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My husband died on Aug 28, unexpectedly..

I have a grief counselor- her husband passed away at 47 years of marriage too and so, she traveled this path. I do have a grief group, 4 widows 1 widower. Most a little bit different journeys because all were caregivers for spouses for 1 to 5 years. Still, this helps a little. Marty, he went in for a routine hip surgery, like he did 6 years ago. He came home for my caregiving for just 2 weeks. Then rushed to

Marty, he went in for a routine hip surgery, like he did 6 years ago. He came home for my caregiving for just 2 weeks. Then rushed to hospital and after 28 days he died. A new book announcement came in

A new book announcement came in a Email, Its Ok that You Are Not Okay: meeting grief and loss in a culture that doesn’t understand. The author was widowed around 38 years old. Her husband died when swimming one day. I find some solace in knowing that I am not crazy. The world as I knew it is in

I find some solace here and in this book, in knowing I am not crazy. The world as I knew it is in a gazillion pieces, there’s no way the pieces can fit together, there’s no way pieces lost can be replaced, and the pain is relentlessly excruciating. 

Most of the pain is in the evening and early morning - we each retired just 2 years ago and whether we were home or even traveling, we had settled into a lovely and loving routine around those two parts of the day. During the day we each went our way. But now during the day, no matter what time, I can go from simply walking from one room to another, forgetting or even remembering why, but like just a few minutes ago, then burst into tears, sometimes full sobbing.

I've been here about a week or a little more. And I am sorry I am although happy to find it a place of understanding and help.

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Replies to This Discussion

I am responding to this because I have very similar feelings.  First, so sorry for your loss.  It is so new.  My husband died in 2015 and after throat cancer.  We had been married 47 years and were also just retired.  I understand the feelings you expressed of seeming to feel lost without him.  I feel the same way even now....I guess I manage it better at times now than I did, but the intense pain is still there.  It's that loss of someone to share all the little moments, the intimacy, etc.  That is a huge hole in your life and I wish I had a solution for you.  I think connection is one thing that is important and that is why I am here....good thoughts to you, jan

Jan I am so sorry for your loss. It's losing so many parts of me that he was. I think my last list count was about 27 things, and of course I'm sure I've missed more than that. It IS a huge loss in my life, and I know you know. Thank you Jan.

I am so sorry for your loss.  It will be 3years for me on May 3. My intense pain is over but I struggle with coming to terms with the new me and finding and creating that new life.  I am finding it takes time and each person is different.  Just trust the process and even though it does not,feel,like it, you are moving forward.  God bless

Thank you Summergirl. This gives me hope - from intense pain to struggling for the new you to be comfortable in that. So SO right - it does not feel like I am moving forward. Baby step here and there and then, SLAM, seems like back to day 1.

I am so very sorry InsideLove. For me it hasn’t quite been 5 months, and as another widow said recently here: “when I lost him, I lost me.”  I truly don’t know who I am now. My self confidence has slipped away, and I miss terribly the warmth of his love that made me feel safe and secure.  We traveled extensively and I simply can’t imagine doing that alone now. Maybe one day the pieces of ‘me’ will begin to gather up again; I wish that for all of us. Peace...

It is true when the spouse passes you do lose a part of yourself and it takes time to find that other half of yourself.  Five months is a very short time since the death.  My first year or at least for about 8months I was numb meaning I felt very little emotion and just went through the motions of daily life.  The best thing I did that helped me was I kept a daily routine meaning I got up, got dressed, exercised and cooked food.  I also went to 2 bereavement groups,the first year one with hospice and one with my church.  That helped immensely because I was with people who,understood.  God bless and remember you are never alone.  

I know what you mean. Just sittting here reading these posts i am in floods of tears. The evenings are the worst as i can manage to keep busy in the daytime. I yearn for him with all my heart and soul and don’t think i will ever get over losing him. We were married 26 years, second time for me but first for him. He was 85 and i an 79, he was the love of my life and my soulmate and the pain of losing him even after 9 months is unbearable. The funny thin is i yearn for him as he was when we were younger. Not as he was before he passed, does it ever get any better or are we just going to yearn for them until our own death

I am soooo sorry.  OMG I can feel your pain!  That first year is AWFUL.  

It’s OK to wander around lost.

It’s OK to break down into sobbing, soul wrenching tears.

Its OK to feel like you are crazy.  To hear his voice or feel his presence.  You are not crazy.

Coming into acceptance takes time and it differs for all of us and that’s OK too.

grief is an individual journey no one wants to take.  You know this.  I’m so sorry your journey has begun.

We’re here.  We, too , are walking the same path.  Let us know how we can help.


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