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Born in the 40s or Earlier

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Born in the 40s or Earlier

Groups are a place to connect with others you have something in common with. Please get acquainted here and make friends anywhere on the site.

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Members: 230
Latest Activity: 19 hours ago

Discussion Forum

First post - Aloha

Started by bellgamin. Last reply by Cee Sep 26. 4 Replies

My  first post. Aloha from Hawaii. I was born in 1930 when (as they say) dinosaurs roamed the streets of Honolulu.My wife, Imiko, & I had been married for 56 years when she died of cancer. She…Continue

Joining seven weeks after my wife's death

Started by Neush. Last reply by DIVA70 Aug 25. 7 Replies

We seem to have been blessed.  We had a long (43 years) and happy marriage, jobs that we both enjoyed, two daughters and four grandchildren that live nearby, a home and neighborhood we enjoy.  We…Continue

Unfortunately finding myself here

Started by InsideLove. Last reply by Summergirl Feb 28. 6 Replies

My husband died on Aug 28, unexpectedly..I have a grief counselor- her husband passed away at 47 years of marriage too and so, she traveled this path. I do have a grief group, 4 widows 1 widower.…Continue

Joining the Club that no one wants to belong to...

Started by EarthSpirit (Carol). Last reply by EarthSpirit (Carol) Feb 27. 5 Replies

I am new to Soaring Spirits and this particular group. I find myself here as a result of my beloved husband Ralph’s passing on October 5, 2017. It seems like a lifetime ago, although only 4 months.…Continue

Comment Wall

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Comment by EarthSpirit (Carol) 19 hours ago

Faolan, thank you for your kind words and reassurance, they mean a lot. Aside from the loneliness, it’s sad to feel there’s nothing to look forward to. Like someone here wrote recently, ‘my life has no style.’ Like most, we loved the Holiday season and In 2016 spent 5 days in Washington DC. We had plans to return in Dec. 2017. I know I’ll do better this year than last (only 2 months in). Ralph would want me to put my best effort into it, and i’ll do it for him. Thank you again :-)

Comment by Faolan yesterday

Carol, it is a mere 13 months into your journey, of course your grief is still very raw. We can all relate to it. Time needs to pass and take with it the edge off your pain. You have my reassurance that it Will get better, you will eventually come to terms with your fairly new state of being, and learn to live with your loss. Just let the tears come, they bring healing. Be Blessed.

Comment by EarthSpirit (Carol) yesterday

Laurajay, I can relate so well to your earlier post about special occasions piling up, one after the other. I lost my husband on Oct. 5, 2017; his birthday is Oct. 10th. And today, November 18th, is what would have been our 29th anniversary. Next comes Thanksgiving, then Christmas. I’ve been so weepy the last few days...and don’t see any sign of it letting up soon. I have plans with friends through all of it, but the sadness is overwhelming when I’m alone. Peace to all here...

Comment by laurajay yesterday

While  we at  70+  can still "go"  and  "do"  things are changed  but still  full of hope  and  victory.....It is  the  ebbing  of time  that  quietly  and  slowly  dims  our  abilities  almost  imperceptibly until we notice  things  are truly  different  and  we  can  never  bring  back  our  capable  youth.  Our  ability  to "go"  and "do"  lessens.  You can deny it  and laugh at it  for some time saying  I'll worry about it when it happens  but unless  we die well  and suddenly the reality is that  we do need to think about  accommodations  before  we are in an emergency  situation.   I read  in a book  about  aging  that suggests  we  do as much as we can for  as long as we can.  It's  the way not  to let  age  dictate  how long  we will live.  Sounds  good to me.  Sticking our  head  in the sand  in total  ignorance  or avoidance  of the inevitable  seems  to hold  little wisdom.   Balance  in  our considerations  is  not  quite  so easy.    I do believe  the human  spirit  has an innate quality  to breathe  life  until that last  breath is  taken.   Even  when  and if  health  wanes,  poverty robs  and  secret  loneliness  provides little  to no comfort- within  us  is always  a  spark that  when  yielded to brings  some creative  newness  to our  lives.  That  alone  is  well  worth  being  silent  long  enough  to remember...because  we have  lived  long  enough  to know  it's  true.  And  nothing  rings  sweeter  than  truth  where  life  is  concerned.   Oldest has  the privilege of  the  most  wisdom not  always  but  more  often  than not...Blessings  to you this  day dear friends.

Comment by Frank yesterday

Hi Sue,

I found it very very hard to be alone when Susan passed.  My children came up to stay with me and for the two weeks that they stayed, things were not so bad. There people in the house talking, sleeping, snoring, and then they wanted to eat so I was cooking meals.  Two weeks later, they got in their cars and drove off.  I stood on the deck and waived goodbye, watched them drive off.  I walked into the home and everything came crashing down on me. It was as if it were the first day that Susan died.  It all came rushing back on me. There was no one to hold me no one to talk to me. I was completely and utterly alone.

Six years later when my children come to visit, their departures are still bitter sweet. It's not the same dramatic crushing loss or loneliness, but there is a tug as they leave.  I go into town about once  a month.  I take my shopping list and list of stores and items I need that I've made during the month.  I leave early, around 0800 and get into town around 1000.  When I'm done shopping, usually around 1600, I stop a a restaurant and have a nice meal.  Generally by the time I'm done eating, its around 1800 or so and I drive home getting there about 2200. It usually takes me about an hour to empty the truck, then I have to put the foods in the freezer or refrigerator and its nearly midnight when I sit down and turn the TV on.  I'll have a glass of milk and some cookies and then go to bed. 

The meal is something I've decided that I will do to treat myself.  It's nice to have someone cook a nice meal for me for a change.  It kind of refreshes me.

Hugs

Frank

Comment by Don yesterday

Laura jay:  I empathize with you.  .   kWish you lived here so we could talk .

Comment by laurajay yesterday

Bonnie/Sue.   Nights  are the pits.  I feel like a broken  record so forgive  me  for my repetitions.  I'm  tired  of them, too. I do have many blessings  and I am grateful but  it gets  so much harder  as I grow older.  Health  and money  concerns  are  all too real.  I still have so many  ideas  and  things  I enjoy  doing  but  being  old and alone  there  are those necessary  things  that must  be  done first and  with  less money  I can no longer do them and cannot  afford  a handyman-  frustrates  me  because  my  life  style  has  no style now at all.  I am at the mercy  of my body and  how  it  feels  each day.   A budget  that puts me  a little in the red each  month.  Time flying by  and  struggling  to  make the most  of  life  everyday.  That  wonderful  husband  with  his freely  given  nurture  and  encouragement is not here and not  coming  home  again.  I understand  death  and  grief  in my mind  but my  heart  is  lost  with  wanting  him  nearby..to  touch  and  taste  and smell  and listen to and  see...all senses  long  for  the  secret  familiar  that  was  ours  for so many  decades.  At times  I cannot  bear to  think  on it because  wanting  him  is  a hunger  that  cannot  filled and a thirst that can  not  be assuaged!  And  I have not  been able  to acquire  anyone  who  has his  ability  to "put out the  trash" every  week.  I no longer  drag  nor lift  anything heavy.,   Tiny  secondary  losses  resulting in  constant  changes. I wander  and I wonder.  I don't  think about  his  death  beyond  knowing  people  can  just die with  no  reason any time.  Between  mid  Dec  and  mid  Feb  I again will  face  his  BD,  Christmas, NewYear's,  our  wedding  anniversary,  my  BD  and  Valentine's  Day.  Mostly  our  nearness to one another  each night  has ended-a nearness  on which  I thrived.  It  grounded  me and thereby freed me  to live knowing  the " constant" in  life--love.  That is  gone.  Life is almost  beyond  challenge...yet  I keep on  keeping  on...as I know many of  you do  as well. I've  rambled  enough.... 

Comment by Bonnie yesterday

Sue, I completely understand.  Some days I also think I am having a harder time as time goes by—those are the really hard ones.  Other days I realize that I am forgetting myself for hours at a time and stay busy and in the moment all day long until I come home and face the long evening alone.  TV has been a good distraction but there are those nights and weekends  like the one you describe.  I don’t know—I think at times that I am just waiting, waiting for something but I don’t know what, sort of like waiting for Santa Claus or the Good Fairy Godmother to make me o.k. and make me happy again.  I know rationally how silly that is but it’s there nevertheless.  And Laurajay is right—this journey is a lot more and so different from what the books on grief say.  I’ve found more help here than in most of them.

Comment by only1sue on Saturday

I just hate Saturday nights alone. I can find plenty to do during the day but tonight I spent three hours trying to find something to watch on TV and getting more and more frustrated. I don't really like going out at night alone but maybe if I can have an early evening meal out somewhere and get home before dark a couple times a month I can convince myself I actually have a life. I think it is getting harder to live alone as the years go by.

Comment by WEROK on October 1, 2018 at 7:50pm

Cee, I can’t reply to your email but I do want to hear from you. I don’t have your direct email.

 

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