Born in the 40s or earlier

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Comment by only1sue 1 hour ago

I have just blogged about what I call "jagged memories" those meomories that hurt so much.  I am hoping in time that I can recall the happier memories and smile rather than cry when I think of him.

Comment by gracious 7 hours ago

We would have been married 48 yrs.this past Dec.He passed away June 2012.All that you ladies have shared rings a bell with me.11 months have passed and I too am trying to get my life together.Sometimes good,at least most of the time.And then there comes a song,a reading etc.But God is good and is there for me.Some of the blessings that have come my way I know they are from God.

Comment by Marian 9 hours ago

I can relate to all of you.  I never made friends easily but luckily for me at least, we decided about 5 years ago to sell out large home with an acre and a half of ground and buy a smaller one story house in a 55 plus development.  We are considerably older than that but there are people here the same age and we all get along.  Also, the management company cuts the grass and if we have snow in the winter they plow and put down salt.  So now that I am alone I don't have to worry.  That is one of the reasons we decided to move here.  Thinking that no matter which one of us was left alone, he or she would be okay and be able to afford to live here.  I never thought it would be me!!  Even though he had COPD, even when he was put on oxygen 24/7, even when he stopped driving, even when he refused to attend the monthly party here, even when he started sleeping a lot and would not talk to the doctor about it.  This probably was a sign that his body was retaining Carbon Dioxide and that was deadly and would eventually lead to his lungs collapsing and his passing away.  Now I am alone and some days it is okay, but some days it is so hard to wish that I had done more, wishing that I had spoken to him more tenderly, it gets old taking care of someone who doesn't see the other side of the coin when it is depressing for me to know that he doesn't want to go out, etc.  I am working on my life now, I still feel lonely, I still miss  him, I still cry for no reason, like an add on TV, a song, etc. 

Comment by itaintme 12 hours ago

Paulak, you are so right -- grief is not for sissies!

Comment by Paulak 23 hours ago

It was 49 years for us and hes been gone 4..I still say our house, our car etc..I get hit at really odd times...I know hes not coming back..At first I was crazy enough to think if God saw how much I was hurting he would let him come back..(Strange what grief does to your mind)I still look at clothes for him or treats to bring home for him..My dog and I still look for him to come walking thru the front door..We were a couple and partners and best friends and we basically didnt socialize much with others as we became older..Friends divorced or passed away and we just enjoyed each other...Now I am alone and learning to adjust to it...Grief is not for sissies......

Comment by Hatshepsut yesterday

I can certainly relate to the"my/our" dilemma. I slip between those words constantly. "Our home"  sounds so warm. "My home" sounds pretty empty.

I also find myself blindsided by emotions at the most unexpected of times--at the vet, at the credit union, at the park and on and on. I think people get tired of being around someone who so easily dissolves into tears. 

Also, like many of you, I have found that the few friends we had disappeared when it became inconvenient and scary. That loss of friends  is compounded by the fact that I've always  been a loner. We never had a lot of friends.  It was always my husband and me. Now that he is gone, I confess that I'm at a loss on how to fill the void. You can't plug a casual acquaintance into the void left by someone you so profoundly trusted. So...where does that leave me? Sadly, very alone.

Hatshepsut 

Comment by Marian yesterday

we were married almost 53 years so it is hard to say my house instead of our house.  I know that he is not here but it is so hard to talk about that to some people.  I don't mind making my own decisions as I have always done that, always paid the bills, he never wanted to do that ever.  It is just so lonely some days but I try to keep myself busy and try to only have short crying times if that is possible.  Have you donated all his clothes?  I did that but still have a few pairs of shoes.  I bought a new living room couch as the one we had was his, it had a permanent dent where his but was.  I will never forget  him but I must go on with my life.

Comment by only1sue on Tuesday

Marian, I know that feeling well of going into a shop picking up a sweater and just as I am about to pay for itwhen I remember he is gone.  Maybe that is because we shop on automatic so that is one of the places we can be tricked into thinking they are still around.  I often turn to the passenger seat (I had to drive after his 1999 strokes) and go to say something and of course he is not there.

After 44 years of marriage it is hard to be on my own, making decisions about "our" house, "our" family, "our" posessions. I still say "we" instead of I and tell people what happened and then go to say "I will ask Ray about that".  I don't know how long it takes to be comfortable with saying "I, Me and Mine".  It is the little things that trip me up and cause me pain.

Comment by Marian on Tuesday

I understand, even shopping, I will see something that he liked and sometimes I almost reach for it to buy it for him.  I don't of course but why do I think about it.  I am retired and now I live alone, just me and my cat.  He was not in good health for the past 5 years he has been on oxygen 24/7 and that is probably why he passed, he had a high level of carbon dioxide from too much oxygen and not enough exhale.  It is just so hard.  I never thought that I would be a widow, guess that was very immature of me, in fact, I think that he thought I would go first as he was always worried about how to handle some of the things I took care of.  But it was a blessing that he went first as  he would have not dealt well with being alone.

Comment by only1sue on Tuesday

Marian, my husband Ray passed on 19th September 2012 so we are much at the same stage.  I looked after him for 13 years because of strokes, seizures etc.  I wouldn't want him back as his illness debilitated him so but I do so miss him.  I also mourn all the hopes and dreams that died with him.  It is hard to go on alone. Like you little things, surfacing memories suddenly reduce me to tears.

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