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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

Born in the 40s or Earlier

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Born in the 40s or Earlier

Groups are a place to connect with others you have something in common with. Please get acquainted here and make friends anywhere on the site.

Check the 'Help' tab for more guidance or send questions to widville@gmail.com.

Members: 210
Latest Activity: 51 minutes ago

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Comment by Jan L. 51 minutes ago

As this is my first posting I will not got into all the dreadful things that happened around the passing of my husband on Oct.2 of this year. He was everything to me, my best friend,he knew more about me than any other person on this Planet and I adored him. When a person says that he or she was the one great love of their life I know exactly what that means because he was the love of my life. We had only 11 years together but they were the best years of my life and they were never enough. Every hour of my day I think of Don. How can I exist without him by my side.  I know I don't want to die, but I miss him so much. We didn't have a tv so a good part of our day was spent talking with each other, reading books together, preparing food together and doing things for each other.

In June of last year during a routine lab test it showed that there were cancer cells in his urine. I won't go into all the delays he encountered right now but after seeing the urologist Don was diagnosed with Prostrate and Bladder Cancer and on January 19, 2016 he had both removed.  As Grandma H said, I felt honoured to be his care giver, it was an act of love that I wish I was able to continue to do now but on Sept 8 this year we learned that his cancer had spread and on the 2sd of Oct. he was gone. We thought that we had more time but we didn't. I can't believe that he's gone but he is and here I am. God I hate being without him!

This is the second time for me losing a husband but even though I had been married for 42 years before I wasn't in love with my first husband when he died. I looked after him for 2 and 1/2 years and I loved him like a brother but I wasn't in love with him so this dreadful grief that I feel now is new to me. 

So I'm trying to do everything I can, I'm finally able to get counselling at Hospice and I'm going to go to a support group but I come to this site and read the posts and I know there are wonderful people here who feel just as I do. Thank you for your kindness, I know this is where I should be, where I need to be. 

Jan

Comment by Barzan 2 hours ago

GrandmaH, I am terribly sorry to hear of your husband passing.  I hope you can find some comfort here in our group.  We try to lift each other as best we can and are always here to listen.  Grieving is a very personal and unchartered road for all of us. 

As others have suggested, please find a support group to help with this horribly painful road you are on.  I, too, lost my husband to pancreatic cancer and he was gone a month after diagnosis at age 63.  My thoughts are with you.

Comment by Okbobbo 2 hours ago
GrammaH. I, too, was married for 56 years, my one and only true love. Support groups saved my life. Without them I was descending further and further into my grief. Even though I had family and friends helping me I needed to be with people who truly understand what our loneliness feels like, along with knowing the fear and anger and all the many emotions that tear at our soul. This forum is truly a blessing.

Even after two and a half years, I continue to participate in three support groups, and joined the Bereavement team at my parish to assist others beginning their journey. Each day is a challenge. I can't imagine I will ever get over losing her. But, in helping others, I can use what she taught me and what we learned together and that gives me purpose and comfort and reassurance that someday we will be reunited. I wish you peace and that God keeps you safe.
Comment by californiajazzy 2 hours ago
GrandmaH I am sorry for you devasting loss. I also lost my husband to PC. I was lucky that I was in a care givers group where my husband was getting his chemo. I immediately went into the grief group because I was alone in a city with no family. I do recommend it but I think they suggest to wait a bit. ( being raw etc) I then moved to my home city and still in need of support called Hospice and joined a group who all had lost their spouses about the same time. Hopefully you have a contact that can lead you to the support you need. Be kind to yourself and take care of your health physically and emotionally.
Comment by GrandmaH 2 hours ago

Thank you for your reply.  I relive his last 4-5 days on a daily basis and actually miss the doctor appointments and the medical care team that helped him live with purpose as long as he could.  Now, there isn't anything much to do and no one to care for.  4 weeks and counting.....  

Comment by Faolan 3 hours ago
I am so very sorry for your loss, I went through the same for 18 months, except it was gullet cancer. No, we aren't great on support groups here in the UK, there is Cruse, but to be honest, I'm a bit too private, and prefer groups like this. You are still very early on, and the season must make it harder for you too, everyone here are here for each other, not just themselves, I hope this forum will give you the support and comfort you need, whenever you need it, Be Blessed
Comment by GrandmaH 3 hours ago

My husband died of pancreatic cancer after 14 months of chemo, infections, biliary catheter and experiencing fevers and chills often.  He passed 4 weeks ago and I am still numb.  I am 76 years of age and we were married for 56 years (57 years at the end of Jan).  I do not recognize a life without him.  He was my rock and I was his caregiver for those 14 months-honored to be able to help him on his journey, but dreading the outcome.  

I am wondering if many of you had grief support groups to help you through the grief process?  I feel empty.

Comment by barbee on Tuesday

Alexandra, hurray for you! Traveling to and in Alaska alone is far more courageous than anything I would attempt. Good luck! Are you going in your RV? 

Comment by Alexandra on Tuesday

Barbee, I'll have to bypass Albuquerque this year, hopefully I'm headed for Alaska for the summer! Wish me luck that it will all turn out right...

Comment by Alexandra on Tuesday

Faolan, you are always insightful and kind, I did not take offense. Frank, your Susan sounds like she was a remarkable person! How blessed you were to be together and share your life. My independence is kicking in again but I try not to feel too smug when I pull off a good maneuver:) Always remembering I am only one mistake away from disaster:) BTW, the travel trailer doesn't have an engine, but dang, I'll never understand the electrical system!

I will find a way to keep moving. I will be in Texas for a couple of months for sure and in that time it will all get figured out. Thanks for listening, just being able to talk about all this helps me.

 

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