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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

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Born in the 40s or Earlier

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Born in the 40s or Earlier

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Members: 169
Latest Activity: 18 hours ago

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Comment by thelmaz 18 hours ago

The really painful time will be when I leave the house for the last time.  I am thinking of having my children over the week before for a "say goodbye to our house" brunch.  

Comment by laurajay 19 hours ago

thelmaz  I remember your earlier optimistic posts here and i know you will do fine with your post flood move  etc   .  I will send prayers  for  a  smooth transition.  Such a strong reminder that the things of the world are just that---things of the world.  It is the soul alone that  lives on according to our belief...and therefore the thing we must treasure and nurture.  Sorry for all your loss and that of your neighbors.  It must be painful.

Comment by Maggie 22 hours ago
Thelmaz, I'm so sorry this has happened to you. I see these stories on the news of flooding and fires and I don't believe I could mentally endure it. But you seem strong and I'm sure you'll find a new place and as you said, will have all the memories to take with you.
Comment by thelmaz yesterday

Praised, I'm with you.  After having my house flooded in a storm which involved our entire neighborhood, I am anxious  to get into an apartment.  I am surprised at myself that I have handled the aftermath of the flood pretty well on my own.  (My across-the-street neighbor said our entire subdivision has ptsd).  I will miss my house, where I raised my kids and where my memories of my husband are so strong, but I will take those memories with me, but once I leave, I don't think I'll be able to drive down my street again.  Almost every house in the neighborhood is now a tear-down.

Comment by laurajay yesterday

praised.  God be with you in your decision making and your move...eventually as we get older and older more changes are inevitable !  Without God's guidance,  I know for me,  healing would not be evident at all.

Comment by praised yesterday

Hi, to all on this post  It has been almost a year since I've posted.  I have been attending an excellent grief support meeting once  month and also July 27 marked the second anniversary of my husband's death. This was the second marriage for the both of us and was together 36 years.  I am 75 and have decided I want to move out of my four level home with 27 steps, hating it more and more each day.  Hopefully and prayerfully it is His will that I move into this apartment that is one bedroom and is on one level, and in an elevated building.  

Comment by Callie2 yesterday
Laurajay,
I do understand what you say as my health isn't the best either. However, we can live from day to day with appreciation for the things we've been given and thankful to live for another day. We can plan for our future but we cannot control it.

I did not mean that doing things for ourselves will change our thoughts or feelings. What I did mean is that what I do now is for me. I do not anticipate finding love again, not that I am totally against it, but because I cannot visualize that happening. Our thoughts are precious memories and we can treasure those best years of our lives. This does not mean there are no good ones left, I believe there are.
Comment by Elaine yesterday
Hello everyone,
I've been reading all the comments about our struggles with things that our husbands used to take care of, from the little to the not so little things. Some even physically strenuous everyday tasks now fall to us, and it's true we are not as strong or agile as we once were. At 70 years old, and after 50 years of depending upon my guy to do the "heavy lifting" in almost every sense of the words, it is a whole new experience for me too. However, I am reluctant to complain about this change in any way as I look about me and see my single-all-their-life female friends and realize that they are the same age as me and have been doing these same tasks all their lives, without a word as to how challenging it is for them. And I must remember that for 50 years I had the benefit of help and support in everything. I wonder if during those lovely 50 years I allowed myself to become comfortably dependent and now I find I must toughen up and just do it, without feeling sorry for myself. After all, I don't remember him complaining about the many, many times he had to do it all.
Comment by laurajay on Saturday

Oh Callie.  It's not  just about doing things for ourselves in these senior years.  We had 44 yrs and now 24/7 everything we had together for a lifetime has changed but the responsibilities  one has to take on  are greater and non-stop, the finances are tighter and the aches and pains more frequent. Everything is harder and takes  longer.  And a long, long one time marriage puts a different perspective on the years left.  Acceptance  that we cannot repeat the sweetness of youth nor regain our strength nor abilities is real now.  It's just a different view now---an honest one.  Aging.  Health that no longer is thriving.  We cannot be young again  nor be our "old selves"  but not just in  having our spouses back but in every area where limits stop us because of age.  Those with money and good health and help perhaps see it differently.  Lucky are those few.

Comment by Callie2 on Saturday
I understand just what you are saying. It is like we become different people while we really want to be our old selves again, enjoying the things we once did. I think I am further along than most people here, it has been six years. Slowly, I have begun doing things that make me happy, for me. It isn't easy, but I have begun doing more cooking for myself, even when it involves a little more fuss. I have been doing more clothes shopping, even picked out a pretty dress to wear to a 50th anniversary party for my sister and brother-in-law. Know what? It made me feel good.

My almost ninety year old aunt's first words to me were " well, where is your boyfriend?"
I just looked at her and laughed and said "my what?" Even that did not bother me nor the fact there were many couples and we were there celebrating a long-term marriage. I do believe that in time, we can reach this point. I won't lie though, it was in the back of my head, why couldn't I have had more time with him as I never reached a milestone anniversary-not quite making it to 25. I know I was blessed to have had that long.

Do things for you--treat yourself to a new hairdo or color. These are things that can help us feel good about ourselves and even put us in a better frame of mind. It's the small things that can start us back on a path to living again instead of just surviving. I am still working on this transition!
 

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