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Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

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We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

We seem to have been blessed.  We had a long (43 years) and happy marriage, jobs that we both enjoyed, two daughters and four grandchildren that live nearby, a home and neighborhood we enjoy.  We were planning to visit New England and Niagara Falls for the first time this coming fall and had so much to look forward to.  Then out of nowhere my wife was diagnosed with acute myeloid leukemia.  She lost her battle on February 19, 2018 after what feels to me like a horrific struggle.  I am devastated, terribly lonely, and just trying to survive day to day because the future looks so bleak.  Nothing seems worthwhile anymore.  Before she died, she said that she wanted me to be happy.  I just don't know how to get there except to keep getting up each morning, struggle through the day, touch base with my loving and caring daughters (who themselves are struggling terribly with the loss of their mother), my grandchildren, and my friends, and plan some activities that will get me out of a large, empty home.  

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Neush, I am very sorry for your loss. You have come to the right place to seek solace, understanding, and, hopefully, a measure of comfort. When My beloved Laura died almost four years ago I found many compassionate people here that helped to lighten the terrible load we carry as we struggle on without our Life Long Love. Tell of your love to anyone that will listen thereby keeping her alive and never forgotten. My family was also of immense help which it sounds like you have. I write to Laura every day on my computer, a journal that started as a Journal of Grief... transitioned to a Journal of Gratitude (at the suggestion of someone here) and has become a Love Letter to her. I also found comfort in Grief Support Groups of which I participate and assist in four weekly and bi-weekly meetings. Do what feels right for you. I wish you peace.

This is Exactly how we begin, one day at a time, and before we know it, Weeks, months and years have passed. I remember feeling as you do, a huge question mark hangs over you "what now?" and you just don't know what you're supposed to do with your life, It's a desolate place to be in. I hope you find some measure of comfort here, nobody will cease to care, as neighbours etc eventually do, you are among people whom have been and are going through what you are experiencing

Neush I enjoyed @ 42 years with Walt. I wish you much peace as you attempt to move thru your early months of grief. Depending on where you live, there may be a regional group of soaring spirits international near you to meet others in person who have been widowed. Also I joined this group thru the Camp Widow West in San Diego. The next one is July 13-15. Well worth looking into if you can travel to San Diego. You will meet all ages and all circumstances .  You will find those who had cancer, those in your age group and those newly widowed. Long live love and hugs to you. I am almost 6 years out from Walt's death in June 2012. I will be at camp as an alumni and volunteer this year.  Lee is not my usual name... 

Can you post  this  again in the section born in the 40's  further down the page  where  you see  conversation  posted.  Where you have it now I don't  think all of our older folks   will see it.   I'll say here  that your pain is raw  and fresh and time  is the only answer-  there  is no quick fix and no time schedule  you can find to hurry it along.  Grief  takes  the time  it needs and no two people have  the same span of time  in their healing.  I just  marked 6yrs after 44+yrs of marriage  to my beloved husband.  While  grief in some ways is not as intense, the problems  of aging alone are very worrisome.  Be your own best friend.  Take one moment at a time.  Use  your lifetime  of memories  to sustain you.  Expect  others  ( except  those  here at WV)  to not  really understand.  Be your own wise counsel and use  the loved you shared  so many  years  to guide  you through your  healing.  No pain will ever be greater  but  Neush ~remember~  you are not  alone.  Someone here will always  respond or just listen to your story.  Welcome.      lj

Neush...first year is the toughest.  It’s floundering, trying to redefine priorities and realities.  It’s trying to figure out a life of self after a lifetime of us, we and our.

i remember that first year as pure agony...shudder.  Coming here is a good step.  We can share and listen and understand because we’re right in the throes of our own grief journey.  

Neush, 

I too was happily married to my beloved husband of 42 years before he passed away three years ago. I can relate to all your feelings of utter despair and loneliness. I found that the first year was the hardest. I was helped in my journey by going to a widow/widower group and individual therapy. Finding that others were going through grief and sharing our stories helped me so much. Putting lots of pillows on my husbands side of the bed helped me at night. Reading “Healing after Loss, Daily Meditations for working through grief” by Martha Whitmore Hickman helped me process my grief. Today I am much better but will always feel that loss and miss him deeply. You might find that over time that your previous friends as a couple will disappear. To remedy this I volunteer in many activities that make a difference in this world of ours. Each persons journey in grief will be different. Ignore those people who tell you to move on. Your journey will be yours alone and there is no timeline. May you take one moment at a time and do not rush it.

Hugs to you and your family.

Truly sorry for your loss. Like you I had a long and happy marriage. Tony and I were married over 47 years. We actually met in the 6th grade so he got a kick out of telling people I had my eye on him even then.(true)He was my knight in shining armor. April 29,2018 my life changed forever and I know it will never be the same. I was preparing to pick him up from the hospital when I received a call informing me he was being taken to ICU. By the time I got there they were trying frantically to bring him back. My daughter was with me when the doctor delivered the awful news. Tony would not be coming home. Since that time I have been on a roller coaster of emotions. I have three adult children and eight grandchildren. Two of our children and five grandchildren live close by and we have been tremendous support for one another. Tony was always so upbeat and jovial. He loved to take the grands on special outings. He loved going special places with the family. Despite being on dialysis he insisted on going with me last year to Florida to bring two of our grandchildren back home with us for the summer. When I am feeling really down and depressed I think on those fun times and the wonderful times we had together. We started out young so we had some pretty lean times and like most couples we had our bumps in the road but we always talked about how blessed we were to have survived those times and were the better for them. One of his favorite songs was the country song Remember When. He and I talked about everything. He was sure he was going to go first and he would joke about my next husband. For me there will never be another husband. He still fills up all my space. I have taken a few short trips with friends and that did give me a few moments of joy...but I know the ache I feel in my heart will always be there....and I am ok with that. Tony suffered with gout and at times he would be in so much pain. Then it would subside or go away and he would say it was just something he had to deal with. So this is a pain I will just have to deal with....there is no cure. You had 43 beautiful years. I had 47 years. We have had what so many have not had and what so many desire. We both are new in this journey. I took the car in to be serviced last week. In 47 years I had never done that.....but I did it and I know Tony was smiling from above and saying "that's my girl". The holiday season will be upon us soon. My children have already said they don't want the big family gatherings we've always had in the past. Maybe next year they say but not this year. I agree. My daughter and I are planning a cruise for Christmas just to get away. I too am in a large empty house now. It does help to get out. Our local library plans trips to the theatre and similar outings so I am going to get more involved in activities like that. Sorry about being so longwinded. This is the only place where I feel people can really relate to what I'm experiencing. Best wishes to you and your daughters. 

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