Widowed Village

A community of peers created by the Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation

Born in the 40s or earlier

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Born in the 40s or earlier

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Members: 135
Latest Activity: 52 minutes ago

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Comment by Nan 52 minutes ago

Hi all....I'm new here but enjoy your posts. It's nice to know that others are feeling the same things. I'm the first in our group to loose my husband so I don't have a lot of friends to share my lost feelings with. I too miss my husband when I go to the grocery because he loved it, it was his job for so many years. I have never shared that with friends who would not understand that the grocery store made me cry for so long. Now, 14 mos later, I can do it but I still don't like it.

Comment by ebwilkie 1 hour ago

Thank you katpiliot.  I know I'll never find another Brian.  I was told that all my life but I didn't believe it.  They didn't know what I put up with.  Now I wish that I had him to put up with.  I remember it as Red Skelton who referred to Mrs. calabash.  Your said Jimmy Durante and another said George Burns.  I kind of thought it was in reference to his late wife.

Comment by ebwilkie 1 hour ago

How many of us have moved on and found a friend of the opposite sex?  I have a friend who's divorced.  He's been divorced for a number of years.  I told him I just want to be friends and he said that was alright with him.  He said he will never marry again because he learned his lesson the first time.  I want to tell him about Brian and the good marriage we had, but I'm too afraid.  I feel weird with him - like I'm cheating on Brian.  Just to be in the car with him is a weird feeling.  Does anybody have any words of wisdom for that feeling?

Comment by ebwilkie 1 hour ago

Feeling lonely - I know how you feel.  I feel the same way.  My husband died of pancreatic cancer 3 years ago.  Isn't it terrible to rely on somebody else?  The somebody else in my case is my son.  He's got his dad's smarts too.  He can fix anything but I always hate to call on him because he's married now.  He was so giving that I had to share him with other members of my family.  I know what you mean - I feel lost too.  Today I went by the hospital where he had his chemo and I lost it.  My widowed sister was with me and she said things will remind you of the bad times.  It never quits.  She's been a widow for 18 years.

Comment by feelinglonely 1 hour ago

Katpilot--You are so funny--you made me laugh.  I like what you said about the dishwasher--not loading it right.  My husband was a scorpio and a marine--he had the best ways of doing everything.  Used to drive my daughter and I nuts.  With the groceries, especially the cans--he wanted them all facing front in the pantry.  When my daughter and I wanted to drive him nuts--we would mess up all the cans facing in all different directions.  Now, I even get upset sometimes just looking at the few cans I have.

Laundry is not so bad--they have special no sort laudry detergent that you can buy and nothing will get messed up.

Comment by katpilot 2 hours ago

You know, it's funny but the hardest thing for me to do by myself turned out to be grocery shopping. We did it together, so when I was alone in the grocery store, so many trigers would set me off. Sometimes it was music playing, or seeing things we would buy. I couldn't even deal with looking at the eggs to be sure they weren't cracked. I don't know why it was groceries, but it was and sometimes is still today.

You know, sometimes it can be pretty hard for a man to do things around the house. I still can't load the freaking dishwasher right so most of the time I just do them by hand. Learning how not to screw up my laundry,,,,,,,,,,well I'm still working on that.  But cooking is another matter completely. Maybe women are better at multi tasking. I can't seem to cook a sauce and fry something without wrecking one or the other, or sometimes both. Hell if I can ad the oven to the mix.  I'm lucky, I can have the cleaning ladies do my house or that would get wrecked too. Let's see, what can I do as well as my wife did?  Oh yeah, I can change channels on the remote.

Comment by feelinglonely 3 hours ago

Ebwilkie--I was really spoiled as my husband did so many things that others would not do.  He like helping with the groceries because he always wanted the cans and things put away the way he liked them, he liked to cook, he did vacuum for me also.  I never had to worry about anything, if he didnt know how to fix something, he would find out how.  The word "cant" was not in his vocabulary.  Plus he did everything for everyone else.  No kidding--there will never be another like him.  I feel so lost.

Comment by Maggie 14 hours ago
Yes I remember too. I wonder what the name Calabash referred to? And Gracie Allen died first and George Burns was always saying funny but kind things about her as I recall
Comment by Jeanine 21 hours ago

Thanks for the story, katpilot...  I well remember Jimmy Durante. 

And thanks to everyone else for their posts... they help me feel connected, and I need that.  I think we all need that!!

Comment by katpilot 22 hours ago

I think this is the perfect group to mention his cause I bet we all can remember this statement. It comes from Jimmy Durante who had a TV show when we were young. If you recall, he ended every show by putting a finger to his nose and saying "Good night Mrs. Calabash, wherever you are". It was a tribute to his wife who had died and it was his way of telling her that he loved her still.  I will never forget as a child watching him say that and asking my dad who she was.    Now it's my turn.

 

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