Born in the 40s or earlier

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Comment by itaintme on June 18, 2012 at 10:53pm

Wonders and happiness are ahead. All in due time. Can't believe I've found them, but I'm glad that I have.

Comment by leslie b on June 18, 2012 at 9:16pm

Glad I could help, Juliana. It's a matter of putting one foot in front of the other. You will be fine. I am sure that one day when I need a shoulder to cry on you will be here for me. That's what makes this site so great. 

Comment by Juliana on June 18, 2012 at 9:11pm

Thank you, Leslie.  I think I just needed to tell someone who understands.  Four years, wow...I can't even think in terms of days.  It's very encouraging to hear the sound of reason coming from someone who understands the journey.  Oy vey.

Comment by leslie b on June 18, 2012 at 8:43pm

Juliana, what you are experiencing is perfectly normal. I have had many similar instances and I am sure everyone on here will tell you the same thing. It is all part of this process we call grieving. I really think it was a good idea to put up the new pictures as symbols of the new life ahead for you. I know it is not what you wanted (nor any of us here) but it is what we have and it sound like you have a good family to support you. That is wonderful. It has been over four years now that my husband passed away and I still have moments like you described but fewer and fewer. I will never forget him but I am trying very hard to get on with life and I know you will too. I believe that is the greatest way we can honour our loved ones.

Peace and love to you tonight.

Comment by Juliana on June 18, 2012 at 8:31pm

Oh my, just when I think I'm making headway another change comes.  Our oldest son, Ethan, and his wife, Rita, came down when they found out about Ken's brain death and imminent physical death.  They brought our Christmas presents with them.  One night, after being in the hospital all day, we came home and Ethan asked me to open one of the gifts.  It was a photo he had taken on one of their hikes.  It was a picture of a beautiful wild flower growing amid a mass of rocks.  Ethan said he didn't realize when he took it that it was going to represent my life from now on...the flower that shattered the stone.  I put it in the bedroom after taking down some of the gazillion pictures of Ken I had up.  Today, my sister sent me two beautiful pictures of sun rises she had taken.  I knew immediately what I had to do with them.  I had two pictures of Ken up.  One was a picture of him holding our corgi, Dewey, when the Dewman was a puppy.  He adored that dog.  The other was one of us kissing by the beach on his 70th birthday last July 18.  When I realized that I should replace those pictures with the pictures of the sunrises, I began weeping horribly.  I screamed out (no one else was home), "I'll never say goodbye to you, NEVER!!!  I tearfully took the pictures out of their frames and put in the sunrise pictures.  Now I feel like my heart is breaking all over again.  

Comment by Juliana on June 18, 2012 at 10:53am

I just set that fortune cookie as my desktop background.  I'll be constantly reminded that I'm moving toward a happy life. :))

Comment by Juliana on June 18, 2012 at 10:50am

Oh my, I love that fortune cookie.  That's what I'm working toward.  Thank you for sending it, Max.

Comment by itaintme on June 17, 2012 at 9:01pm

Juliana, how funny! Max, thanks for the better fortune cookie for her.

Comment by Max on June 17, 2012 at 8:34pm

Juliana, I think this fortune cookie will be more to your liking. Enjoy, Max.

Comment by Juliana on June 17, 2012 at 8:18pm

Thank you all so much.  I want to believe that what I'm experiencing is "normal" (NOT!).  It's just so weird.  My mother and I took my father to a Chinese Restaurant for Father's Day.  I hate fortune cookies and haven't open one since Ken's death.  He loved all oriental food.  My mom (with dementia) is like a 2 year old and bugs me about opening fortune cookies.  The fortune cookie said "You will meet an alien in the near future."  All I could think is, "After all of this I have to meet an alien too.  Everything is alien to me."  Needless to say, I won't be opening any other fortune cookies.

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