Born in the 40s or earlier

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Comment by itaintme on April 15, 2012 at 6:55pm

In today's Chicago Tribune there was a review of two books. The reviewer, Julia Keller made a remark therein that resonated with me and I wanted to share it with all of you. "One wakes from sleep--and yes:  The beloved is still gone. The dream was just a dream. And the grim day lies in wait." I know we've all been there.

Comment by Jordan on April 15, 2012 at 12:08am

Susan B, thank you. After looking at the weeds and mess in the back yard this morning, I found myself studying an ad for fake grass! And that grape vine he trained over the gazebo, that needs constant pruning, and attracts wasps and raccoons when the grapes start to ripen, and leaves a big mess of squashed, rotting grapes and dead leaves. And the grapes aren't even good to eat. Hmm. A few things could change around here. And I'm almost ready. It's been 20 months, and I couldn't face changing anything that first year. But last month I finally cleaned out his underwear drawer. Maybe next month, the t-shirts? And I'm going to call the kid who cleaned the gutters about that back yard. Any day now! {{{Hugs}}} back to you.

Comment by Susan B on April 14, 2012 at 10:24pm

Maggie Gram--actually going to a new church nearer you will be a perfect occasion to make new friends! and maybe find people to do things with. Maybe they have a Widow's Group. Who knows? this may be a great change for you! :-)

Comment by Susan B on April 14, 2012 at 10:21pm

Linda K --it can be a trap to try to "do" things the same as our spouse used to. Spouses are usually different sorts of people, with different skill sets. I know I feel bad about letting the yard go from the neat way Keith used to keep it. I tried hiring a gardener but he had little knowledge and I got tired of paying him $30/hr to mow lawns! Now I think I'm going to take out my lawn and plant a low-water use landscape. WIll take some planning, but I will try to NOT beat myself up about how it looks in the meantime. If you DO decide to keep things "the same" remember that you are, in all likelyhood, a smaller and less muscular individual than your hubby. Take it slow, and try to do a little each day, rather than go all out in one or two marathon sessions. I tried at first to do it all, and ended up hurting my shoulder and back,  and it took months to get back into shape. We're not 20 anymore :-(      And its OK to make changes that make things easier to take care of. (((((((Linda)))))))

Comment by itaintme on April 14, 2012 at 5:59pm

Maggie gram, you are spot on -- it is their loss. I hope you can find a church nearer to you. I understand about gas prices. Crazy, aren't they? Just keep in touch with the grandchildren -- calls, cards, notes, etc. so they know you care and let time work its magic.

Comment by Maggie gram on April 14, 2012 at 5:30pm

I have been going to the church where my son goes but with the price of gas here, over $4 a gallon, I hesitate to drive all the way there. I am going to look for a church near me I think.  I know my son is going to back her up so I will just have to learn to live with the fact that they will not come to my house.  Oh, well, their loss.

Comment by itaintme on April 14, 2012 at 4:06pm

Maggie gram, sorry to hear you are having problems with your daughter-in-law. Could your son intervene and help? Surely they could come for a short visit, apartment or no. Is there anyone in your group you could go out and do things with? Do you have a church family? There are usually opportunities for "doing" things in a church family. Maybe you could find a place to do a bit of volunteer work on Mondays. I volunteer at our local hospice 3 hours a week. Just some thoughts. Hang in there, girl. Blessings and hugs to you.

Comment by Maggie gram on April 14, 2012 at 3:47pm

Why is it that everyone seems to know what is best for you better than you do.  My daughter-in-law says they can not bring their children over to see me because I live in an apartment and it is too hard for them because they have to be quiet and they don't have anything to play with.  I have toys for the baby and I have a Wii that the 9 year old could play with but that is neither here nor there.  Then she thinks I should get out of the apartment more.  Well I work for one think.  I work 12:30 pm to 9:00 pm so it is hard to do too much during the day and I work too late to do anything in the evening.  Plus I work Tuesday thru Saturday so can't do things on Friday or Saturday evening when most people do.  I get out and go to a group and I go out and get lunch sometimes just to get out.  Only problem is I have not one to do things with.  My friend, my only friend, works Monday - Friday and gets off at 4:00 pm and when we do make plans she doesn't show up so I am alone.  What else can I do?  I am going to try some "Meetups" and see what happens.

I am just upset about my daughter-in-law right now.  There is no reason why they couldn't bring the boys over and bring something for them to do.

Comment by Jordan on April 14, 2012 at 5:46am

Oh, leslie b, what a rough experience. Look how strong you are. You faced up to it, and went back again. Cheers and extra {{{hugs}}} for you.

Comment by leslie b on April 13, 2012 at 4:31pm

Hi Linda. Everybody has these days. Don't get down on yourself for the way you feel. Rick will be gone 4 years in June and I still have those days. That's probably not what you want to hear but I just want you to know that you are not alone. Most of the time I am fine. That's not to say that I would rather have my old life back but that can't be. We all have to find our own way. We still have to meet someday soon. Take care and hang in there.

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