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Born in the 40s or Earlier

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Born in the 40s or Earlier

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Members: 220
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Discussion Forum

Unfortunately finding myself here

Started by InsideLove Oct 21. 0 Replies

My husband died on Aug 28, unexpectedly..I have a grief counselor- her husband passed away at 47 years of marriage too and so, she traveled this path. I do have a grief group, 4 widows 1 widower.…Continue

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Comment by Sheila43 on April 23, 2011 at 10:15am

Leslie

I could have written your post about not fitting in to any group.  I'm 67 now and still looking where I fit in.  I'm too old to be a young widow and too young to be an old widow. 

I have tried several online dating services but didn't have any luck at all.  I'm thinking of trying again.

I'd love to know what other widows/ers are doing to make a life for themselves.

I teach and I take classes but it's just not enough.

Comment by leslie b on March 21, 2011 at 6:39pm
Sue, my husband died in June 2008 at the age of 64. He was diagnosed with a brain tumour and 5 months later he died.He had been retired for 3 days when he had his seizure which led to the diagnosis. I understand completely how you feel. I have been right where you are. Life certainly has a way of throwing us a curve ball, doesn't it? There are still days when I wonder who I am too. We had been married for 43 years. My kids are great but boy it is lonely, isn't it? Hang in there. It is a real struggle but you owe it to yourself to figure out how to live a happy life. I know your husband would want that. I volunteer and am making new friends. It takes time and is quite a struggle. I know you can do it and I'll be right here cheering you on.
Comment by sue on March 21, 2011 at 6:21pm

My husband turned 63 in May 2010, the same month we would find out he had 3-6 months to live.  This is certainly how we didn't see our life together playing out, at least not at this age.  In some ways I am glad I don't have young children any more, but yet can see how they would give me more of a reason to be engaged in day to day living.  We were just starting to talk/plan for retirement.  Now I'm here alone.  I don't know who I will be as this journey plays out, but for now I sure don't know who I currently am.  I look in the mirror and don't even recognize my former self:(  Ugh. 

Comment by leslie b on March 8, 2011 at 12:05pm
I know just what you mean when you say that you wonder what your husband would think of your decisions and the things that you do. I do the same thing. It's like they were a part of our lives for so long that it is hard to fathom that all the decisions and anything we do is just for us. I hope he would be proud of me. I am pretty sure he would. Today I made some very big decisions about my retirement funds and where to put them. This is something he would have done in the past. I know what I have decided is right for me and I am so proud that I know. I think I am making progress. It has been almost three years for me too.
Comment by itaintme on March 7, 2011 at 11:29am
@leslie, that's what led me to sign up for the Born in the 40s forum. It's not being selfish really -- we all mourn in our own way, and the ways are dependent on age as well as circumstances.
Comment by leslie b on March 7, 2011 at 10:30am
@itaintme, I am so glad someone understands what I'm talking about. Sometimes I feel rather selfish to be thinking this way because I know others are hurting too but I really need to find some peace within myself. I look forward to finding out what the future holds and I'm sure this outlet for our feelings and experiences is going to help.
Comment by itaintme on March 7, 2011 at 10:20am
Leslie, I totally understand. I was 65 when my husband died two years ago. I understand any widow's pain, but those who have children have other issues to deal with that I don't have. And thinking of dating again is certainly different, in spite of similarities of widowhood, in one's 60s than in one's 30s! I do wonder what the next 20 years will be like. Let's find out together.
Comment by leslie b on March 7, 2011 at 4:17am
I am going into my third year of being a widow (June 2). When my husband died I was devastated. I thought my life was over too. Do any of you have this problem? I was 62 when he died. Older than the young widows with children at home and younger than the ones we all think of when we think of widows. I mean our mothers and grandmothers and such. I looked for a group to fit into and found it wasn't there. I didn't feel that I fit in most places. I have now found a group at my local seniors' club but still most are older than me. It  would be nice to have more people just like me to help me cope. However these people have been great and do help. I relate to them in some ways but not others. Our music tastes are not even the same. I guess I am rambling here. Do any of you look to the future and wonder what the next twenty years will be like? I would like to live in the moment but it is really hard to do that. Younger widows have a chance to reinvent themselves and older ones are pretty set in their ways and have a lot of others they can relate to. I just feel that I am floundering sometimes. Please don't think I am feeling sorry for myself. I just want your opinions.
Comment by itaintme on March 6, 2011 at 8:42pm
@jansailaway, I agree that widowhood is only part of our life story.
@carolinagirl, how true that none of us wanted to join this club.
The second anniversary of my husband's death is nearing and I'm finding my mood a bit "off" these days. Glad to have a place to voice that where it will truly be understood.
Comment by carolinagirl on March 6, 2011 at 7:18pm
Hang tight, Slim Jim. I could change your post by inserting hubby where you have wife..Same thing..42 years...same age...You will make it. Lots of people at this site are holding your hand. We're all working to try to help mend all of the broken hearts. Didn't want to join this club, but we are all in it together. Keep posting.
 

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