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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

Born in the 40s or Earlier

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Born in the 40s or Earlier

Groups are a place to connect with others you have something in common with. Please get acquainted here and make friends anywhere on the site.

Check the 'Help' tab for more guidance or send questions to widville@gmail.com.

Members: 190
Latest Activity: 3 hours ago

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You need to be a member of Born in the 40s or Earlier to add comments!

Comment by laurajay 3 hours ago

James.  A few words about chat room.  First of all several things to note.  Anyone who signs in WV to comment gets their name on the members online list even if they never go to chat!  Some go to lurk and not post but many are online reading or posting only.  I used to go to chat couple of years ago but group dynamics are always changing and people come and go randomly so if you see a list of several names  they may or may not be in chat. Secondly,  many here are not into social media and do not frequent facebook or chat rooms.  Some ( myself included) never visited any chat room before coming here. There are no posted rules as is here for everyone to come and go as needed.   Thirdly, at any given time  there might be only one or two or three carrying on( unrelated to grief) conversations   amongst themselves and they are unaware someone new has joined them.  I scrolled back through yesterday's chat and I see where you posted and received no response and that is unfortunate no one there even said "Hi".  I'm sorry they were not there to answer you.  The most responsive time/people seem to visit early evenings  EST between 7-10pm.   A few also chat in mornings between 9 and  noon.   One of our most compassionate and helpful   members who frequented evening chat  and often brought sense and balance to the chat room  died unexpectedly couple months back. He is sorely missed.  Fred surely would have replied to you.  I would not judge the people who ignored you too harshly.  I do not believe it was anything but an ungracious oversight.  The range of people here spans age and  education and social awareness and common courtesy.  But all are suffering.  All know grief.  All have the need to be listened to and accepted.  Chat room is sometimes helpful and life saving  other times a free for all with humor and nonsense to help give a moment of comic relief.    Visit again---different people react differently.  If they ignored you ---it is their loss.  .  Oh yes, one more thing...sometimes a name will appear for days on end  because not everyone signs in and out.   Some breeze in and out with no accounting.    Sorry you were slighted.  If you want ideas on surviving anniversaries, birthdays   etc.  try doing a search with those words up in the right-hand corner  box and it will take you to comments people have left in the past on those topics.                           lj

Comment by Don 5 hours ago

Well Jim;  I will think of you on March 3d while attending a special dinner for Old Timers at the Elk's Club.

Been an Elk for 55 years.    My  first lodge was in Elkhorn , Wis.  Now it's #1073 in Redding, CA

(Please, no jokes about horns)

Comment by joan1944 22 hours ago
Yes, cooking for one sucks, but I'm forcing myself to eat more homecooked food, take out and resturant food is too high sodium, and I'm having enough trouble keeping my blood pressure down. Sometimes when I cook too much, which I almost always do, I give some to the neighbors, they seem to like that. Soups, chili, beans, stews, can be frozen easily, so I tend to make a lot of those.
Comment by Jim 23 hours ago

Thanks, Joan1944 for replying.  Appreciate that very much.  I posed the same questions on the Chat Line and people ignored the questions.  There was a dominant group that monopolized the conversations with their own concerns and acted like I wasn't there!  Thought that was interesting.  You posed a nice alternative to going out to a restaurant...am glad to see that.  I lost interest in cooking since my wife died.  I use to cook for her and she loved what I made, but my grief is not helping...

Comment by joan1944 yesterday
Jim, my husband Bob and I usually d u do what you and Mabel did, go out to dinner. This last Nov 4, on what would have been Bob's 74 birthday, I was just short of 6 months out, and couldn't bring myself to go out, so I cooked one of his favirile meals. I made a Pennsylvania boiled pot pie, had lots of leftovers, so I froze it in single serving portions, and have been eating one here and there. Think I have one left.
Comment by Jim yesterday

Last night, I watched a program on the "OJ Simpson" Story...while watching the show a thought popped up on me, viz., On March 3rd, Mabel  would be 82 years old.  Her birthday.  She always made a big deal on birthdays.  She use to send out cards to ALL her siblings on their birthdays.  We would make a special effort to go out and eat at a fine restaurant somewhere...We did this religiously.  I started to cry at that thought.  Guess I am still in Grief Mode!  Where will I go to celebrate her birthday?   By myself???  How do it by myself without her?  ......  These are silly questions, but it was a ritual we followed for 58 plus years.  And now I don't know what to do without her!  I surprised myself by responding in this way... each time...a painful thought to think of her as not being with me anymore.  How did you handle these questions?

Comment by elaine yesterday

Don, how lovely, and you were so considerate.  Cliff was the same, he would always call if he was going to be late home.   Elaine.

Comment by Don yesterday

only1sue;

If you travel to the USA please be sure to include a visit to Redding, CA.    I'll cook for  you some prawns in a lemon butter sauce with salad and hot French rolls.   Maybe take you kayaking too.   I have 3 of them.

Comment by Don yesterday

Elaine; that's kind of like we were.   We had each other and didn't really need a lot of friends.   In fact, I would rather do virtually anything with Maxine, be it fishing, hunting, hiking ,    I used to know a lot of guys  but enjoyed being with Max more than anyone else.    We were independent too.  She golfed without me  and I Volunteered and shot Trap; without her.    The only reason I ever bought a cell phone was to be able to call her from the lake and tell her i was through fishing so she could time our evening meal without having to keep warming it up.   

Comment by elaine yesterday

Don, I think that is my problem.  My husband, the Saint, took care of me.  He loved to cook and I was spoiled, but I shopped, did the dishes and cleared up, so it wasn't all one-sided.   Now I am on my own I find preparing meals quite a chore.  We met in our mid-thirties, had no children, so we were very much together, although I did go out my friends occasionally and he didn't mind that.  We were quite independent of one another or so I thought, now I realize I was more dependent on him than I ever realized.  He always said he didn't need friends, he had me.  Elaine.

 

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