We seem to have been blessed. We had a long (43 years) and happy marriage, jobs that we both enjoyed, two daughters and four grandchildren that live nearby, a home and neighborhood we enjoy. We were planning to visit New England and Niagara Falls for the first time this coming fall and had so much to look forward to. Then out of nowhere my wife was diagnosed with acute myeloid leukemia. She lost her battle on February 19, 2018 after what feels to me like a horrific struggle. I am devastated, terribly lonely, and just trying to survive day to day because the future looks so bleak. Nothing seems worthwhile anymore. Before she died, she said that she wanted me to be happy. I just don't know how to get there except to keep getting up each morning, struggle through the day, touch base with my loving and caring daughters (who themselves are struggling terribly with the loss of their mother), my grandchildren, and my friends, and plan some activities that will get me out of a large, empty home.
Neush, I am very sorry for your loss. You have come to the right place to seek solace, understanding, and, hopefully, a measure of comfort. When My beloved Laura died almost four years ago I found many compassionate people here that helped to lighten the terrible load we carry as we struggle on without our Life Long Love. Tell of your love to anyone that will listen thereby keeping her alive and never forgotten. My family was also of immense help which it sounds like you have. I write to Laura every day on my computer, a journal that started as a Journal of Grief... transitioned to a Journal of Gratitude (at the suggestion of someone here) and has become a Love Letter to her. I also found comfort in Grief Support Groups of which I participate and assist in four weekly and bi-weekly meetings. Do what feels right for you. I wish you peace.
This is Exactly how we begin, one day at a time, and before we know it, Weeks, months and years have passed. I remember feeling as you do, a huge question mark hangs over you "what now?" and you just don't know what you're supposed to do with your life, It's a desolate place to be in. I hope you find some measure of comfort here, nobody will cease to care, as neighbours etc eventually do, you are among people whom have been and are going through what you are experiencing
Neush I enjoyed @ 42 years with Walt. I wish you much peace as you attempt to move thru your early months of grief. Depending on where you live, there may be a regional group of soaring spirits international near you to meet others in person who have been widowed. Also I joined this group thru the Camp Widow West in San Diego. The next one is July 13-15. Well worth looking into if you can travel to San Diego. You will meet all ages and all circumstances . You will find those who had cancer, those in your age group and those newly widowed. Long live love and hugs to you. I am almost 6 years out from Walt's death in June 2012. I will be at camp as an alumni and volunteer this year. Lee is not my usual name...
Can you post this again in the section born in the 40's further down the page where you see conversation posted. Where you have it now I don't think all of our older folks will see it. I'll say here that your pain is raw and fresh and time is the only answer- there is no quick fix and no time schedule you can find to hurry it along. Grief takes the time it needs and no two people have the same span of time in their healing. I just marked 6yrs after 44+yrs of marriage to my beloved husband. While grief in some ways is not as intense, the problems of aging alone are very worrisome. Be your own best friend. Take one moment at a time. Use your lifetime of memories to sustain you. Expect others ( except those here at WV) to not really understand. Be your own wise counsel and use the loved you shared so many years to guide you through your healing. No pain will ever be greater but Neush ~remember~ you are not alone. Someone here will always respond or just listen to your story. Welcome. lj
Neush...first year is the toughest. It’s floundering, trying to redefine priorities and realities. It’s trying to figure out a life of self after a lifetime of us, we and our.
i remember that first year as pure agony...shudder. Coming here is a good step. We can share and listen and understand because we’re right in the throes of our own grief journey.
I too was happily married to my beloved husband of 42 years before he passed away three years ago. I can relate to all your feelings of utter despair and loneliness. I found that the first year was the hardest. I was helped in my journey by going to a widow/widower group and individual therapy. Finding that others were going through grief and sharing our stories helped me so much. Putting lots of pillows on my husbands side of the bed helped me at night. Reading “Healing after Loss, Daily Meditations for working through grief” by Martha Whitmore Hickman helped me process my grief. Today I am much better but will always feel that loss and miss him deeply. You might find that over time that your previous friends as a couple will disappear. To remedy this I volunteer in many activities that make a difference in this world of ours. Each persons journey in grief will be different. Ignore those people who tell you to move on. Your journey will be yours alone and there is no timeline. May you take one moment at a time and do not rush it.
Hugs to you and your family.