Born in the 40s or earlier

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Comment by Max on June 17, 2012 at 8:34pm

Juliana, I think this fortune cookie will be more to your liking. Enjoy, Max.

Comment by Juliana on June 17, 2012 at 8:18pm

Thank you all so much.  I want to believe that what I'm experiencing is "normal" (NOT!).  It's just so weird.  My mother and I took my father to a Chinese Restaurant for Father's Day.  I hate fortune cookies and haven't open one since Ken's death.  He loved all oriental food.  My mom (with dementia) is like a 2 year old and bugs me about opening fortune cookies.  The fortune cookie said "You will meet an alien in the near future."  All I could think is, "After all of this I have to meet an alien too.  Everything is alien to me."  Needless to say, I won't be opening any other fortune cookies.

Comment by Paulak on June 17, 2012 at 7:38pm

Juliana , I think I heard someone call it brain fog..We all have it, whwtever its called..On another group I shared something Ive been grappling with for the past 3 years.A defination that described the way this whole situation has affected me..I called it re-programing..We have to reprogram how we must live our life from that day forward..Change our way of thinking and doing..Unlearn the we's and learn the me's..No more cooking or cleaning or doing anything for the two of us..No more sharing activities..conversations, playing cards..We have to go back to school and relearn how to live..Without the person we thought we would spend our whole life with..No more surprising them with their favorite treats or buying a shirt that would go beautifully with his blue eyes..Then we have to learn how to do the things he took care of around the house..we are still married in our hearts but life has messed up everything else..Forget holidays..Everybody has somebody , but you..Your special somebody isnt there.Over the past few years Ive seen the extra burdens that have been cropping up for widows and widowers..Sick parents, children..Losing a job, income..Having a huge repair bill (I had 3 of these).Added pressures dont make thing easier..We do get mechanical on many things..we are on overload..Ive put the butter in the dishwasher, the sugar in the refrigerator..Ive had to teach myself to laugh about it..Lighten up on yourself..Youve been thru what no one wants to go thru and have to face it alone..As far as 'Pity Parties ' are concerned..I still have an occasional one.......Remember the song ''It My Party and Ill Cry if I Want To?? We have all been thru a lot..We arent rookies..Noo one wants to trade places with us...One day at a time...we are still learning........Hugs and Blessings  Paulak

Comment by itaintme on June 17, 2012 at 3:00pm

Juliana, Max is right. Just too much on your plate at one time. We all have moments like that from time to time. Max, good thinking to get out of a pity party. This is a good day for those so we must be alert. I just heard "If Heaven Wasn't So Far Away" on the radio. I usually turn it off, but I listened today and managed not to go WAY down that road. Just sent up a bit of love.

Comment by Max on June 17, 2012 at 1:09pm

Juliana, When ever I have those moments I just stop and allow the item to find me, I did it the other day when I was making chili I lost my onion, found in in the skillet.  I went and took two capsules of Ginko and than I was sharp as a tack the rest of the day..

You just had to much on your plate at the time, being a caregiver and trying to recover from the loss of your spouse is a lot for anyone to carry.

I see you have a little doggy so if she/he is anything like mine the garlic in the drawer is not a bad idea, you won't have to worry about any fleas getting in.

 I was having my fathers day meal by myself kind of a pity party so I took my Scotty to the basement and gave her a bath and after that i took my own bath.  

Much better mood now it was nice to hear that you appreciated the message, I enjoy the site and it is really helping people through their loss.

Talk to you again, Max.

Comment by Juliana on June 17, 2012 at 12:25pm

Max, I appreciate the message of hope.  I can use a ton of them.  Right now, I'm operating at a mechanical level.  Yesterday, I was making a pot roast for my parents.  I peeled two garlic cloves to press and put in the roast.  I turned around and did something else.  Then I couldn't find the garlic cloves.  I peeled two more thinking I would surely find the others some day because they would get really stinky.  Later, when I was doing dishes, I opened up the utensil drawer and there were the two peeled garlic cloves.  I don't know what I did to lose them, but I do things like this all the time.  My mother, who has dementia, is living with me.  I though, I think I need a trip to the memory clinic to be tested.  She seems to be more in control of her senses than me.

Comment by Max on June 16, 2012 at 8:36pm

Hello Juliana,  I just joined the group last Wednesday, may we all help each other with dealing with the elevator ride.  Nothing like being able to relate with others when we have the up and down days.

 After two years of telling myself I had all the answers reality just came along and knocked me off of my feet again, some times well meaning people can say the d-------- things when they haven't lost their soul mate. Anyway things are getting better each day and this site has helped me regain my balance.

Comment by Susan B on June 16, 2012 at 7:00pm

Hi Juliana --welcome. Other groups you can read/join in on are about the circumstance of your loss: long-term illness, sudden death, widows with adult children,etc. There is even Women Only group for those 'delicate' discussions.There is a list up on the top bar under "Groups".

You can really find lots of folks dealing with very similar circumstances.

Comment by itaintme on June 16, 2012 at 6:41pm

Juliana, glad you found us. The commonalities are the beauty of this group.

Comment by Juliana on June 16, 2012 at 6:10pm

My goodness.  I didn't know that we had our own group.  I haven't explored much on the site.  Mainly I've been reading and commenting on the discussions.  Who ever would have thought that such a traumatic experience would help people see their commonalities.  I'm continuously amazed at the way others are expressing exactly what I'm feeling and experiencing.

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