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Comment by leslie b on July 7, 2011 at 5:09pm

Hi Jordan. Welcome to the site. I do not think you are crazy or weird in any way. I think you sound like a very interesting person. Just because your interests are different than someone else's doesn't mean you don't belong. You definitely belong here. You are doing a wonderful job getting on with your life.

From what you write I can tell that the hole in your life still remains. I also still have that hole and don't expect to ever have it heal completely. I think you just develop scar tissue.

 Keep on pursuing your interests. I think that will help you a lot.

I have started a group in our Community Centre for people over 55 who live alone. We just completed our first successful year and are developing friendships within the group and having social and educational experiences as well. This was my way of getting back into the world and starting a new life. After three years I still have days when life is hard but they are fewer and fewer. I will always love and miss my husband but I have to live my life and I enjoy many things about it now.

So welcome to our little group and I hope you will find it helpful.

Comment by Jordan on July 7, 2011 at 4:11pm

Hi, everyone. I'm just learning my way around this site. My husband and I were together 44 years. In April 2010 we learned he had cancer, and 4 months later, to the day, he was gone. It's been a rough 15 months, as you all know. I wish none of us had to be here, but I'm glad I found you. I am trying really hard to climb out of the pit. Sometimes I slip back, but I keep trying.

 

I may have gone a little nuts with some of my efforts to make a new life for myself. So far, at least, I haven't done anything I really regret, but some of the neighbors are starting to look at me funny. I have always been interested in the Vikings. A couple of months ago I joined a Viking re-enactment group. So far I have appeared in costume with them at a Sons of Norway banquet and the Norway Days festival sponsored by the Norwegian Embassy in San Francisco.

 

My best friend is a professional writer who works mainly on science fiction. She has been taking me to science fiction conventions where she speaks on panels and gives presentations on her science specialties. It's amazing to see a hotel filled with people dressed as Klingons, fairies, Storm Troopers, wizards, pirates, and even a very expertly made dragon. My friend wants me to collaborate with her on a novel about a group of time travelers who journey back to Viking times. I'm actually considering doing this!

 

Does this make me the weirdest person on here? Will I fit in at all? I do miss my husband dreadfully. Mostly I accept that he's not coming back. But sometimes I find that I've put off or neglected doing something because somewhere in the back of my mind, I still think he's going to take care of it. Or I'll come home and unload groceries and find I've bought something I don't even like, just because I always got it for him. I haven't been able to get rid of his things.

 

So what do you think? Can you put up with an oddball who does have a some things in common with you?

 

I'm lucky to have some family and friends who stick by me and try to help. But most of them live too far away to see more than once or twice a month, and I'm alone most of the time.

Comment by leslie b on July 7, 2011 at 12:33pm

Hi Lee. First of all, I am sorry for your loss. We here all know what that feels like. My husband and I were married almost 43 years. He passed away three years ago now. I understand exactly where you are coming from. I am 65 years old and belong to a group for people 55 and older who are alone. Believe it or not, there are 20 some women and 2 men!

It is wonderful to have family and friends who care and they really want to help. Let them do whatever they can. I realize they can't understand what you are feeling but at least they are there for you. I have met lots of people both online and in person who have no one who cares and that must be hard.

As far as dating sites and such I have never done that but you sound exactly like me. I really wish there were more men who felt like you. Most women I know, including myself, feel just like you. They would like someone to do things with and just spend time with and talk to. Women do find that men are looking for younger women though. I also feel like you in that I would like to meet people who have been through a good marriage or relationship that lasted a long time. I think that is the only kind of person I could relate to. I was married at 18 and didn't know any different. We were each other's best friends.

It really scares me to think of dating but I also crave a personal connection with someone. What a quandary we are in, right?

In any case, welcome to this site. It is wonderful and you will find lots of good advice and just plain old understanding here. We all seem to go through the same things and someone will likely be able to understand any thing that you are experiencing. 

Hope to hear from you again on here.

Comment by Lee on July 7, 2011 at 10:44am

Hi Everyone,

 

I am the new kid on the block.  I notice there are no men posting in this group, it means either there are no men over 60 in the village, which I really doubt or they are shy.

 

My sweetheart of 43 years passed away May 16 and I have been bouncing around like a ship with out a rudder.  Lots of friends and family concerned about me but no one with answers. 

When I went in for my medicare physical doctor said I should get involved with the singles group at Church.  Yes, they have a singles group but they are mostly 30's something looking for spouses.  

I then thought I would go on some of these dating sites to see if I could find a friend.  I didn't want a relationship.  I don't fit most of their criteria, I don't make 50K+ a year, I am not buff, I do have baggage.  Man what a letdown.

The good Lord is watching over me and knows how I am struggling.  I was doing a google search a couple of days ago, I don't even know what I was searching for but I came upon this page where a lady was blogging her innermost feelings.  She laid it all out, her sexual feelings, the fight between what her body wants and what her mind says she should do.  What she wrote I thought is so me.  There was a link to this site and I just had to Join.  I would never have found this without the Lords help.

I am 68 in good health own my own home, etc. and I know at some point I will feel like dating again.  I read one of the earlier posts that the older men were going after the younger women.  Not this older man.  After looking at the dating sites I am going to want to date 1. a Widow 2. someone who was married for a long time to their best friend. 3. someone within 5 or 10 years either side of my age.

Here is my reasoning a Widow will have the same baggage as I have.  They will always love the spouse they lost but hopefully love me also.

I would like someone who was married to their spouse for a long time, that tells me they were faithful to each other and able to work out the problems life throws at them.  Madeline and I were married for 43 years.  She was the only sexual partner I ever had even though I worked in a garment factory with over 150 women, I was never tempted to cheat and I know she was always faithful also.

I will be looking to date a Lady 5 to 10 years either side of my age, that is a given, our life experiences will be similar growing up in the same era. We will have something in common to talk about.

I know I am not ready now with Madeline gone such a short time but some time, some day I will want to date again.  Madeline and I had several conversations that she initiated about how she wanted me to remarry after she was gone.  She started talking about this a year before she passed away and brought it up several different times.  I miss my sweet little gal with the dimples so much. Why did she have to die?

 

Comment by leslie b on July 4, 2011 at 11:34am

I understand how you are feeling today, Carol. It has been three years now and I still get those feelings of insecurity now and then before certain events. I remember so well about 6 months along and wanting so desperately to just feel whole again. You will feel better, believe me. You sound like you have a good family which I do as well. This helps immensely. You are going to be fine, I'm sure of it. I went to fireworks on Friday with my daughter and her family for Canada Day and I still felt a little empty without Rick there. You do learn to deal with it though and you will find that life will get easier. These feelings are rarer all the time for me. I was married 43 years to a wonderful guy and it sounds like you were too. Just remember the good times and try to hold on to the fact that you are a strong woman who will survive. The temptation to rush things along is there. I understand that. Know you have open hearts here ready to give you support when you need it. Happy 4th!

Comment by leslie b on July 3, 2011 at 6:53pm

Welcome, Carol. Nice to meet you but too bad we had to meet this way. Yes, the firsts are hard but it will get easier. I won't lie to you, this journey does have its ups and downs but there will come a day when you will realize that you are having more ups than downs. I will never forget my husband who passed away three years ago now but I am learning to get on with life and actually enjoy life even though I still miss him.

Comment by itaintme on July 3, 2011 at 4:33pm

Carol, as has been said before, we are sorry that you qualify for this group, but we welcome you. I've found others comments to be very helpful. You are so right that the firsts of anything are hard. My husband has been gone 2-1/2 years now so I've survived all the "firsts", but have the weddings of two granddaughters coming up and I will really miss his presence then. But I'm carving out a new life for myself that I quite enjoy and I treasure the memories of the old life so very much.

Comment by georgenna on June 9, 2011 at 2:52pm

This is wonderful! Found some early birds like me.Heard about this site and I'm so glad I've ventured in. I lost my husband Apr. 3, 2010, two days before our anniversary. Sometimes I'm doing pretty good and other times I feel like a mule kicked me in the gut. Now, I just need to figure out how to start the second life. Find some kind of identity of myself. My husband was the first life. I was a stay at home Mom with three great kids. And I always had things done around the house, lawn done,etc., so we could enjoy each other on the weekends. Hmmmm! Now does anyone have a clue on how to start a new life when a woman is 68? Help!!!!!!

Comment by leslie b on June 6, 2011 at 1:34pm

Well I made it through the third anniversary of my husband's death, June 2nd. It was a sad day but I had lots of support from family, friends and online friends. I am trying very hard to look ahead and get on with things. So far, so good. Reading the book "Widow to Widow". It is great and really helping.

Comment by leslie b on May 28, 2011 at 1:25pm

You are definitely not weird, Runnergirl. It is really good to have other people to relate to though, isn't it? I am reading a book recommended by one of the people on this site, franmcq. It has been extremely helpful and I am grateful for each and every one of you. Everyone has something to contribute and reading all the comments is so helpful. So just hang in there as I am trying to do. Just when I think things are hopeless things have a way of turning around due in no small part to the wonderful people here.

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