby steps no matter now hard they are will help you as well.  Not having a hobby can lead you into experimenting with different things.  I know my husband would want me to go on living the best life I can live. 

You are both In my thoughts and I hope you can find your joy.  I work at it every day.

Comment by Maggie yesterday
Hope...I feel so much like you do. This loneliness is the most difficult thing I've ever had to deal with and you can feel it, even with people. I too am not looking for a partner. Two things about that...finding a partner and new friends are similar in difficulty. There is not the time we had when we were young to form a long history and also knowing people who knew our spouse or a new partner who wouldnt know any of our friends or family from our past. It just isn't the same. Coming to grips with that is so difficult. When I think of how the remainder of my life will probably be, I can almost feel panicky and I have the added stress of no children and only one brother left who is older. As to doing things, I recently forced myself to volunteer two days at our local hospital and I go to a meeting of sorts once a week where a mixed group discusses aging and community needs. I may still do another volunteer day of something else. I'm just now venturing into all this and it's been three years plus. I have a few acquaintances here ( I just moved) and one closer friend, but they all have partners. I'm in Fla., so you'd think I'd run into plenty of widows, but I haven't. I even thought to repeat a griefshare program, but I'm not really religious and that is their focus, so I dont know. I'm constantly searching for things to do to occupy my mind and keep me from falling into depression. I don't do any crafts...wish I had talent.i go out to lunch often even if I have to go alone. We have a good library that offers almost daily things, but it's the motivation to go. There is a senior center, but I don't feel I'm ready for that yet. I'm 69 almost 70. I do wish there was a college for seniors like there is in some larger cities, but there isn't. And in the end, all of it is an attempt to make friends and connect, as I am an extrovert and to just keep busy. The honest truth is that, for me, it still lacks any joy. My life lacks joy. Just a daily struggle to keep going and sometimes I don't know why....hope, I guess.
Comment by Hope yesterday

Wondering since we are older what you do to combat loneliness. I am not interested in a partner. I am in a book club, meetup and volunteer but its those other long hours at home. I know some of that will never leave since there is that empty place where my husband used to be. Just looking for ideas.

Comment by elaine on October 15, 2016 at 6:29pm

Thanks, LJ.  Good to hear.  Send him my best.

Comment by laurajay on October 15, 2016 at 5:54pm

Hi everyone.  Just a quick note to let those of you who   care that Jim is fine.  He will email once his  computer is set up.  He is right now staying with his oldest son.  Apt should be ready soon for him to move in.  Unpacking   etc.   lj

Comment by HeartsForever on October 15, 2016 at 4:03pm

Cee.....I'll respond to your comment because I think you were referring to my post about my move and fall.  At least I'm hoping that HOPE also didn't fall....I wouldn't wish this on anyone.  It's been a week since it happened and I still have a hugh round yetllow spot on my forehead and yellow circles under the eyes.  I have taken my time on working on the boxes from the move.  I was so excited to finally get that past me.  It was such a long time coming, 2 yrs of decluttering and 6 months of looking for a place, selling my home, packing etc.   Then four days in I'm off my feet more or less. 

I really don't know what I would have done without my sister here, I guess relied on a couple of good friends and their husbands.  They came to the hospital and one of them also took me to dr. yesterday for recheck.  I hardely ever ask for anythingfrom them, I would rather pay a handyman than inconvenience any of them. 

You asked if it is easier to care for this house and  I can joyfully say yes.  it's about 1/3 of the amount of finished house I had before. I'm also in an association so minimal yard work and no shoveling.  I seem to have plenty of room after giving away or selling a lot of things.   I should have done more though, and will so I have less stored in the garage.  I have no basement.

Once the decision was made to move I never looked back.  I am 67 and when I cant travel to see my son and family I will move closer to him.  That will be a difficult move, leaving friends of 40 yrs or more.  I also won't be able to afford this nice a place as he lives in an expensive area outside of DC.

Hope you all are having a good weekend.  Blessings to all. 

Comment by Faolan on October 15, 2016 at 1:06pm
Hope, the universe certainly will!, even if it does take it's time.
Comment by Hope on October 15, 2016 at 12:36pm

Thanks for all your warm comments about the move. I have to admit I am realizing I took on a  lot at 15 months. The packing is tiring and sometimes emotional. I have not signed the lease yet as there are some heating issues I want fixed before I sign but I hope to God I they resolve that next week. . In the meantime, the buyers of my home want to get in as soon as possible. I decided I have to take care of myself first and may move the date out a little to give me more time. Instead of Nov.. 15 before Thanksgiving I think I am going to say December 1. That should help me with the transition. I want this move.. Its the waiting and the transition part that is painful. I wish I could wave a magic wand and just be in there. I also find myself thinking of what we would have been doing now instead of what I feel I have to do for my sanity. I am trying not to look back at what can't be but sometimes that's hard. I relate to so many of  your comments about finding friends when older. I also couldn't find it in myself to do the senior center thing. Just didn't feel it. I am going back to school which is fun and I am in a book club. Small things and outings help. I have family nearby but often they are busy with their own lives and their own drama! Anyway, thanks for your encouragement. One of the things I plan to do when I am in is to organize a lifetime of pictures. I am also writing a lot about our life together for the ancestors to know there was a perfect love! I just keep saying that the universe will bring me what I need.


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