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Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

Born in the 40s or Earlier


Born in the 40s or Earlier

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Members: 217
Latest Activity: 18 hours ago

Comment Wall


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Comment by Alexandra 18 hours ago

Hi, I, too, am sending positive and healing thoughts to Joan. I'm sure it will be great to be able to walk and be comfortable again.

I had the good fortune to meet up with Jim! Since he's in Ft. Collins and I was passing through, we met for lunch and may I say, we started talking as if we were old friends! That is the joy and comfort and love of this site. I hope we each get a change to meet one or more of the people who have meant so much to us as we have taken this hard and unwelcome journey.

Just me 2 cents worth, but when Dave died, ALL of his medical equipment and medicines were gone in two days. I wanted none of it near me. Since we live in an rv and traveled full time, neither of us had much. Our treasures were given to our kids years ago to free us. I saved one shirt (a Cape Town, South Africa yacht club shirt which he loved), a pair of socks, his robe is now my robe, and a half used jar of instant coffee (his last thing he could drink, my hands won't let me throw it away). The rest is memories of our wonderful life, which are as clear as crystal. You all know the darkness that I went through in those first months. I am relieved that the worst is over for me. That is not to say I don't hurt at times (this Sunday will be the one year anniversary and I am alone in the wilds of Wyoming), but the gratitude for what he gave me seems to outweigh the sorrow and greed that I wanted and still want more.

Last thing, I am 74. I won't say my health is perfect but I get along. Mostly aches and pains and loss of good balance (I thought I was the only one!). I am thinking of the future when I probably won't be able to do what I'm doing so I feel grateful every day because one day I will dream of these times with fondness and longing, like I do now for my darling husband and the life we had. Sending hugs to you all, this site truly saved my sanity if not my life. ~ Love, Alexandra

Comment by laurajay yesterday

Today~ 25th April  is Joan's  (feelinglonely) scheduled  date for her replacement surgery.  I know some of you want to pray for her or send positive thoughts her way, etc.   Joan~  thinking of you this day and while I cannot be there with you in person  please  remember  you are not alone in spirit~   Many prayers  for you and your medical staff are being offered~  love and healing...lj

Comment by laurajay yesterday

Barbee!  Exactly!  Age  proofing  the place you live is essential! It means you can keep hope alive!   I even have a homemade "kit"  ready in case I cannot get around since no one is here to help me. I am still frightened  here alone because I have experienced  being alone  and sick  since my husband died and  unable  to get to kitchen or bathroom-it was very difficult.   We may put off facing getting older  for a while but reality  always drops in like it owns the place-which it does.  Last night I cried so hard after working so hard  because a lot of my changes here  are proof of my timetable  and  I'd rather be young  and out and sound so brave barbee...thx for posting.    hugs                   lj

Comment by barbee yesterday

To me downsizing does not always mean moving to different lodgings. I think it can mean de-cluttering a room; removing unused items from a closet; making work spaces more efficient; weeding the planting beds. Any way we make more space or light come into our lives has to be a positive. I tell myself that "something" has used up its life with me and that someone else needs it. Then, it is off to the thrift store or donated wherever seems best. For example, this week about two dozen Easter plush animals still looking new that my great-grandchildren don't play with anymore are on their way to a children's shelter in town. I surely don't need to keep them any longer.

Anything we do to make our living areas safer (physically or emotionally) can only help us to live better lives and longer. So, to me, downsizing means creating more space and not necessarily moving to a new place. We "older folks" need to find bright spots to fill our remaining days! Losing my eyesight and hearing and now having poor balance means I need to make sure I can find things when I need them and not trip over the rest! 

Comment by Barzan yesterday

Barbee,  Thank you for asking.  I am doing so well following knee replacement surgery.  I was very disciplined with my physical therapy so now walking without a cane.  I still have trouble sleeping but that will improve with time as well.  I had great support from family and friends.

Comment by laurajay on Monday

Oh my,  I guess I was not clear...LOL  I downsized/purged and reorganized  the year my husband died!   Got rid of clothing, household linen and unneeded  kitchen items.   Tons of bags went  to goodwill...It  was not sad at all.  Now five years later  this is a refined version.   I am making all decisions based on what is best for me to be able to stay in my home alone for as long as possible.  So...everything  is being changed to make aging  as easy as possible  without  hiring help-which I cannot afford.  Relocating   all personal items  so they are handy.  Changing  everything  in the kitchen so it is easier to cook/bake which I still enjoy.  Working out a budget for money and setting a time schedule  to remember the  necessary  tasks like changing water filters and furnace filters.  I already have bill paying mostly switched to online or phone to save postage, time and effort of writing checks.   Re decorating/ changing guest rooms to make house   clutter free.  Moved grandchildren's play things to one area.   So many small things to eliminate frustration.  Very  different  than just downsizing --   it is a house  and not an apt.or flat   so there are details galore.  I want  no part of senior living community. Nor old age  home.  So until  I cannot do for myself...I intend to spend my time  making life work where I am not confined and do not have to abide by other's rules.  And that is my home.  It has always been  a source of comfort  and I love my location.   A lot of you have  not  been limited  much so far as what you can still do....but when that happens you sit up, wake up  and make changes--little to do with widowhood  but much to do with getting older and reality.   If you are still  traveling, going to potlucks, shopping, driving, gardening   etc  then you are blessed.  For me   necessity greeted me  just in time and I am grateful. Remember  changes  sometimes come unexpectedly...and more loss is inevitable as time passes.     lj

Comment by barbee on Sunday

Barzan--how is the recovery from your knee surgery coming along?

Laurajay--glad to read that you are ready to downsize. It might be happy or sad times, but it should be a refreshingly good direction in which to head.

Elaine--there is always a reason and for you to discover it is a bit early for the next kitty was ok. you'll be ready next time!

Faolan--you are a doer and an organizer like I am. Now that it is Spring there are many projects I want to do inside and outside but the rain keeps coming day after day, every day. Waiting for it to warm up is hard.

Hope you all are enjoying this Sunday afternoon.

Comment by Barzan on Sunday

Elaine, I completely understand your situation.  When my Bella had to be put down one year ago yesterday, I missed her terribly.  I had to wait to get another kitty because I didn't think I could give a new pet the love it deserved.  I was finally ready in October and welcomed a rescue kitty that I named Milo and I absolutely am head over heals in love with him.  You will know when the timing is right.  As with everything in our lives, we have a mysterious trigger that goes off when we are ready to take a new road or a leap of fate.  We just have to be patient. 

Comment by elaine on Sunday

Hi everyone, well I took in a foster cat last week.  He is lovely, but I realise it is way too soon.  The organization will take him back, so no problem there.  I have to grieve over Misty first.  I don't know why I agreed to this so quickly, not thinking straight I guess.  Just feel in a fog.  Good for you, LJ, there is a time for everything. 

Comment by Faolan on Sunday
The "reorganisation" stage comes earlier or later, depending on the person, mine was virtually straight off the bat, new furniture replaced the old, the complete overhaul of my flat, and clearing what I no longer wanted or needed, and in some strange way, it was cathartic, and helped to banish some of the negativity. I'm pleased you have finally reached this stage, because it proves you're moving through and onwards.

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