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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

Born in the 40s or Earlier

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Born in the 40s or Earlier

Groups are a place to connect with others you have something in common with. Please get acquainted here and make friends anywhere on the site.

Check the 'Help' tab for more guidance or send questions to widville@gmail.com.

Members: 176
Latest Activity: 1 hour ago

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Comment by Hope 1 hour ago

Elaine, you encourage me. I do want to grasp life as it is a gift. The tears come and I get discouraged but then I remind myself that life doesn't stop. If you are at 6 months and feeling that way then there is hope for me. There are so many things to be grateful for including 35 years of the best relationship I could ever want. Today was a weepy one but I keep one foot in front of the other. I do not want to be on here talking about my husband and my loss years from now unless it is to help others.

Comment by Elaine 4 hours ago
Hi Hope, Your name suits your spirit that you project here.
It's early days for you, but I see so much of myself in what you are doing. It's been six months for me. I'm trying a lot of brand new things and retaining those familiar ones that give me pleasure and a feeling of connectedness.
I feel that we may always miss our spouses and the old life, but as one widow wrote, we can never have IT back, and I, for one simply am not made to dwell endlessly in grief. So with no other choice, I am determined to find ways to move on into my beautiful new life, that I feel is a gift.
Blessings,
Elaine
Comment by elaine 19 hours ago

Hope, I think you are doing this right.  It is 30 months for me and I think it is only now that I am fully grieving which seems strange, but the first 2 years were spent dealing with so much major stuff I was running on adrenaline most of the time or in a complete fog.  Now things are settling and I have much more time to think and reflect.  However, I am looking at volunteer opportunities, joining classes and trying to make a new life for myself.   Grief will take as long as it takes and Bonnie was right it can't be rushed.  Take care,

Elaine D.

A therapist told me once there are 87 ways to grieve.  I think of this often.

Comment by Bonnie 20 hours ago
Hope, I hope you did have at least a relatively grief-free day. Endless cycles of grief ARE exhausting. It has been over a year for me and I am still hit by waves of it but they are now coming a little farther apart and I do have more days when I can be busy and energetic and focused on the moment. Like you I want to figure out what kind of life I will have now but it has been slow in emerging. Don't rush it. Everyone told me the standard widow's advice about not making any serious decisions until after a year and that has certainly proven to be good advice. I am only just starting to feel that I may be beginning to think more clearly and to feel a bit like my old self. The last few days I have been on a whirlwind organizing spree, straightening drawers, getting rid of clutter, throwing out things I thought I needed to keep, pulling clothes I haven't worn in ages out to give away. These are all things I simply couldn't do all last year. couldn't be productive at all. It feels good to be at least a bit so now. I know I will slip back some, but I do feel that at least I am slowly moving forward. Give yourself time. It takes a LOT of time. It's a strange journey this being a widow. I didn't want this new beginning and neither did you, but like so many other things in life I guess we just have to figure out what to do with it anyway.
Comment by Hope 21 hours ago

Callie, thank you for your dear words and I actually did sleep well.

Comment by Hope 21 hours ago

Today I decided was going to be a grief free day. I just couldn't stand any more pain so I just tried to focus on chores and seeing family and getting by without crying. I think it helped. Endless cycles of grief are exhausting. I know they will come again but today I started thinking about who/what I want to be with the life I am now faced with. I have to find purpose and meaning beyond the death of my darling or there is no purpose in living. I am not suicidal. I just want to be able to find a meaningful life as a widow. The idea of ever being with someone is out of the question for me. It makes me ill just to think about it. I just want to be productive and cherish all the memories but realize this has to be a new beginning.

Comment by Callie2 on Sunday
Hope, I lost my husband suddenly and I understand the shock, disbelief and the feeling like it's a very bad dream and I will soon wake up. For a long time, nothing seemed real! I used to talk to myself for months, somehow hoping he could hear me! We all find our ways of letting out and letting go, but my, it is exhausting. I hope you get a good night's sleep and tomorrow will be a better day!
Comment by Hope on Saturday

Thank you for all your words of comfort and solace. It makes me feel less alone. I have family but they are all busy and while they call in and come by they can't possibly understand all this. I have settled down a little and feel less crazy. I hope tomorrow is better.

Comment by Bonnie on Saturday
Hope, you're not terrible and crazy--your life has been ripped apart and of course you want to scream and cry. Be gentle with yourself. Time will ease things, but it takes time and I don't know anyway to hurry it.
Comment by Callie2 on Saturday
Hope,
Just let it out if you are able. It's a rocky and unpredictable path we take towards healing and there will be times when you'll feel uncertain if you are headed backwards or forwards, believe me. Crazy? Not at all it is grief--and it is still very raw.

Please understand and have faith. These dark days will not last forever and there will come a time when you will learn to be happy and smile once again. First we must deal with the agony of our loss and there is no way to skirt around it, unfortunately. I hope you have support from family and friends and maybe even some grief counseling as all this helps. You can always stop by here, we all "get it". So please take care of yourself, my thoughts are with you and I send to you one gigantic HUG!
 

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