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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

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Born in the 40s or Earlier

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Born in the 40s or Earlier

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Members: 227
Latest Activity: on Monday

Discussion Forum

Joining seven weeks after my wife's death

Started by Neush. Last reply by Widow2015 Apr 7. 6 Replies

We seem to have been blessed.  We had a long (43 years) and happy marriage, jobs that we both enjoyed, two daughters and four grandchildren that live nearby, a home and neighborhood we enjoy.  We…Continue

Unfortunately finding myself here

Started by InsideLove. Last reply by Summergirl Feb 28. 6 Replies

My husband died on Aug 28, unexpectedly..I have a grief counselor- her husband passed away at 47 years of marriage too and so, she traveled this path. I do have a grief group, 4 widows 1 widower.…Continue

Joining the Club that no one wants to belong to...

Started by EarthSpirit (Carol). Last reply by EarthSpirit (Carol) Feb 27. 5 Replies

I am new to Soaring Spirits and this particular group. I find myself here as a result of my beloved husband Ralph’s passing on October 5, 2017. It seems like a lifetime ago, although only 4 months.…Continue

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Comment by itaintme on July 16, 2011 at 11:06am
Lee, it's truly early days for you. Glad you have your dog. Mine has been a blessing to me -- keeps me from coming home to an empty house. Camp Widow should be very helpful. One day at a time. We're all here for you, too.
Comment by leslie b on July 16, 2011 at 10:28am

So sorry, Lee. Anniversaries are tough and it has only been two months. Please believe me when I tell you that things do get better. You will never forget Madeline or stop loving her but you will be able to start taking part in life quite fully again. I wish I could be there to hold your hand but this will have to do.

I am glad you are going to Camp Widow. I wish I could but it was not to be this year. I hope it really helps you. 

Glad we are here for you though. I wish you peace.

 

Comment by Macduff (Hal) on July 16, 2011 at 10:18am

Two months and an anniversary of two months at that, of course you are having a horrible day... I wouldn't expect any focus this soon. I am glad you have a dog though. Mine helped me get through some very rough times and they still, after 19 months, do.

 

Sleeping a lot or the opposite, not being able to sleep, is typical. Sometimes sleep schedules get turned backwards. Few go through grief like ours with their usual sleep patterns intact.

 

All I can say having experienced intense grief like yours is that the first six months I had no other goal than making it through the day, sometimes through a meltdown that seemed like it would never end. 

Comment by Lee on July 16, 2011 at 9:24am

Today is a really bad day.  Madeline has been gone two months today and I miss her so.  I had a club meeting to day at 9 am but I didn''t go.  I just laid in bed, and I would still be there if the dog didn't need to go out.

We have a rose bush with beautiful Lavander roses and I am going to cut off a limb with a fully developed rose and buds around it.  I will bring that when I visit Madeline this morning. 

We still don't have a headstone or flower vase for her yet, that will all come in due time I guess.

I sure hope Camp Widow will give me some focus.  Right now I am living day by day with no goal in sight.  I have more to say but this is too hard right now.

Comment by owlbert on July 16, 2011 at 7:44am

Thank you Carol for your welcoming, and understanding words, and I'm sure I shall find many friends as I explore the 'village'.    We all  'work' very hard in our different ways, at coping with what has been a catastrophic, and irreplaceable  loss in our personal lives.    I always try to have a 'plan' ...made the night before... for the next day, though I have to admit to being a bit dilatory in actually carrying out the objective(s).    However a 'plan' gives me a target to aim for.   Most of the 'plans' involve writing up my website 'daily news' and adding a couple of photographs for the day..... See http://albertlawrie.co.uk    for more!    

Comment by Macduff (Hal) on July 16, 2011 at 6:42am

Carol and I assume lots of the rest of you describes the weird way the passage of time effects us. Seven months may seem like seven years but it can also seem like seven days.

 

For me one day can go by quickly or it can drag on and on and on. I find myself sitting where Betty used to sit before she got sick and while she was on chemo and just stare out the window, or go into a kind of twilight sleep. 

 

Then the dogs may bark at a squirrel and I am suddenly roused with my heart racing and it all hits at once how utterly bereft I feel without my Betty.

 

I want to run, to escape, but "been there, done that" last month in my solo drive across the country. Maybe it helped a little bit, just proving to myself I could do it. But I still returned to the house that really isn't home anymore, except for Mac and Duff (the Westies we both loved so much).

 

Hal

Comment by Macduff (Hal) on July 16, 2011 at 3:16am

Grandmafi, Cape Cod is an hour's drive from Boston (except in summer summer with traffic back-ups) , south, I live at the half-way point. We used to go off season due to the crowds in summer. There are lots of places nearby which aren't too crowded to visit in the summer which are lovely, even Boston (an hour by train). Of course, each one feels like a special Betty and my place so going there alone hurts, and if I go with one of those (kind of pathetic, not that the women aren't nice, they are) internet dates, it just reminds me of my wife and makes me wish it was she, not some other woman.

 

I know she'd want me to find someone, and she told me it would be easy, she told me what a great "catch" I'd be, but I don't think she really understood how it would really be for me without her.

 

Here I face yet another day to fill... at least when the dogs woke me at 5:00 and I fed them I managed to go back to sleep for two hours, thus shortening a day with no plans. I bet that sounds familiar to some of you.

 

 

Comment by grandmafi on July 16, 2011 at 2:40am
hello Mcduff..... welcome from me too ... I am a fairly newby to this Group but hae been widowed for 6 years. My Billy was "only " 60 when he died ...way to young....... I miss him even more today than yesterday but as runnergirl says ... it becomes more manageable .... I wonder too "is this my lot in life ".... but as I have become more emotionally stronger for a good part of the time , I scold myself and tell myself that each new morning is a blank sheet and I can either live in  the deep dark pit of grief or I can choose to make it better. This works for me quite a lot ..... however..... the living alone is something I dont think I will ever get used too ......and ...as I said in a previous Post ..  on those anniversary dates  the onset of melancholy seems to  be totally outwith my control no matter how hard I try ... and the trying is exhausting !!!!! .... Mc Duff that is a beautiful photograph of you and your  Betty ...looks like you were made for each other . I forgot to say ... we were married for 38 years and have  one son and one daughter ..... 3 grandaughters and three grandsons .... our youngest wee grandaughter Mollie-Mae was born almost a year after Billy died and my daughter swears that her Dad went to heaven and picked the most special little angel and sent her to us ..... she was and still is my saving Grace....my geography is not what it used to be McDuff..... Is Cape Cod near Boston ????.... I worked as a nanny in Boston about 100 years ago ..lol ... it was in 1964 .... think i may have visited Cape Cod then ......  anway all you Earth Angels on this Group .... I hope you have as nice a Saturday as possible under the circumstances and that your eggs are all sunny-side up today ...... xx Fi ...x
Comment by Runnergirl on July 15, 2011 at 7:21pm
I also welcome you Macduff. It will be 5 years in August since my husband died suddenly of a hear attack. This 5 year mark coming up is tough for me. I finally decided to sell my house as a symbol of *moving on," especially this is where he died. I had saved 5 of his favorite shirts but I donated all but 1 to a yard sale. I liked the line in the movie "Rabbit Hole" where the mom who had lost her adult son said, "The pain does not go away. It just gets more manageable." For the most part that is true but for right now the pain is reappearing. I wonder is this my lot in life? Trying to be content living alone? The hard I try to make it work really tires me out but I just keep going. I love this web site to know there are others for support and comfort.
Comment by leslie b on July 15, 2011 at 3:44pm

Welcome Macduff. You know my last vacation with my husband was in Cape Cod. I will remember it always. I am very close to your age. I am 65 and I know exactly what you mean about expecting to grow old together. I also see couples in their 80's and look on with great envy. I have friends who live in my condo complex. They are 90 and 91 respectively and have been married for 67 years. They are a wonderful couple and I am so happy for them. I just wish it were me and Rick but that wasn't meant to be.

I have three children and seven grandchildren who are a constant source of happiness but living alone without Rick is the hardest thing I have ever done. I am getting better all the time though. I lost Rick three years ago and still miss him every day but I am getting on with my life. We have to . What other choice is there?

My wish for you is that you find some peace and contentment and I hope we here can make a difference in your life.

 

 

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