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Born in the 40s or Earlier


Born in the 40s or Earlier

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Comment by Hope yesterday

Bonnie, your answer to my question was very interesting and prompted me to think about some things. First of all I thank you for validating some of the experiences I have been having this past 5 months. It sounds like you reached out and traveled with family and friends. I have been thinking about that. When someone asked me what I always wanted to do that I might seek out...I can't think of anything...just like you because much of my desires and interests were things I did with Ken. Your words were a comfort because even though you are still having challenges you have taken things on and are finding your way. Thank you dear one for your caring note. God bless you. Let's continue the conversation over the weeks and months.

Comment by Bonnie yesterday
Hope, I have been reading your posts and am feeling really deep sympathy for you as I have had so many of the exact same reactions all through last year. I wish I could say I am finding the second year easier, but it is still hard, and reading others here tells me that is not unusual--it takes longer to get to any kind of new normal for most of us it seems. How have I coped? The first few months I was just numb--I really don't know how I did. I had a lot that had to be done with settling my husband's estate, getting the house in order after so many months of illness and disruption, taking care of things that had been neglected (like a damaged roof that I just couldn't do anything about until about six months after he died.) I went to Boston to visit my oldest son and his family in September (two months after my husband's death in July) and I made plans to leave for a month with a friend on Christmas Day which got me through not only the holidays but January and well into February. And I left with my youngest son and his son for a month in June and part of July. That took me past the year anniversary. I don't even remember some of the time in between. This Fall I have spent a lot of time in a near-by city, often alone, but there is more to do here to stay busy. When I am at home I sit in my chair and watch mindless t.v. a lot. I couldn't read for most of last year--no concentration--but I have been able to again lately. I also paint, and although I couldn't for much of last year, I am beginning to again. So I know I'm doing better. And you will too. You are still in the early months. It just takes longer, and it is day by day. And as we both noted below, everyday is a new challenge.
Someone told me at some point last year, "Make a list of all the things you've always wanted to do and start doing them." For a long time I couldn't think of anything. I had done most of the things I really wanted to do with my husband and I had no energy or enthusiasm for anything else. But gradually I found a few things, and I am trying others. I find that I am much more willing to just say, "Tried it, didn't like it, won't do it again." But I am finding some things interesting again, and that is nice. So I now realize that neither my life nor I will ever be quite the same again, but that is becoming more o.k. And I am becoming a little more comfortable doing things by myself. So we'll see--I greatly appreciate everyone here who has shared experiences that tell me more what to expect, and I have also greatly appreciated the comforting words that have been offered. I hope that can be helpful to you too.
Comment by Hope yesterday

Bonnie, I did just read a note from your earlier so you are in your second year. I would be interested in how you spend your time and cope. You have been at this a while and we could all learn something from you. I am just at 5 months.

Comment by Hope yesterday

Bonnie, what do you do to try and cope? How long has it been for you?

Comment by Bonnie yesterday
Hope, I feel exactly the same way. Every day is a new challenge.
Comment by Hope yesterday

How to get to a new normal? That's something I think about every day. I guess it just happens over time in some organic way. Everyday I wake up and ask what am I going to do today to keep an even keel, to stay somewhat sane and to find a sliver of joy. My confidence is so fragile. Sometimes I feel like I am coping ok and some days I just feel like every little chore is a big deal and too hard. I am five months down this path. I miss my old life with my darling Ken

Comment by Hope on Thursday

Dear ones, I cherish all of you who come here for no one really knows as well as you do what life is like without your loved one. May we cherish the memories today and hold tight to the good. I am told by many of you it gets better....never the same but better. Today is my first Thanksgiving without Ken. There will be tears but I hope for moments of joy in rememberence

Comment by barbee on Thursday

Hi, everyone! May your Thanksgiving Day be full of warm memories. Remember those loving feelings. I know this is a difficult (almost impossible) day for some of you. I was there a couple years ago. Life gets much better and happier as the sad memories fade. Take good care of yourselves. (((HUGS)))

Comment by Bobbysgirl on Thursday
I was watching TV this morning. The widow said "I do not mourn his loss, I rejoice in the life we had together". I wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving with happy memrories.

Comment by Soaring Spirits on Thursday

Thanksgiving peace to everyone. I'll be hanging around the Chat Room today if anyone is needing a little conversation.  It's just me ... so there could be times it takes a minute to respond ... like now, I need to make some coffee!


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