Born in the 40s or earlier

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Comment by leslie b on January 26, 2012 at 3:36pm

Can't shake the sadness lately. It's over 3 1/2 years now. You'd think I could shake it off. This is the longest I have felt this way since Rick passed away. I don't understand it. I stay active and try to think positive as those of you who have been here awhile know. I am not depressed as such, just extremely sad and don't see any future. I am tired of trying so hard. Is it the time of year or is this a common occurrence this many years in?

Comment by aprilov on January 26, 2012 at 2:14pm

Just "browsing" and your comments about rings hit home....my husband died in August 2010.  In August 2011, I decided to have our wedding bands, my engagement and anniversary rings made into one.....I love it...but I have a ring guard on it because I don't know which finger I want to wear it on...I'm treating it as a major decision!  Most of the time I wear it on my right forefinger.  I also bought a locket (took me almost a year to find the right one) in which I placed some ashes (super glued it so it won't open) - touching the locket helps me a lot....I'm going to a group support meeting for the first time tonite...I find that I am "relapsing"...also attending Camp Widow East.

Comment by leslie b on January 24, 2012 at 8:00pm

Good evening everyone. Nice to hear from you, Fiona and itaintme. I missed both of you here. I do get to keep in touch with you, Fiona on Facebook but somehow this is so much more intimate and feels like it's just for us. I was married in '64 and my wedding band was a wide gold ring. I keep it on a chain with my husband's. I wear them around my neck when I feel like I need the comfort. Even though I had the diamonds from my engagement ring made into a new ring last summer I could not bring myself to wear it on my third finger, left had. I had it made to fit the middle finger of that hand. It is quite a substantial ring and looks very nice on that finger. It has brought me great comfort. It is so funny how symbols can give such comfort. Itaintme, I love what that pastor said today. the pain does not heal, does it? We still can find some peace in the passing of time but I confess that after almost four years I really don't think I will ever get over losing him. I do tend to get very melancholy in the dead of winter anyway and this year seems to be particularly bad. I am waiting for spring to come. The sunshine, flowers and warmer weather always puts a spring in my step. I hope you are all having a good evening and I will go now until the next time.

Comment by itaintme on January 24, 2012 at 5:23pm

I attended a funeral today and the pastor stated that the pain does not heal, but that time puts it into perspective. How wonderful to hear that from the pulpit. I couldn't wait to get home to share that with all of you. We who have/are walking the walk know that; it was nice to receive affirmation.

Comment by grandmafi on January 24, 2012 at 4:31pm

Hello everyone .... I have just been catching up on your Posts.... I would like to say that those of you who live within a few miles of each other would gain so much by meeting in person occasionally .... I attended a 12 week bereavement counselling course 6 years ago and we still meet every month either for lunch or high tea and sometimes go to a show etc.... a couple of  years ago we went on a three day cruise together to celelbrate  Hogmanay ( new year ) and honestly ..... this group has been such a big part of my support network   Recently Owlbert and I met and he is going to come along to one of the lunches or Tea meetings ........ I think its Lesley B and Linda that live not too far from each other in Cananda and if I visit my sister in Ontario I will certainly try to meet them too .....a worl-wide network of US who can walk in each others shoes...... companions on such a soul destroying journey and we can offer support and understanding ... thank GOD for cyber and for those closer who can help each other to restore wholeness........and I saw the conversation on wedding rings..... I tried for a while to wear a dress ring on my wedding ring finger but it just didnt feel right at all .... I was married in 1967 and broad wedding bands were in fashion  .... think I should look for a replacement I had considered having it melted down and made  into something else but havent been motivated to do that yet.... actually thinking about it now I dont think I want to do that.... not sure ... when I decide you all will be the first to know lol ... and re. the clothing ..... I havent kept much .... a winter cozy jacket that drowns me  as I am only 4ft 11 but I keep it in the boot of the car in winter ... also ... for a very long time I wore Billy`s socks to bed ... again far to big  and only recently I threw them out  as they were washed  into threadbare rags .... oh and one scarf ...... I dont need these things to remember him by but there are times when I feel comforted by them ... memories are locked away in my heart.... neslted between litte folds of love that keep them safe and occasionally I unwrap then and take them out for a wee look .. or , sometimes , a song or  film etc can make them come out of their own accord..... we had two songs that were "our" songs.... one was "Save The Last Dance For me " ( Drifters) and the other was "Miss You Nights" ( Cliff Richard .... dont know if you accross the Pond folks will know him).... lots of other songs can trigger the memories but those two were our special ones....... cant remember who started thes topic... think it was you Brenda.... thanks for the memories... beautiful memories that I am very blessed to have ..... love and blessings  to all ...xx

Comment by nance on January 24, 2012 at 1:16am

Hello all! That's close, 7 miles, lvgma.  I am familiar with Spring Valley a bit as I have taken my dog to a kennel there a couple of times. I can't remember the name right now, but it's very good. He gets playtime and they even have a swimming pool there for the dogs, except he doesn't like to swim. Yes, I do sew, but it's been a while. I got rid of my sewing machine sometime back. Thanks for the information regarding sewing and bowling would be a consideration for me as well. Patty Sue, there is a woman in my Jazzercise class who also grew up here and raised her family here, etc. Her first name is Julie but I don't know the last name. It's her married name though, of course. Of course you must know too there are about 220,000 people here now. I'm in the Eastlake area. I like the old section of Chula Vista too, the downtown. It reminds me a bit of Mountain View, Calif. That was nice what you did regarding your husband's shirts. I still have some that I have thought of using to make a quilt with. I've never made a quilt before, but would like to. One of these days maybe. There were some people who would make quilts up for people who has lost their loved one through the bereavement group we had in NJ. You just had to supply them with material or clothing that you wanted used for the quilts. I just never got around to doing it. I think it's a wonderful idea. My husband and I too used to sit and hold hands watching television, etc. We had a reclining love seat we sat on together, and we used to go for walks together holding hands. I miss that very much. It helps to think of happy moments like those times.

Comment by Jackie (lvgma) on January 22, 2012 at 3:14pm

HI Nance I live may\ybe 7 miles from you.  Im in spring valley/san diego.  I belong to many groups to pass the time..  Do you sew?  There many ASG (American Sewing Groups)  by you. I also bowl on 2 leagues, anything to get off the couch and out of the house.  

Comment by Patty Sue on January 22, 2012 at 12:10am

Nance, small world. I grew up in Chula Vista. Was there when it only had 4000 people in it. I still have family there and visit fairly often, but live up in north county now.

I resewed two shirts of my husbands and actually have one on now. It makes me feel touched, physically, and I miss touch the most I guess. When I talk to people, most others topics about his death I can handle pretty well but that one can make me tear up pretty easily. I guess because we often held hands walking to and from a car or going to the movies, even just sitting on the couch at home watching TV.

Comment by job4348 on January 21, 2012 at 4:54pm

Hi everyone, Just had a lesson in how to post pictures. Thank goodness for grandkids.lol Does anyone else look at their picture and wonder who that person is? Feel like I'm not really in there now. I know can't escape from reality and the reality is thats me.  Brenda

Comment by leslie b on January 21, 2012 at 3:59pm

Wedding rings are indeed a symbol for all of us, aren't they? I can see that we all feel very deeply the loss of our spouses. My hope is that we all find a way to go forward and live productive lives in peace and contentment. I think we each have to find that in our own way just as we all have found different ways to deal with that symbol of our eternal love, our wedding rings. Have a wonderful weekend everyone.

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