Widowed Village

A community of peers created by the Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation

Born in the 40s or earlier

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Born in the 40s or earlier

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Members: 143
Latest Activity: yesterday

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Comment by Ellery yesterday

Beautiful post, laurajay.  

Comment by laurajay yesterday

We had our first non-conventional  Thanksgiving dinner tonight and it went beautifully.  I did not realize that I really attached dread to the  dates on the calendar as much as I did!   My three grands were polite and loving and funny.  my daughter and son in law  congenial .  I had requested the change to get away from the horrible way every holiday finds me and for whatever reason it worked.  No tears   No drama.  The kids by choice did spontaneous grace before we ate and we had an old fashioned Polish menu of foods I grew up on- and I felt nurtured somehow.  Maybe it was the changes?  I know in the deep of the night my hunger for my husband of 44 yrs will set in- that's Ok tonight we all felt his presence and we are making do...tomorrow will take care of itself.  It does work to stay busy- I actually am very sore but enjoyed cooking-  Considering some days I don't even want to start the day-  this was a welcome feeling.Been soooooo long since anything felt like it was enough-  tonight was- I pray everyone gets at least a short breakthrough tomorrow...counting blessings might seem like no big thing  but it really is for when we acknowledge the good in our lives,  I think God becomes more aware that we are ready to receive more.  Just a notion not sound theology.  Be blessed dear senior friends.  Be grateful we have lived long enough to understand and have compassion for one another.  I ask God to cover you with his love this Thanksgiving as you remember your beloved spouse.

Comment by Ellery yesterday

Maggie, tonight, I'm thinking about being the lone widow tomorrow in the midst of happy couples. From reading here, though, I will remember I'm not the only one.

We can do this.

Comment by Maggie yesterday
I second MFarm's idea of Jan. I ready for Jan 2. I certainly don't enjoy holidays like I did before. And Ellery, I'm alway so amazed at the ups and downs I have. I've been up at my brothers for a few days, so I'm up because I'm with loved ones, but when I have to return home in a few days to a lonely empty house, I'll be down again. My attitude can change in a heartbeat it seems sometimes. I wish everyone the strength to make it through tomorrow with good memories and know were all experiencing some of the same feelings. A peaceful day to all.
Comment by Ellery yesterday

Lady v, grief recovery doesn't appear to be linear. We're okay one day or one hour or one minute, then a wreck the next. In the best of times, which these aren't, holidays are emotional triggers.  MFARM has the right idea.  Come on January!

Comment by Lady v yesterday

MFArm, thank you.  I just drank warm milk with honey and am reciting the things for which I am grateful.

connection helps!

Comment by MFARM yesterday

 Lady v ,I'm so sorry for your bad night. I hope they get better. We certainly  need our sleep when dealing with all this. Trudging through these holidqys is hard. I 've had several since my husband of almost 54 yrs died June 22, 2012. Looking forward to old dull Jan. I guess

Comment by Lady v yesterday

thank you, Katpilot. The loss is so profound. It helps to share this journey with our community of love and loss. Thank you!

Comment by katpilot yesterday

Lady v I know how hard this first Thanksgiving must be for you. It was always going to be a sad time. I hope you can find some moments of happiness with your grandchildren and yes I think we all understand what it is to miss them, especially during the holidays. I think perhaps it's because some of the best memories came from those holidays and our hearts want to remember those times. With them of course comes the realization that now they are gone and I think that is why we hurt so much.  Best thoughts and a hug for you.

Comment by Lady v yesterday

MFARM.  your words are helpful.  I had been "doing well", calmer, spending some good time with my grandchildren, actually sleeping through the night at their home. Today I came  to my home, had a good day at work, and then had trouble falling asleep. Awakened at 3 with a burst of grief, giant tears of a broken heart.  My beloved is gone forever. He asked of me that I be  grateful for all the joy we shared in 21 years of wonderful love and romance. I am grateful and I am broken.  I am resilient and I am devastated. It is eight months and this is my first Thanksgiving without him.  I was thinking I was dong okay but I deceive myself. the grief jumps up when least expected and brings me to my knees.  It is eight months and I miss him so much.

 

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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

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