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While I get out and see friends, am involved with some interesting activities, etc. I find that when I am in the house alone that I start to feel like I still don't know who I am or how to structure strategies to make the alone time most comfortable. I feel disconnected from the rest of the world. Any of you feel this way?

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Hello Hope,

Yes, I very definitely feel disconnected from the rest of the world. My husband died suddenly 5 1/2 years ago when we were in our mid-60s. To me, the disconnected feeling comes from having a life that is so different from that of most of my friends, relatives, and neighbors who are continuing to live the kind of life we were living when he died. Over time, I have become more reconciled to the life I have, but it is never easy. One thing I do is go to bed a lot earlier than we used to in order to shorten those difficult evenings!

Wishing you comfort,

Sure. This happens from time to time, even in Year IX--and usually when I wake up in the middle of the night. 

Congratulations on being able to fill some of your time with friends and interesting activities and hugs from someone who understands your feelings. [I was actually born in the 50s, so I am still working, but all of that will change in a few years when I retire.]

Disconnected? I feel the same, Hope (& I have been a widower for 7+ years). I have a cat (Tora). He helps a bit at times but he never laughs at my jokes. Somber fellow. No sense of humor. I play ukulele (a Pono baritone) sometimes. That helps, too, a teeny bit. I walk along the beach at times, shooting pictures at random with my Canon G15. That helps more. I have silver hair & lots of wrinkles plus an odd-looking camera, so kids & their folks consider me harmless (& I am). So they sometimes chat me up. That helps a lot. Even so, when I return home at evening time, it's still empty. I won't remarry so that's a fact that won't be changed, only endured.

May those that love you, love you.
As for those who don't love you,
May God turn their hearts.
And if He doesn't turn their hearts,
May He turn their ankles
So you will know them by their limping.

Grace & peace to you,

I understand....its been a little over 16 months since my soulmate of 50 years departed. My life has been changed forever. I usually feel like an observer watching others live the life I used to live. Sometimes I join friends for lunch or dinner. Sometimes I may attend a concert or a play. Those are times I have found interesting and joyous but its like being a guest at a party. You feel special for awhile but when the party ends its back to being an observer again. Its an odd feeling. Even when my spouse was ill and unable to go to events with me I still always felt his presence...….and others reminded me constantly that I was not alone because they had grown so used to seeing us together that somehow he would always be included in the conversation.....and when I returned home he would  greet me at the door and seemed to hang on every word as I told him all about my outing. If it was a luncheon or dinner I had attended he always knew I would bring him something he liked off the menu. It was so much fun coming home because he was there. Now I enter the house and I miss seeing him looking out the window. I am getting used to the silence. I smile when I see our family and friends enjoying their lives and I sincerely pray that joy remains with them for a long time because this journey I am on now is not for the faint hearted. 


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