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Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

My  first post. Aloha from Hawaii. I was born in 1930 when (as they say) dinosaurs roamed the streets of Honolulu.

My wife, Imiko, & I had been married for 56 years when she died of cancer. She passed away peacefully in June 2012 at home, in her own bed, surrounded by her family plus 3 "angels" from St. Francis Hospice (her doctor & 2 nurses). Aided from time to time by those angels, I was Imiko's 24/7 caregiver for the last 4-5 years of her life -- a great privilege.

In the Bible, the first mention of marriage says that a husband & wife shall be "one flesh.." I always thought that was merely colorful language until I lost Imiko. Then I learned that the Bible's saying had a lot of truth in it -- losing Imiko was very much like part of me had been ripped off, leaving a raw, bleeding wound behind. To this day, >6 years after her death, that wound has not healed.

I'm not used to sharing this sort of stuff so I need to do something else for awhile.

Grace & peace to you all. I look forward to getting to know you as time marches on.

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Replies to This Discussion

I felt the same way:  Like  I had been torn in half and the best part of me had been thrown away.  You will never get over it.    Just lean to live with it and concentrate only on the good memories.   It is hard to do and sometimes I go back to "that day".

hi I am 18 yrs or more and it still hurts. He died in Israel suddenly of a heart attack they gave him no cpror resuscitation they went thru my bag held me down supposedly for my I.d. I was alone to travel back to the USA they even gave me a hard time leaving that if I didn’t pay the extra ,money I couldn’t leave and ur life changes I do work at 73 have a dog do drive have problems with my married son which hurts like hell gets to me makes me feel so worthwhile and miserable I pray to god that I hshould be healthy and if possible happy u never forget ur first love we would have been married this yr 46 yrs so ubtry to keep busy and hopefully u have supportive loving people which makes life a little bit kinder my thoughts are with u if u wish to talk god be with u.  Elaine

Hi bellgamin, Welcome to this site.  My husband died four years ago in July and in the first years it helped me a lot to come here often and get the support from others all over who had walked the same path.  I have come less often lately but I still feel that the kind and sypathetic people I met here have been really important in helping me.  Only this year and really just in the last couple of months have I even begun to feel an energy level remotely  like I can remember feeling before my husband’s death.  It left SUCH a hole in my life and in my heart—I know just what you mean by a part of you ripped off and only a raw, bleeding wound behind.  I am thankful that there is now some healing although I know the hole will never be filled.  But it is nice to be regaining some interest in life again, to begin to feel that I am getting a handle on things,that I will be able to do the things I need.   We were only married for 34 years and that has been so very hard I can’t even imagine trying to re-order my life after 56 years.  So thanks for sharing that, and thanks for giving me perspective. You are a little older than I am and I am also aware that these years past 80 have their own challenges, compounding other losses.  I hope you will feel the support and understanding here that has helped me.

Welcome to the group no one wants to join. I am sorry for your loss, you were honored to have her for so long but it doesn't make it any easy to lose a loved one.    We were married for 26 years and he left me in 2011. I still miss him and feel an emptiness in my life.

This is a comfortable place to share your feelings, sad and happy. We talk about things we have done and things we would like to do.

Come back often and go to the other areas of this site.

Hi Bellgamin,

It's been awhile that I have on this site. I lost my spouse of 521/2 years on Christmas Day. 10 years ago.

Sometimes, it helps to talk to someone that's been there. Yes, I am sad and lonely , especially during the 

Holiday Season. But, I managed to pick up the pieces and go on with life.

I am sorry for your loss. Peace be with you during this Holiday Season.

Just checking to find out how you are doing? During this Holiday Season it can be rough.

Each Christmas, I put up a white artificial Christmas Tree. Decorated it with Blue Lights

and Blue Christmas ornaments. That was what my husband liked.

I put  it up  just after Thanksgiving. I am comforted by it.

Take Care now and Peace be with you.

I can relate fully to this.  I, too, had these exact same feelings of a raw open wound.  As though half of me was ripped away.  My hubby died 7/29/14.  Now, 4 years later, the wound has scabbed over somewhat.  It is fragile, however, and the scab can rip off at the obvious times AND the most inoportune times as well.  A certain music.  Or smell.  Or casual comment that was something he might have said, or, worse, HAD said.  As you say, time marches on.  Alone.  

Gwamma, my husband also died July 29, 2014.  It is hard to believe it is now over four years.  The wound has as you say healed over some but I don’t think it will ever completely and I will always have those moments when the tears just come.  I am trying now to focus on the time we did have and be grateful for it.


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