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Born in the 40s or Earlier


Born in the 40s or Earlier

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Members: 220
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Discussion Forum

Unfortunately finding myself here

Started by InsideLove Oct 21. 0 Replies

My husband died on Aug 28, unexpectedly..I have a grief counselor- her husband passed away at 47 years of marriage too and so, she traveled this path. I do have a grief group, 4 widows 1 widower.…Continue

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Comment by barbee on May 26, 2017 at 7:45pm

This Memorial Day weekend I'd like to say "THANK YOU for your service" to those of you who served in the military. If your mate, child, sibling, parent, or other loved one served, thank you to you too because in many ways you also served.

My daughter was in the Army for ten years, actively during the first Persian Gulf War. She came home very changed. I know others have experienced even more anguish than we have. My husband wanted to go when his number came up for the Vietnam War, but he had broken his back in high school football and it never healed well.

As those of us in this age group age and move along our individual pathways, I pray we never forget the sacrifice families have made and continue to make to try to maintain peace. And, although they are not usually included in Memorial Day anything, I pray for the police officers and firemen who work so hard to keep us safe. Grief and caring have many faces.

Comment by Jim on May 18, 2017 at 5:56am

Hi Hope. My spouse died unexpectedly August 2015.   I cry when thnking of those last four days before she died.Yes.  I function pretty well, too...but weep inside whenever I think of her.  And yes...I feel lost a lot of time.  I don't know who I am cause she had become such a huge part of me and I feel as if I lost a part of me..I use to be a goal oriented person, but at a loss in the absence of goals.  Am slowly finding myself, but its lonely without her.  

Comment by Hope on May 17, 2017 at 2:44pm

Oh my jas I know the feeling. My stepson who we raised together stopped talking to me for no apparent reason except I think he was dealing with his own grief and couldn't bear to talk to me. I sobbed so much over that. It was like I was mourning for my husband and my stepson. For a while I couldn't find a way to see the grandchildren but now I do see them and he is polite but its not the same. It was about 6 months before he came around.  Family dynamics change with death. My stepdaughter is good about keeping in touch by phone. She doesn't live near here. My husband died July 2015 very suddenly. I function pretty well but I still carry a lot of sadness and I still cry often. Its lonely without him. I just turned 70. I am finding that growing older without my husband is sooo hard. I feel lost a lot of the time. Sometimes I feel like the song, Is that all there is?

Comment by Barzan on May 17, 2017 at 2:19pm

Dearest Jas,  Your story broke my heart.  My deepest condolences on the loss of your husband.  Not only are you grieving his passing, you are also confronted with his kids choice to absent themselves totally from your life.  I'd say they may not have recovered from the loss of their mother but it appears they chose to refuse to move on and open themselves to a woman who loved their father and was willing to step into the roll of a mother figure.  It sadly is their great loss.  You sound like a loving and caring person. 

Just remain gracious should you be in their company and perhaps they will come to their senses.  We can only hope.  It is a blessing that you have good friends who are there for you.  Right now, you will have to take each day as it comes and find you new normal along the way.

I, too, was alone on Mother's Day but my reasons are very different.  My daughter-in-law is battling breast cancer and just finished her last chemo session this past Friday.  I saw them Saturday at our niece's college graduation party so they acknowledged Mother's Day with flowers for me.  I wanted Mother's Day to be all about her because for me, every day is Mother's Day.  

My husband has been gone nearly 6 years but still seems like yesterday.  I miss him with all my heart but have learned my new normal as the years went by.  Stay strong and please come to this site as often as you need.  We are all here for each other.

Comment by jas71188 on May 17, 2017 at 6:50am

MOTHER'S DAY was a tough one for me.  I was a step mother for 30 years, to 5 adult children.  I got along  fine with the step sons & middle daughter but the youngest & oldest daughter I had problems with.  This was a highly dysfunctional family.  My husband & I got a long really well & as long as we stayed in our "bubble" everything was great.  The minute the girls entered our day to day life, it was chaos & drama.  He was a widow when I met him. I became a target for 2 of his 3 daughters.  The middle girl & I got along well & we loved & respected one another.  


My husband would routinely awake before me & on special days, such as Mother's Day, our wedding anniversary, etc., I would go out to the kitchen to have my first cup of coffee & would find a lovely card from him - without exception.  He was so good about things like that.  He died 08/08/2016 so this was my first Mother's Day without him.  Thanksgiving & Christmas I was surrounded by many caring friends, etc.  I didn't seem to have any serious problem those days.  I don't have any biological children & mostly, I’m OK with that.  Sunday was very rough for me.  I took myself out to dinner & it did help.  But I though it was weird.  I no longer talk to his children - although I did have a conversation with his youngest step son.  That was primarily for closure on my part & it went OK.  The good news is I no longer have the drama & chaos in my life that seemed to be such a part of it when my husband was alive & for that, I am very grateful.  But chaos & drama aside, regardless of my relationship with those kids, they were in my life for over 30 years & it does seem strange at times that they are gone.  I do not contact them because for some reason, unknown to me, they dislike me intensely.  I bear them no ill will, just wish them a happy future & peace.  That's all i want in my life.  


I'm adjusting as best I can & I'm doing my best to move forward.  I really appreciate this web site.  I did do a   grief group the first 4-5 months after his passing, but it was a mixed group & I didn't feel comfortable sharing certain things.  It seemed to lose some of its effectiveness after a while as we all had different general lifestyles.  But it did help initially.  I have a solid support system in place & am extremely fortunate & grateful - but it's still very challenging.  It's not easy being 71, having to work, being alone for the first time in my adult life.  It's turned into a life of maintenance for the most part.  I don't plan on getting married again.  I just don't see it.  But I do plan on having a life.  I'm just trying to find my way.  Thank you for listening to me :-)


Comment by Okbobbo on May 14, 2017 at 12:36pm
Today I honor the Mother of my children. Laura's love of family was exceptional. She showed over the course of her life that the love of a mother surpasses all others. As much as I loved her, I come second to the life of sacrifice she bestowed on our children. Some things need more than being Said. They deserve to be shouted. "LAURA, YOU WERE AN AWESOME MOTHER!"
Comment by barbee on May 14, 2017 at 12:01pm

Today is Mother's Day. I am blessed to have three children, seven grandchildren, a great-granddaughter and another one due any day. I get to see most of them a few times a year; however, none of them this day, this year. Whether you are a mother or not, I hope you can remember or be remembered by someone you love.

Comment by Barzan on May 10, 2017 at 2:49pm

Joan, glad you are doing as well as you are.  Yes, it is far more difficult without our spouse and I thought of that nearly daily in the first 3 weeks post-op.  I'm confronted with many things in my life that confirm that having my husband around would have made each situation more easy.  Not for us to choose, sadly.  But knowing that he is always close by residing in my thoughts and my heart provided a modicum of comfort. 

Please keep us posted on your recovery.  Have a blessed day.


Comment by feelinglonely on May 10, 2017 at 8:25am

Hi Everyone

Had my total hip replacement surgery on April 25th.  Spent 1 1/2 days in the hospital, then to rehab for 8 days.  Coming home was a real adjustment due to the restrictions.  Saw the surgeon on Monday.  They gave me ultrasound of both legs, top and bottom to make sure no clots were forming, x-ray to make sure the implant was where it was supposed to be and it was.  The dermbond tape was removed and they said it looked good--so I am on the bend.  Started physical therapy, using walker and a cane.  Have lots of stairs so I have to be careful.  Just so happy to be home, but thinking about how different it would have been if my hubby was here--but, he is not so I have to do whatever I can to keep recuperating.

Barzan---glad you are doing well.  I hear knee replacement is a million times worse.  Thanks for your prayers.

Im a bit tired, but I will try to check in every few days,  Stay well my friends!

Comment by laurajay on May 10, 2017 at 5:39am

 FYI   Joan is on the mend   and I'm sure she will post here   when she can.  Thought  you'd all like to know.


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