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Born in the 40s or Earlier

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Born in the 40s or Earlier

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Members: 220
Latest Activity: Nov 12

Discussion Forum

Unfortunately finding myself here

Started by InsideLove Oct 21. 0 Replies

My husband died on Aug 28, unexpectedly..I have a grief counselor- her husband passed away at 47 years of marriage too and so, she traveled this path. I do have a grief group, 4 widows 1 widower.…Continue

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Comment by Don on September 21, 2017 at 4:40pm

Add a Discussion

Should widows who live alone, learn how to use a defensive weapon and take a course to obtain a permit to carry one ?

Comment by elaine on September 21, 2017 at 11:13am

Ceilya, good post.  I feel very grounded and peaceful when I go home to England.

Enjoy your weekend at your cabin in the mountains, it sounds delightful.

Comment by ceilya on September 21, 2017 at 10:42am

Frank you are so right.  Grief is just that grief.   Grief has no age or no time frame.  I do hope Beloved Peach you continue to come to whichever site you feel most comfortable sharing with.  Just like Frank I was born in NY in the Buffalo area and lived between Buffalo and Utica until after high school and have lived in California since.  But I go back every year to visit family and friends.  It is the place in my life where I feel grounded and peaceful.  I leave a lot of my pain here because I know I can be honest and not judged.   Hope all of you have a great weekend.   I am heading out of town to my little cabin in the mountains.  Not as high as you are Frank.  I am only at 8,000 feet.   Take care and as I do every time I have the opportunity to get on here thank all of you for being here for me when there isn't anyone that understands or wants to hear it all any longer.   Ceilya 

Comment by MFARM on September 21, 2017 at 10:30am

Elaine, yes I read Option B.  I found it a well written book. However, not much of this person's situations applied to me except we both lost loving husbands.  Her husband died suddenly whereas I was a caregiver for some time. She had a lot of friends and family in her own family and generation for support where at my age and being an only child I had  to make new friends. My children although they don't live nearby are independent and were wonderful help. She on the other hand had young children totally dependent on her. Also she did after time find it possible to move on to a new relationship. So far after five years I have a lot of great friends, men and woman. However I still am not interested in anyone but the wonderful husband I had for almost 54 years. Right after my husband died I did find the book  "Widowed" by Dr. Joyce Brothers to be incredibly helpful right after my husband died. I passed it on to another widow and she couldn't put it down until finished and then wanted her own copy.

Comment by elaine on September 21, 2017 at 9:42am

Totally changing the subject, but has anyone read "Option B"?

Also, check out www.optionB.org.  Good read.

Comment by Don on September 21, 2017 at 9:33am

Personally; my marriage was my idea of heaven on earth.   I probably would have croaked in my 60's if I had not seen my Angel sitting in my Zoology lecture class.   She was So good that several of my friends and neighbors would remind me that that she was an Angel.  ( i knew that). We were married 61 years before she suddenly died the day of having knee replacement surgery.    I'll never get over it but I have learned  to live with it.  

She was my Very Best Friend and did the best at everything she ever attempted;  and ran our home like the CEO of  a highly  profitable corporation.     I will always miss her until we meet again .    But that does not rule out the possibility of another good relationship to help each other to enjoy the remainder of life.

Comment by only1sue on September 21, 2017 at 4:22am

Frank you are a wise man - nuff said.

Comment by Frank on September 20, 2017 at 10:17pm

Hi All,

I'd like to say a few things, and then I'll go to the back of the room, sit in the corner, and be quiet.

Susan and I met on a blind date.  We, unknown to the other, agreed to meet at a common friend's home to check each other out.  I was on active duty in the navy. She stuck  her head around the corner with a U top on, and I was instantly hooked.  We went out that night with our friends and had a wonderful time. We started dating, became friends, and became best friends.  When the navy sent me orders our of state I knew she was "the one" and proposed.  To my surprise she said yes, and thus began wonderful 35 years of marriage.

I've often heard that marriage is an "institution."  But, never slavery. If that's the case then "I" believe it is spousal abuse and the abused should leave the marriage.

There was one time though... The night I retired after 20 years in the Navy, Susan and I went out for dinner. The next night we were all sitting around the table when out of the blue, Susan said "So, now that you are retired, what are you going to do?"  I didn't hesitate, I immediately replied.." Well I did my 20, I figure it's your turn."   The kid's forks froze in the air, instant silence occurred, the dogs left the room.. the atmosphere was tense, I got THE LOOK that every male learns.  You get it first from your mother and that look (it must be practiced mother/daughter to perfection) it tells the male to carefully consider his next words... And I said, "I think I'm going to enroll in the university and make my hobby my career and my career, my hobby." With those words everything was again right with the world.

When I first joined WV I looked at the groups, and just naturally requested membership in the groups I felt I applied to me.   It never occurred to me to join in a different group.  I immediately joined the 40's and older, the 2012 group, later the military group, and even later the Sudden death group.  All pertained to me.

That being said, I see absolutely nothing wrong in someone identifying with any group and joining it.  There are some exceptions, I doubt I would fit in the "Ladies only" group, etc. My long hair would pass, but my voice would give me away!

In my grief group that I regularly attend, the group became very large.  Folks have different niches that they fit into.  In my (early) 70's, my kids are in their 40s, all three are boys, and none have married yet.  I've sat in my groups meetings in wonder and absolute amazement as younger widows and widowers speak of trying to come to grips with their grief and raise everything from newborns to kids in their terrible teens.  My heart goes out to them and I hold them in awe.  I don't see how they do it and stay sane. I don't see how they can grieve and still hold it all together and be there for their children and hold a job, or two, or three at the same time.

The grief group split apart into a night for the younger group, and another night for the "older" group.  The older group has far different concerns than the younger group, and yet they both have the same concerns such as the pain, the pain of loss, the destruction of their identity and so on.  So we now have a young group night, an older group night, and a night where we all meet together.

That's my best Dennis Miller

I think its time to "take five."


Hugs to all,

Frank

  

Comment by Maggie on September 20, 2017 at 6:06pm
Yes Thank you ...kindness always wins out in the long run
Comment by Morgana (Janet) on September 20, 2017 at 6:03pm

Thank you Soaring Spirits for saying that. 

 

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