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Born in the 40s or Earlier

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Born in the 40s or Earlier

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Members: 220
Latest Activity: Dec 10

Discussion Forum

Unfortunately finding myself here

Started by InsideLove Oct 21. 0 Replies

My husband died on Aug 28, unexpectedly..I have a grief counselor- her husband passed away at 47 years of marriage too and so, she traveled this path. I do have a grief group, 4 widows 1 widower.…Continue

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Comment by Faolan on March 26, 2017 at 9:50am
I had chest pain, the GP suggested it was "indigestion", it wasn't, and for a while I honestly thought, like my late older sister, I would follow him fairly quickly. Fortunately it passed, broken heart syndrome is genuine, and doctors need to wise up to it. It's mothers day here, today, and I am alone, but I just keep telling myself it's just another day.
Comment by Alexandra on March 26, 2017 at 9:42am

feelinglonely ~ I've been pretty disgusted with some of my doctors. After Dave's death, I had all kinds of problems, (I'm also pretty healthy) and went to numerous doctors (I was at my daughter's in Florida and away from my doctor in Tx). They tried to help but my anxiety and heart palpitations just kept on, and they started dismissing me when they knew it was grief. Then I got back to TX and thought my regular doctor would have some suggestions. He just told me to get a hold of myself!!! I am not stupid, I knew the grief was causing so much, but that statement told me he was 1) a jerk and 2) he was not the doctor for me:). I expected compassion and got impatience. As time has gone by, the symptoms have abated, but I'm still disgusted at how some doctors feel grief is not a reason for physical ailments. PS I did see a counselor and she helped the most...tears, tears, tears. You are not alone in your grief and sorrow and ailments. Cling to us and we will be here for you. Sending love

Comment by catapan on March 26, 2017 at 9:39am

A quick response - and I don't mean to be trite.

You are NOT alone.    You have YOU.     Remember what your husband would be telling you right now: "If you can promise me anything, promise me that whenever you're sad, or unsure, or you lose complete faith, that you'll try to see yourself through my eyes."

love and hugs from Catapan

Comment by feelinglonely on March 26, 2017 at 9:24am

Everyone--thanks for your support.  It's just so hard to do this all alone.  When my husband was sick, I went with him to every appt.  Never thought it would come to this for me--I was always a pretty healthy person.  I really believe that stress and lonliness has a lot to do with it.  Now, every day something else goes wrong--seems all I do is go to doctors who keep telling me to relax, calm down, dont worry so much---Nobody gets it unless they've walked in the same shoes on the same path.    Thank God for this site and the knowledge that I am not alone---I never thought this is how I would wind up--68 years old and alone,

Comment by Maggie on March 26, 2017 at 5:33am
I haven't been here in awhile, but I had some thoughts. My husband too died in July of '13 and I just turned 70, as well, so I understand now at almost 4 years, the aging thing is more of a focus in my mind than the original grief. So far, I'm healthy, but that can change in a heartbeat, as we all know. The grief is now mixed with longing and remembering the past, not just with my husband, but my early happy childhood and my parents, my working years that was fun and where I met my husband, our marriage and our eventual retirement. He got to enjoy 11 years of retirement, but it wasn't all good for him....long story, not just health. So many memories and longings and now I face the past ever receding more each day and the future coming closer and closer. While I still keep busy and I'm settled in my new life, which included a total move and change, I know at bottom line, I am alone! And I will grow ever older alone. A few friends, but no children and only one brother left, who is older and ill. I recognize we all get to this point someday and in many different ways. It's no longer all about the loss of my husband only, but time moving on whether we like it or not. I find this feeling unsettling and as a person I knew said, "you're in the short rows now."
Comment by Faolan on March 26, 2017 at 3:12am
Hope, as a fellow Sciatica sufferer you have my sympathy, it can be the worst kind of pain, my doctor prescribes Co Codamol, the strongest ones, the Amytriptiline went into the bin when it put excess weight on me and affected my liver. To the ones facing surgery or recovering from it, please get well soon.
Comment by elaine on March 25, 2017 at 8:38pm

Feeling lonely and Barzan,  best wishes to you both for your upcoming surgery and recovery.  Hope, I feel as you do, very anxious when I wake up, it is the worst time of the day for me.  I have some medical tests coming up, the doctor thinks I may have an enlarged thyroid, but this lump in my throat could just be anxiety.  I was 68 when Cliff died, now I am 72 and beginning to realize that some of my problems are probably age related and not only grief.  I was born  in England and left when I was 25, and have lived in Canada ever since, but somehow now that my anchor here has gone (Cliff) I think often of England and am not sure where I belong.  Every day I try to think of everything I have to be grateful for and for my lovely friends.  I watch for your posts too and follow everyone on this very difficult journey. 

Comment by Hope on March 25, 2017 at 7:50pm

I am turning 70 next week. It is also my wedding anniversary. He was the best present I could ever wish for. Alexandra, I appreciated what you said about this group as we struggle with our grief but at the same time we are dealing with what it means to grow old and often alone. I too felt young until Ken died July of 2015. Now I think about facing old age and knowing the best years are behind me. That's not to say I don't have hope for good days and there are friends and family  in my life that I love very much. Its just so bittersweet that so much of what I cherished most is behind me. I am really trying to find out who I am now. So much of my identity was wrapped up with my love and also my work. I retired 10 days before he died. We had these great plans for our golden years. Every day I wake with a certain anxiety about what I want to do with my life going forward. Do any of you feel this way? I pray for something that will ignite some passion in my life. I am believing it will come. Feelinglonely and Barzan I am thinking of you with your surgeries. May you have an easy recovery. I have been in a lot of pain the last week with sciatia in my backside and down my leg. I will likely see a doctor on Monday. I've been nursing it and taking Advil.  Where do all of you live? I live outside of Chicago in a little town called Woodstock Illinois. Blessings and prayers to all of you

Comment by Hope on March 25, 2017 at 7:50pm

I am turning 70 next week. It is also my wedding anniversary. He was the best present I could ever wish for. Alexandra, I appreciated what you said about this group as we struggle with our grief but at the same time we are dealing with what it means to grow old and often alone. I too felt young until Ken died July of 2015. Now I think about facing old age and knowing the best years are behind me. That's not to say I don't have hope for good days and there are friends and family  in my life that I love very much. Its just so bittersweet that so much of what I cherished most is behind me. I am really trying to find out who I am now. So much of my identity was wrapped up with my love and also my work. I retired 10 days before he died. We had these great plans for our golden years. Every day I wake with a certain anxiety about what I want to do with my life going forward. Do any of you feel this way? I pray for something that will ignite some passion in my life. I am believing it will come. Feelinglonely and Barzan I am thinking of you with your surgeries. May you have an easy recovery. I have been in a lot of pain the last week with sciatia in my backside and down my leg. I will likely see a doctor on Monday. I've been nursing it and taking Advil.  Where do all of you live? I live outside of Chicago in a little town called Woodstock Illinois. Blessings and prayers to all of you

Comment by Alexandra on March 25, 2017 at 6:46pm

Hi to both Barzan and Feelinglonely (and everyone), best wishes to both of you in both the surgery and the recovery. I look to this site quite often even when there is no posts. I look at your profiles and see where you are from and if you have a picture of you and maybe your loved one. I also belong to the widowed in 2016 forum, but as time goes by, I feel closer to this group because of our ages. Everyone here knows what it is like to lose that part of you AND be dealing with the issues of health and aging. I always felt young when I had Dave but now I am very aware of the passing of time and my ride of this river of life. I am closer and closer to the ocean. Not bad but still, you all understand. Thanks for being here. Hugs, Alexandra

 

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