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I'm new to this group. I lost my wonderful husband suddenly Jan. 23 2019. I can't believe it's been a year and it is still so painful. He was my partner and the person I could trust and count on.  It's been so painful, and I'm not looking forward to tomorrow marking a whole year. I guess we have to take this grief journey day by day. Carol 

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Replies to This Discussion

It's been 10 years.  It is just  as painful but not so often

Some say it gets  easier  or softer ,  Carol,  but  I  say  it  merely  changes...neither  easier  nor  softer...just  changed.   Of course  age  does matter  the  older  you get  because our abilities  diminish  slowly  and  we  gain  added  challenges.  Take  care  of  yourself  with  healthy  habits  as  that  will  lessen  the  sting  and  stress  of being  alone and preserve  your  ability  to  cope as a widow.   Eight  years  the end  of  March.  Pain  very  real from  age  now more than  grief.  You  are not  alone.  

Thanks for your kind responses. Yes I expect that it doesn't get much easier -- we just get more used to the new reality.  

dear carol

as for me time was the only cure, be health conscious and accept the grief, it was hard in the first two years, but as time passed by it heals. to be occupied with you yourself and a little time on meditation was the best. what was good for me might not be for you but trying is also a way in life.

best wishes

Thanks, ahdhu. I'm sure you're right. Time softens the pain, but it is always there .

 I wish I could say it will get easier. It will be 2 years April 29th that my world was changed forever. I take it one day at a time. You are absolutely right about that. I find this site has offered a community that understands the highs and the lows. There have been moments when I have laughed and I really appreciate those moments. But I know the joy I had with my husband of over 47 years was a once in a lifetime experience. I don't even try to explain it to friends or family. I really believe its something you have it experience for yourself. Maybe age has something to do with it. I was 70 and he was 71 when he passed. Maybe the state of your relationship is a major factor. We were in such a happy, wonderful place in our lives in spite of his illnesses. I know each of us is different. Sometimes I think I must be an anomaly because I just cant seem to fit into this new life. I do know I am not going to give in to the grief. Take care.

Dear DIVIA

I pray for your wishes to come true. Its OK to count days, with a lot of remembrance. to be Health conscious is first priority. We all have experienced or is experiencing, how much it hurts to think of the good days in the past. my best advice to you is to be patient, and let life take its course. But make sure to be happy in life as this would be what your partner wants.He would be with you all the time guiding you. Learn how to grasp his silent wish-per. best wishes.

ahdhu

Yes, fitting into this  new life is difficult especially since it's not a life we chose. And I agree, that I'm not going to give up. I force myself to get out and do things with other people, and usually, when I do, I feel better.... not good, but not so depressed. :)

Dear carol E,

i did not understand what you meant by not good. For sure i din't feel much depressed when i work with others. choose the type of work, that might be the odd reason. take care and accept that time is going to be the most important factor.

Thanks for your reply ahdhu, but nothing makes me feel good at this point. I feel less sad and depressed, though, which is better. Someday I hope

to feel good again :)

oh! Dear.

Don't say that, be optimistic, you will not feel depressed. feel a little sad, "is with me too". specially when we talk to widows. We all here, have missed our loved ones very special people who has been with us for couple of decades. There is noway we will ever forget them. and i wouldn't want to. But its all for them as they want us to continue living happily just for them. think on these lines be strong. i am sure this is not the only down you have stepped in life but may be the first alone. How ever try to come back out of this darkness you are creating. we all here is to help you. give me a smile.

cheers

Hi ahdhu Thanks for the encouragement. Yes, some days are better. January was difficult because it was the first anniversary of my husband's death. I am going to a local Grief Share group which does help as well as the encouragement and the understanding of this group.  Here's a smile :)))

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