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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

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Born in the 40s or Earlier

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Born in the 40s or Earlier

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Members: 200
Latest Activity: 4 hours ago

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Comment by elaine 4 hours ago

Faolan, I am originally from England, came to Vancouver in 1971.  Went back every year to visit my parents and still have friends there that I visit.  Hope, like you, I am wishing for contentment which seems elusive sometimes, but I know it will come in time.  Elaine D.

Comment by Hope 5 hours ago

I am 69 and in fairly good health although this past year the stress and shock of losing  my husband within minutes has take a toll on my nervous system and I experience anxiety in my body but it seems to be getting better. I miss Ken dearly. Its been a little over a year. I though past the year mark I would somehow magically feel better but that was a fantasy. I look to the good in every day and I know this too shall pass and yet what I struggle with most now is learning hour to navigate living alone. I have no desire to meet anyone. What I want to do is find my place in life and feel a sense of connectedness to life that was lost for a long time when Ken died. I know he is doing just fine on his journey. I am praying that a path will come to me that provides a sense of contentment. I will always miss him but also cherish the 35 years we had. They were wonderful.

Comment by Faolan 6 hours ago
Elaine, I used Nytol for a while, it's over the counter and non addictive. Fortunately I wasn't left with a great deal to sort out, but whilst the sorting out lasted, it kept my mind occupied and I had to hold it together. We exhibited our dogs and took part in Obedience, agility etc, not just breeding, and travelled all over the UK, and those memories are bitter sweet, when I judged he was my steward and vice versa. Then I became disabled, our beloved dogs died, and circumstances demanded a smaller, more manageable home, and we ended up with my daft, lovable parrot for company. These three years have flown past for me,
Comment by elaine 6 hours ago

Faolan, like you I feel sad when I think of all we did and the reality that we won't be doing those things again; however, I try  to turn them into happy memories and be grateful that we had that opportunity.  We travelled quite a lot and I can't imagine going to those same places again; hope I get over this as it will restrict my travelling for sure.  Although it's been 3 years for me, I still feel tired and weak sometimes, and I still have so much to clear up here.  Have tried to get into different activities, but haven't found my passion yet.  Now I am going to listen to my body and rest when I feel the need instead of rushing around.  Also, seem to have trouble sleeping which doesn't help.  Elaine D.

Comment by Alexandra 8 hours ago

Hi All, Foalan, you are right, the adult in me knows that I would not want Dave to suffer any more than he did. But the child in me wants him here, making me feel safe again, like he always did. So I vacillate between those two feelings. At least I understand the difference:) My Dave was 88 and I am 73, so you are right Bonnie, you cannot live forever. Dave was ready and I was adult enough to respect that and never begged him to stay. But oh, how I have grieved and yearned for him since. I'm glad he doesn't have to see me now.

Comment by Faolan 8 hours ago
Maggie, personally, I will never remarry, but young widows who may still want commitment and babies still have that option, I knew many years ago, that if I were widowed, remarriage would not be an option for me. I only feel at my saddest when I remember the things we did together, which I will never do again, circumstances changed, the future is something still open to me, come what may. I never consciously think about ageing, Im a bit like Scarlett O' Hara in some ways "I won't think of that now, I'll think of it tomorrow", I tend to avoid negative thoughts, I used to tell my husband "don't sweat the small stuff" and there are much bigger better things to contemplate than ageing, my favourite poem is one by Jenny Joseph, entitled "When I am Old",
Comment by sweetlady 9 hours ago

hi my name is elaine i was born june 25 , 1945 and now71 dont feel it,  and my healthy and mental faculties are good i am awidownow 16 yrs.unbelievable.  he diedibnisrael  jan 2000  nightmare.  i have some problems with my sons they dont get long and older married one who is 43 who is religious and has 5 chilrten is very inconsiderate  and thoughtless and i do the it too heart but i go one only i have to learn contentment and to feel good about myself and no t be angry with myself.  i still work, drive a car and have a dog u would think that would give me hope and confidence but not so i t bothers me ab out my sons and other things i am not ready to pack it in so i should try harder right?elainbe

Comment by Bonnie 9 hours ago
Thanks to Laurajay for starting this very interesting discussion. I have found all of your answers so thoughtful and thought provoking. It is reassuring to me to read that so many others feel much as I do and I am especially sympathetic to the younger members of this group who have had to deal with the really staggering grief of losing a spouse. I think that is the great age-leveller, in that we all have to face a mighty struggle which may differ slightly in kind but not in degree. I am 79 now. Tomorrow is the second anniversary of my husband's death. He was nearly 90, I was 77. I never felt old until after he died, but I have been very aware of age and aging since. I suppose it has been a little easier for me in recognizing that at 90 he could not have gone on forever, and I know would not have wanted to. Despite heart disease and dementia after a stroke five years before he died, he continued to be vital and loving and supportive of me right down to the end. The last two years have been very hard, but at least I don't have to feel cheated in any way as someone whose spouse died at a much younger age. But then as Laurajay has pointed out, at 79 I am having to reconcile with the fact that there are so many things I can no longer do. 66-67 is still young enough to have many years of a fully engaged life, and I am grateful for the years I have had since then. For those of you who are still in the early stages of dealing with loss, I can assure you that although you may not think so yet, time does ease the worst of it. But the void will still always be there, at least for me. I applaud those of you who have been able to move on into new relationships and new activities. I know that we all need to be grateful that we are still alive, and still able to make choices about our individual journeys.
Comment by Faolan 11 hours ago
Alexandra, you remind me of myself three years ago, but then I told myself, "how can I wish him back in the condition he was in?", which helped, the nursing home staff had photographed him just the day before he died, and I had a copy, my daughter refuses to look at it, but I do when I start being wistful about wanting him back. It doesn't happen often these days, and yes, it will get easier, I found that so hard to believe and accept, but time doesn't stay still, and neither do we.
Comment by Maggie 12 hours ago
Faolan..my Mom was 78 and my MIL was 75....me 66. Yes I feel cheated for sure, but even a 90 year old would cheated when you see people both living to 100. It's all relative, I agree. Also younger widows have a real chance at another marriage of many years, but as we age, that chance gets less and less.
 

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