Born in the 40s or earlier

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Comment by Runnergirl on May 3, 2011 at 7:44pm

jacuser, Thank you for sharing. I would like to think that if you got through it once you can do it again. WIth this wonderful group you don't have to go through it alone. I just started this group also and already I am finding comfort. Keep asking for help when you need it. We are here for you.

Comment by jacuser on May 3, 2011 at 9:30am

Hi I am new to this group.  Have been reading your stories.  Thank you for sharing them with me.  It helps to know that I am not alone in this grief.  I lost 2 spouses.  Ten years ago my husband of 38 years was diagnosed with cancer and 8 weeks later he was dead.  We had a good marriage and had just bought a beautiful vacation home.  I was devastated and it took me a long time to be able to find joy in life again.  I met another wonderful man.  We dated for 4 years and fell in love.  We got married.  Life was good again.  Last October 26th we were swimming in Mexico when he suddenly started to struggle and he died in my arms.  These last 6 months have been a nightmare.  I cannot believe that I have to go through this again.  Someone asked me if I was sorry that I had opened myself up to another man only to have go through the pain of losing him.  I treasure the short time I had with him and I am very grateful that there were 2 men who loved me so much as I loved them.  I just hope that I am strong enough to get through this. 

I am in good health.  I am going to be 69 soon.  I, too, run.  Started after my first husband died.  Never ran a marathon but did do 2 1/2 marathons.  It is true that exercise makes one feel better.  Sometimes it is very hard to get out of bed as I don't sleep well because of flashbacks of my husbands death.  Enough rambling...thank you for allowing me to share my story.

Comment by franmcq on May 3, 2011 at 7:15am

I have a couple of reasons for not getting into another "committed" relationship: both could be considered selfish, but one is financial-if I were to re-marry, it would have to be someone "well-to-do" as I would lose some very important benefits that are important at our age!  Secondly, I do not want to go through this, again.  I have lived long enough to never say never, but I certainly have no intention to marry some one.  As for the saddest day, there is no particular one.  I was a 24/7 caregiver and we spent almost all of the last two years alone, together.  It is like losing your best friend, soul mate and job all at the same time.  I have two dogs that get hugs and kisses and fill my bed at night.  I miss the hugs the most and take every one offered to me.  Every day is sad, but it is getting easier one day at a time.  I am grateful for the two on line support groups that I have found...it is good to know that I am not "crazy".  Thank you all and bless you.

Comment by itaintme on May 3, 2011 at 6:35am

I've always found it better to go into the pain than to try to avoid it. For the most part I'm quite comfortable being in the house alone; (though I can't imagine how that would be without my dog) even on Sundays sometimes, but other times == I am so glad to have this understanding group.

Comment by Runnergirl on May 2, 2011 at 11:02pm

SUndays can be hard. I used to schedule my time that I was away from the house most of the time. I think sometimes I was "running away" from the grief. I'm getting used to be alone in my house. It takes time but I can't be putting off the pain; otherwise it will just accumulate ad get worse in the long run. I really value this group where I can express myself in a safe environment and someone understands me. Thanks everyone!!!

Comment by leslie b on May 2, 2011 at 9:32pm

I find Sundays hard too, itaintme. I really miss a human touch as well. Never realized how much you need that until I didn't have it. I have thought about what if I found someone and lost them too. It certainly makes you think. I really don't want that pain again.Then, maybe life is about taking chances. Men our age seem to want younger women anyway. I think I would be open to a relationship if the right man and situation came along. Don't know what my kids would think though. I am sure they would be supportive but you never know.

Comment by itaintme on May 2, 2011 at 9:20pm

I've not had any relationships. I don't know if I will, or if I even want to, but I do know that I sure do miss hugs. @runnergirl talked about a failed relationship; has anyone else thought that they don't want to have another relationship because they don't ever want to be widowed again? Do you all have a day that's saddest for you? It's Sunday for me. I go to church and Sunday School and that's wonderful, but then I come home to my dog and an otherwise empty house. I have a Sunday routine, but somehow Sunday afternoons and evenings are just very lonely times.

Comment by leslie b on May 2, 2011 at 5:37pm

I also have met some wonderful friends since my husband died. Just wish it could have been for a different reason. I realized last week that I actually am happy again but that is not to say I don't miss Rick every day. I really wish things had turned out differently but they didn't and I have to move on with my life. Thanks for your thoughts on relationships. It is very helpful to hear everyone's opinion and experience.

Comment by jansailaway on May 2, 2011 at 4:49pm

Started dating someone exactly 1 year and 1 day after husband died.  We dated for a year and I broke it off - he wanted more serious commitment than I am ready for.  Also am not willing to "settle" for anything less than fulfilling!  I don't mind being alone enough to do that.  Certainly not closing my options to finding that, but if it doesn't happen, I will still live every day enjoying life as best I can.

Comment by Runnergirl on May 2, 2011 at 4:01pm

I found serious relationships great, while they were "working." But when they became unfulfilling, it was very frustrating. I think it is better to be alone than to be in an unfulfilling relationship. The break up is so painful-It's like grieving double, once for your husband and once for your friend. I certainly don't want to discourage you from dating. It has taught me a lot about what kind of person I want to spend my time with. I wouldn't wish death on anyone but I have made some wonderful friends through my grief.

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