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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

Born in the 40s or Earlier

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Born in the 40s or Earlier

Groups are a place to connect with others you have something in common with. Please get acquainted here and make friends anywhere on the site.

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Members: 214
Latest Activity: 14 hours ago

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Comment by Faolan 14 hours ago
Jim, I'm pleased your therapist visit helped, of course you're still grieving, I would have been more surprised if you were not, it's the price we pay for love, isn't it?. As for diet, I was given a print out from my GP, and everything on there was what I eat and drink anyway!, talk about teaching granny to suck eggs!. When I think about the "wrong" foods my parents ate, and how they both lived to a great age.....well!
Comment by Jim 15 hours ago

Faolan and  Elaine - thanks so much for your comments.  I am a "young" 82 going on 83 in March this year.  I don't feel "old" and am not sure how many years remain for me.  Besides having asthma I am in relatively good shape.  We have a free membership at a Life Style Center and I workout daily on the Nautilus machines to keep my muscles in tone.  No more body building for me!  My pulmonologist just gave me a list of foods I should not eat (they take the fun out of eating!).  I can live without some food on that list.    I've been goal oriented all my life, but I don't know what am to do now.  I miss my life's companion.  I finally decided to see a Grief Therapist and it was a helpful experience.   I cried throughout that hour with her.  I realize now how lonely I've been, and I am still grieving over my loss. Widowed Village is one place where I can share my problems.  Thanks, folks, for listening.

Comment by Faolan 19 hours ago
Hope, 70 is not what I consider "old", and our chronological age is often very different to our mental age. I know mine is, I have a fridge magnet which reads "growing old is mandatory, growing up is not". We still have a few good years ahead of us, hopefully!.
Comment by Hope yesterday

Elaine, you said it so well...the comfort and easy companionship. I am still trying to get used to living without him at 19 months. It feels empty a lot of the time. laurajay, you are right about aging entering into the whole picture as well. With the shock of Ken's sudden death and my turning 70 I feel like the best years of my life are behind me. At the same time, I am learning a little at a time to navigate this new way of living. Friends, activities and family are all good but they don't fill the empty hours or the hole in my heart. Having said that, I always carry hope each day and sometimes I almost feel like I can cope going forward

Comment by elaine yesterday

Jim, it will take a while to get used to your new life.  For me, I find it hard to adjust to change and this is massive.  I am also an introvert and I think it takes us longer than those who are able to get up, get going, and join all sorts of activities.   The comfort and easy companionship we had with our spouse meant we didn't have to make the effort to find outside activities - we had all we wanted at home.  Take care of yourself, Jim

Comment by Faolan yesterday
Jim, my dear friend died three Weeks after my husband, her husband also sold up, she had died at home and he couldn't cope with the memory of it. Anyway, he moved nearer to his daughter in Somerset, and started playing lawn bowls again, a hobby he had laid aside during her illness, I think it's a positive thing to consider pastimes, and it will benefit your health with fresh air and exercise. Be Blessed
Comment by laurajay yesterday

John.  Sudden unexpected  death of a love one leaves us stunned for a long time...there often are no explanations  or answers or labels to help us understand...we can never tell ourselves   he or she died from such and such...it's a very alarming thing when you realize   death actually can just happen...with no logical reason.  your loss is very new  and unfortunately the pain is raw and intense right now.  All you can do is move through it one day at a time.  Because we are all seniors on this board  it goes without saying  as we move through the pain of loss  we are also aging!  That brings more loss, more limitations, more challenges  as well.   I was in much better condition almost five yrs ago when my husband  suddenly died,  I could carry on with things and remain independent  in daily living.   Now  aging has changed  all that.  I would suggest that you take as good a care of  yourself  as possible.  Eat healthy.  Get rest/sleep when you can.   Stay away from the temptations of this world that rob you of life  like  junk food and excessive drinking.  Do not smoke.  Try compassion and help others when you can-it helps take your mind off your constant  longings for your wife.  Mostly, our hearts  know what the next right thing to do is....sometimes  that is to just wait and do nothing.  Don't let others bossy opinions  jar you.   Just tell them you will take what they say into consideration....then ignore them and follow your own heart.   I have lived it~~~!!!    I would never  say it gets easier  but I would declare  it does change  and you can move forward  in time with hope of greater insight.  Time comes   when aging comes to the front  and  grief  steps back.  Different for every one  but it does happen.  Time is fleeting...Embrace at least one thing of beauty or truth each day  and remind  yourself   It is enough!      lj

Comment by Jim yesterday

Frank, Laurajay, Faolan, Maggie and John.  Thanks so much for your understanding.  After 58 years my wife died suddenly, unexpectedly of a massive stroke.  I feel so much for you, John.  I know what its like to lose a part of yourself after so many years.  And, Maggie, I know how you feel about not wanting to see the house you left.  I just moved cause I associated so much pain (and joy) living there with Mabel.  But, with her gone, it no longer held attraction for me.  Just a lot of loneliness.   Thanks, Faolan -- am looking forward to that Plateau.  I thought I was near it, but suspected something was not right yet.  My expectations were wrong.  Am not over my grief...Frank:  thanks for your support and sharing.  I've been a private person and am an introvert, so its been difficult to "talk" to others about my pain.  I decided this week to see a Grief Counselor.  I realize I need someone to talk to.  What can I say to Laurajay?  You've been with me from the start always with a fresh word of inspiration.  I know Mabel would not want me to worry with "angst"...I guess I've still not Accepted her dying yet.  I have to keep on reminding myself she is gone FOREVER... and that's a hard thought to accept.  I've only lived here in Ft. Collins four months.  When I get settled I want to take Banjo lessons...and do a lot of Walleye Fishing. I hope this will assuage my pain somewhat.

Comment by Faolan yesterday
John, where you are at, are very much the early stages. Not only that, but you had the added complication of shock. When we had a cot death, I was prescribed Valium for twelve months, shock and disbelief are terrible things to cope with, and then there's the grief.
Those of us who lost our loved ones to Cancer or other long drawn out illness, have time to let it sink in, it's still extremely painful, but when the time comes, we are able to accept it to some extent. That it was "on the cards" so to speak. So here you are, still shaken, and deeply bereft, all you can do is wait it out, and if necessary ask your doctor for help, if you feel you need it. Be Blessed
Comment by Maggie yesterday
John, I think we and society can pit pressure on us to move on, get involved with hobbies, start a new life, bask in good memories of the past etc etc. and not that there is not truth in these assertions, but grief has its own timetable and the things that help some of us, do not help others. It is definitely a personal thing...no right or wrong. The common thread is loss, pain and loneliness and of course aging as well. What should have been a happy time in life usually with retirement and dreams of growing old together, has for us, become the most trying of times...the hardest we'll ever face. Go with the flow and do what seems best for you only...listen to your own heart and mind.
 

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