Widowed Village

A community of peers created by the Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation

Born in the 40s or earlier

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Born in the 40s or earlier

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Members: 152
Latest Activity: 21 hours ago

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Comment by Callie2 21 hours ago
Cee,
It is a process, isn't it? I find it easier to part with stuff when I go through things several times over a period of a few years. My biggest hurdle is getting better organized so that I can find things. I still have things from both our mothers that I must dispose of and that is hard for me. Not a whole lot as I have been trying to find homes for some of it, but stuff no one else would want. Hard.
Comment by cee 23 hours ago

Patty Sue, Congratulations on looking ahead. I wish you happiness.

Callie2. I am with you on the saving things, Most rooms look neat, but don't open other doors - ie garage, attic, even the basement is over crowded, not on a hoarding level but a lot of stuff I no longer need. Some things are just hard to give up even though I don't need them.  Maybe when the weather warms up I will get more ambition.  Winter can make the best of us hibernate.

Comment by Okbobbo 23 hours ago
After Laura died in July, 2014, it seemed right to pare down the accumulated belongings in our home. After all, the kids would have enough on their hands when my time came. But, when I told them of my intentions they surprised me, saying they prefer everything remain the same as it was because it all was so special to them. Other than straightening out a drawer or closet here and there, nothing has been removed. I love touching her clothes and remembering last seeing her in them. The kids and grand kids help themselves to anything in the house they can use, whether clothing, makeup, small appliances or anything I won't use. Each item is a precious memory of a beautiful life they shared with Laura. So it remains as it always was. I don't have to worry about it. They are willing to take responsibility for it all. They have given me yet another gift. Laura would be so very proud of her family. Peace.
Comment by Callie2 yesterday
OK. After reading your posts, I realize I have been somewhat in denial. There is so much I really need to sort through and throw out! Some stuff his but a lot of it my own. Saving stuff for no other reason except maybe I might need it someday. I am definitely not a hoarder, my stuff is in drawers and closets out of sight, however, it is time to scrutinize and get rid of things I no longer use or need. So, thanks for striking the match you guys. I do have plans on finally cleaning out the garage in the spring. It is time. I have enlisted my granddaughter for help. She needs money to go to a hair show in another week and I made a deal with her so we'll see how that goes. Major job, sigh! Gonna pare down inside till then. Now see what you've started? I cleaned out four small drawers today. I think for me, that's the best way to attack it so I don't lose interest. Eventually, it will get done. (I hope!)
Comment by laurajay yesterday

PattySue...I posted a word of warning this morning...thinking your new  romance  should carry a warning because your friend is "recently widowed"  and not really had sufficient time to grieve  BUT  I rethought it and decided  at 73  you should just go for it!  It would be different at 30 or 40 or 50 or 60  but past 70?  why waste any more time crying or worrying-   follow your heart... let Herb walk beside you in agreement as you find new happiness. Live again...fully...richly and gratefully...it will add years to your life and his and even though  one of you will lose again in time...why not fill a new memory bank in the years God gives you?  Be happy.  Even a mini chance at sweet 16 feelings is worth it...don't just ride the wave...soar through the skies lj.   

Comment by Callie2 yesterday
PattySue,
That is great, how lucky you are! Wishing you happiness always.
Comment by Patty Sue yesterday

Had my first crying fit in 2 years yesterday.  It was a combination of gray, rainy California weather and the realization that I may have found someone I can love again. I decided I am going to ride this wave as it feels like a gift that I am ready for and would be stupid not to accept. I find myself so grateful that my Herb loved me so well that I absorbed what he gave, made it my own, and (terrifying though it is at one level) now feel healed enough to want to jump off the precipice again. He is a friend of ours whom I have known for a long time who also recently lost his wife of many years. I swing back and forth between being 16 and 73, giddy and sure at the same time...and wanting to share this happiness with all my friends in this group who have been walking with me these 3 1/2 years. Thank you for your part in where I am today. 

Comment by laurajay yesterday

oops....posted too quickly....anyway...this group of born in 40's or before has special considerations because of age  and I think we should just be kind to ourselves and try no to judge ourselves as inferior or troubled because we have slowed down.  Every decade in life slows us down and pushes us closer to our end time.  Why not enjoy each day as it comes...look for the beauty, the good things, extend kindness and express gratitude.  It is a relief to read some of you now find energy has waned...we still have a lot of life to live  albeit   more slowly.

Comment by laurajay yesterday

My belief is most of this is due to age.  I am inspired and motivated mentally but my older body does not agree to what my mind thinks...I simply am not as nimble and I have limitations as to how much and for how long I can do things each day.   I find this frustrating.  Before my husband died in March of 2012  we  both felt changes  and limits beginning...gardening became  harder and there were more daily aches and pains.  I'm not into masking things with medications so pain is a part of life.  If I had money  I would be happy to hire some help but that is not a consideration.  I taught school many years and I have made lists since i was a young woman-they help and always have  but now aging is changing things. The burden of grief  adds to this because the person who  cared and shared is gone forever.   I never had to be a caregiver  

Comment by Skeezix yesterday

I used to take care of my wife, run back and forth between doctor appointments, hospitalization, pharmacies, cook the meals, take care of the yard, and still had some spare time.  Now I'm lucky if I can get one bathroom cleaned in a day.  But you're right.  It's all about motivation and energy levels and both of those sank out of sight when my wife died.  When I know I'm just doing it for myself there's no incentive.  Hopefully the motivation returns or my house is going to collapse around me from neglect.  This is what is referred to as "your new life".

 

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