Widowed Village

A community of peers created by the Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation

Born in the 40s or earlier


Born in the 40s or earlier

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Members: 141
Latest Activity: 8 hours ago

Comment Wall


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Comment by brendab 8 hours ago

Thanks ebwilke - I appreciate your support.  Congratulations on the new baby.  I think losing a husband at our age does jolt us into the reality that we are in the last phase of our lifespan.  Not that we cannot be just as fulfilled as before - just more difficult.  For me my health (or lack of it) is the single element that holds me back from creating the life I would like to build for myself.  Thanks everyone for sharing.

Comment by laurajay 14 hours ago

ebwilkie    YES  it does sound old   LOL  because I have a just turned 3 yr old grand myself.   I do believe if it weren't for the sweet affection of my grandchildren  I would not have made it this far.  I don't think it's always true about not grieving enough at first  I think it's the knowledge that we are getting older and never going to have the bloom of youth.  The grief includes an aging element now.  Congrats on the new baby! Just about the same time as the second royal baby abroad!  Hurrah for babies.   

Comment by ebwilkie 17 hours ago

I just found out that I'm going to be a great grandma for the first time!  They got married May31st of this year and the baby is due May 31, 2015!  Isn't that neat?  It makes me happy but when I think about my husband - he would have been overjoyed.  I wish he was around to share in the happiness.  Great grandma - sounds old doesn't it!

Comment by ebwilkie 17 hours ago

My comment was for Brendab - I should have put her name on my comment.

Comment by ebwilkie 17 hours ago

You postponed the grief, that's all.  I did the same and I thought I was going backwards too.  My grief therapist told me I didn't grieve enough when it first happened because I was too busy trying to put off the grief.  Now its hitting you full force.  Keep busy and try to surround yourself with people - girlfriends that want to go to a movie, out to lunch or whatever.  There's even a group that helps you grieve.  I have health issues too and I'm worried that no one will take care of me, like my husband would have.  I just keep moving along and I hope that you can too.

Comment by Maggie 19 hours ago
Laurajay....the fall was my husbands favorite time and I look at the many trees he planted ( a lot of maples) and he won't get to see them grow and the seasons come and go...makes me sad. Cee...we are each other's security blanket in some ways, especially from our age perspective. Hearts forever...I too am just treading water. I've felt lately I'll probably live a long time ...just because I don't want to...at least not the way I feel now. My closest friend has been visiting these last two weeks and I've sooo enjoyed her company and not being alone, but she leaves Sun. I know I'm gonna be sad. I do have another close friend here in my neighborhood, but it's been so nice to wake up knowing someone else is in the house. She also brought her kitty which has been so nice..life is in the house...I have thought of a kitty myself, but I still want to try and make myself travel some while I can and I do go visit my brother some, but maybe down the road. It is sunny and pretty here and I am grateful for the people and things I've had and still have in my life, but oh I do miss my husband so and the bond, history and sharing that comes with a long marriage even in the not so good moments, that most long term marriages can have. That bond, history and love override EVERYTHING....wouldn't it be nice if we could all meet on occasion for lunch or just a visit...a peaceful day to all
Comment by laurajay 20 hours ago

I woke up after a short sleeping time...the sun peeking in around the window shade.  It was very quiet and before my monkey brain could began wrestling with the things I would have to do today, I reflected on the sunrises/sunsets we shared for so many years... hopes, plans, expressing gratitude about our blessings etc.  and soon the warm tears fell down my face and I cried-  I did not want to do this but even   2 1/2 yr later I find the longing so intense. And I am alone.   How can I look at the sun or the colored leaves and not want him here to share life with me?  How can I move into this day with thankfulness and not dread?  I pray for a glimpse of joy, just a glimpse to help me keep on keeping on...and strength for my soul to believe in healing.  For all of you- may you too  find a glimpse today of the goodness in life... and may your hearts smile just a bit.

Comment by cee 21 hours ago

Thanks to all of you for expressing exactly how I feel in so many ways. The loneliness, the fears, the what do I do now, where do I go from here. So many unanswered questions and not knowing where to go for the answers.

Thank you to everyone here - we can be each others security blanket.  HUGS

Comment by Jeanine yesterday

Katpilot.... thanks for giving us your perspective.  I suspect you are a special man, just like my husband was a special kind of man, and your perspective is more tender and loving than the perspective most men have.  I'm glad you are posting, and hope you continue to give us your perspective on whatever subject pops up.    

Comment by HeartsForever yesterday

I think this age group (born in 40s or earlier) has some unique challenges as do all the other have theirs.  I see us losing our spouses before their time not of old age, but gut wretching illness or total shock, plus some of us losing children, and siblings and close friends.  It's a beginning of our last days and as all have said, it brings lonliness, pain and fear.  There were 6 of us siblings and I've lost 2 and sometimes wonder am I going to be the last, like my Mom was (she was last of 11 siblings to die).  She talked about that a lot.  Losing my DH and DD within 3 yrs time took every speck of joy out of my life most days despite trying to enjoy my new and only grandchild.  Everything has been colored by the grief if feel.  Like all of you, I've tried everything I can to move on a bit, live the rest of my life best I can, but I find I have no strength emotionally to do that and it doesn't seem to be coming back.    Finding things to do, ways to fill my day is not hard.  Doing it with desire, that's the problem.  After 15 months, I'm treading water at best. 


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